A Christmas Card

It was Christmas Eve morning. Chris was going to spend Christmas with Mr. and Mrs. Kelton. Mr. Kelton was technically Officer Kelton or just Paul. Everyone had a take on it because two years ago Chris’ father was shot dead by an officer, a white officer. His mother was still alive, but she became a heavy drinker and didn’t talk to Chris much or hardly at all anymore. The Keltons reached out to him and he’s been like family to them ever since.

“Chris, c’mon. We have to take the Christmas picture for the cards and the e-cards or they’ll never be out on time!” Mrs. Kelton, Earlene, was so festive. She was like this about every holiday, but it seemed to intensify on Christmas. Scary-good intensify. Chris always loved taking the Christmas pictures with them, but sometimes he felt like he was intruding, they always made him feel wanted so he didn’t mind it and the thought left as fast as it came. Chris wasn’t a "thug", whatever that means, his father would’ve turned over in his grave if he had taken that path. He was mostly a B student and had offers from several colleges for baseball. He always looked presentable, but he was built, he wasn’t someone you’d just mess with for kicks. He could hold his own.

“Yes ma’am, I’m coming.” Chris was in his room at the Kelton's house, he was adjusting his tie, but couldn’t get it right. He was taking too long because Paul came in with a worried look. “Chris, hurry. She’s taking off-guards of herself. Gotta have you out there, man.” Paul and Chris laughed, they knew how Earlene got. They had to have each other to handle her, she was delicate, but God forbid if she ever got mad. That was treacherous. Paul adjusted Chris’ tie for him. Paul had brown hair, that was lightening. He had kind green eyes. Earlene was tanner than Paul, but she had the smoothest brown eyes. She was in her forties, like Paul, but her freckles made her look more youthful.

“If y’all don’t hurry up! Before I count to three. One, two, thr--”

“We’re here, we’re here!” Paul and Chris yelled while holding up their hands in surrenderance. “Well, about time. Get in your positions,” Earlene said. Chris and Paul rolled their eyes, but did just that. As long as she was happy they didn’t mind doing anything. “Ready, say, CHEESE,” Earlene spoke excitedly. “Cheese,” the men grumble.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s about that time,” Paul spoke while getting up from the table. “Oh, Honey, not already,” Earlene whined. “I’m afraid so, I gotta go in on Christmas Eve evening. I’ll be back before breakfast on Christmas morning,” Paul said as he kissed Earlene’s forehead. “Be safe,” Chris looked up from his plate. Paul gave him a big hug, then he was gone.

Chris and Earlene finished eating dinner and then goofed around for hours while watching Hallmark Christmas movies, playing card games, and making sure all the finishing touches were on the Christmas tree. Earlene was little so Chris or Paul always had to help her with the very top of it. It was probably the perfect holiday. There was nothing but love in the air.

“Chris, sweetie. Can you go in our room and get that certificate of Paul’s? It’s in the work cabinet. It’s under a whole bunch of junk,” Earlene spoke kindly. Chris went into the room and started going through the cabinet. It was a bunch of case reports and typed out audio recordings. Police stuff. He kept looking, but stopped when he stumbled upon a familiar name. Chris McClomick Sr. Chris was a junior and that was his father’s name. He didn’t know why the Keltons would have this, so he read. He continued to read until his eyes were filled with tears. Paul was the officer who shot Chris’ father. Chris must’ve been back there a minute too long because Earlene came in to look for him.

“Chris, what is taking you so lon--”, she looked down and saw him on the floor. She looked down at the papers in front of him, she saw exactly what he saw. “It wasn’t in that cabinet. It was in the other one, if you look--”

Chris turned to look at her and his eyes were red from the tears. “You knew?” He asked firmly. “Chris,” Earlene went to put her hand on his shoulder and he jumped up. “Don’t! Do you dare touch me!” Chris was in her face and she put her hands over her mouth as tears began to form in her eyes. Chris was breathing heavily and the remaining papers in his hands were being crumbled because of his clenched fists. He looked her up and down with the most hateful look, Earlene trembled at it. Chris gathered his things and left, Earlene didn’t move a muscle until he left. When she heard the door slam, she dropped down to her knees and began to weep uncontrollably.

-------------------------------

After a long walk, Chris was back at 17239 Grove Rd, his Mother’s house. His house. He walked in, she never locked the door. They lived in the hood, but it wasn’t a vicious one where theft was a huge issue. It was just a poor hood. The air was cold and it was dark, she probably hadn’t paid the electricity bill. Bills weren’t ever a priority for her, Sandra McClomick, after Chris Sr. passed. Hell, she didn’t care about anything.

“Fuck!” Chris yelled, thinking he was alone, and started pacing in the dark living room. “Boy, what the hell is wrong with you? Doin’ all this yellin’ in my house?” Sandra was in the corner of the living room, in burgundy chair. Chris’ eyes hadn’t adjusted completely to the dark so he didn’t notice her at first or the smoke from her cigarette.

“It’s nothing, sorry for yellin’,” Chris spoke softly.

“I’m your momma, Chris. Talk to me,” Sandra said as she took a drag of the cigarette. He hadn’t heard words from her mouth like that in a long time.

“It’s nothing,” Chris said through his teeth trying to calm down.

“So you found out, huh?” Sandra asked.

“You knew?” Chris immediately could feel his body start getting heated again.

“Yes, Chris. I knew--”

“And you let me go with them people?! Be with them people!?” Chris was yelling and bowing up. Sandra put her cigarette in the ash-tray next to her and got up, she stood directly in front of Chris, only inches away. “Yes, I did,” Sandra said as calm as ever.

“Why?!” Chris yelled. Sandra was silent and just stared into her son’s hurt eyes. Moments passed. “Tell me why, Sandra!” Chris yelled once again.

“Sandra? Boy, as long as you live you will never disrespect me like that, ever again. I let them spend time with you and take you on trips. Because I just had to...” Sandra trailed off.

“You had to? Why the hell did you have to?! Let me be with the people who killed my father?!”

“Because Chris, they stepped up in a position I had to step down from!” Sandra yelled back at him for the first time.

“What’re you talking about?” Chris was calmer. There we several silent moments between them, until Sandra finally spoke.

“I didn’t know how to be your Mother anymore. Me and big Chris were always a team and I just didn’t know how to do it alone. I gave up on you, I gave up on myself...” Sandra started to cry, but she never broke eye contact with her son. “I’m sorry, I am so sorry that I couldn’t do it for you.”

Chris started to cry along with his mother and got down on his knees in front of her and just hugged her legs. She rubbed his back as they both sobbed. They did that for a few minutes.

“I hate them..” Chris mumbled through his tears finally.

“No, no, no..” Sandra spoke.

“I do, I hate them,” Chris said more firmly. Sandra got down on her knees so she was face to face with her son and she wiped his tears.

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do, Momma.” He snatched away from her, but she grabbed him by his collar so he had to come back towards her.

“I watched those people render you, when I couldn’t. I watched Officer Kelton beat himself up, while his name be drug threw the dirt. I’ve seen him hit his knees and beg for my forgiveness for months on top of months when I had already forgiven him. You didn’t know because I sheltered you from knowing and I was going to be damned if someone told you. That man is a good man, he made a mistake. He made a bad call, a damn bad one, that cost another good man his life. It doesn’t excuse it, but he is human, baby,” Sandra spoke while wiping Chris’ tears. “For months he refused to carry because he didn’t want to make another mistake. I’ve talked God’s ear off about if I should have let you be around that family and he didn’t give me a sign that opposed it. I’ve watched that man finally forgive himself and I don’t know if you’ve ever had to forgive yourself for anything yet, but it ain’t easy. They’ve wanted to tell you so many times...but I told them not to, I made them promise not to. What would it change? Big Chris, my husband, your father, isn’t coming back. Not in this lifetime, regardless if you knew or didn’t know. So if you have to hate someone, if you really feel like that’s what you gotta do, then you hate me, Chris,” Sandra said calmly and Chris started to cry harder. She took him into her arms. “It’s okay, you can hate me.”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was 10 AM Christmas morning. Chris had fallen asleep on the couch and Sandra had put a blanket over him. He woke up to a smell coming from the kitchen, pancakes. He felt like a kid again, but he knew he wasn’t. He also knew there was something he had to do. As he got up, he folded the blanket and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and clean his face. He changed into a decent pair of clothes.

He peeked his head into the kitchen, Sandra was cooking. She didn’t hear him. “Good morning, Momma,” Chris said as he smiled. She turned around and smiled back at him, “Morning, baby.”

“You cookin’?”

“No, I’m just helping NASA with rocket fuels.” They both laughed.

“Momma, this is real nice. I want to enjoy Christmas with you, but--”

“There’s something you have to go do. Like apologize.”

“Yes ma’am,” Chris shook his head and looked away. Sandra took his face in her hand and kissed his cheek.

“All this food was for me anyways,” she stuck her tongue out and they both laughed again. He knew that was her giving him permission to leave without her having to say it or having to admit it hurt seeing him go. He smiled at her and left the kitchen. He took his jacket off the coat hanger and was about to head out the door, but he heard a knock before he reached it. When he opened it, he saw the Keltons on the other side of the screen. Paul was still Officer Kelton, in his uniform and Earlene looked lovely in her Christmas-tree green dress. You could tell she had been crying from the puffiness around her eyes. She was holding an apple pie in her hands and Paul had his arm around her waist. Chris looked shocked, but opened the door and they smiled.

“I was just coming to see y’all...” Chris said stunned.

“Well, we beat you to it,” Earlene tried to smile and joke. “Chris..,” Paul began to speak. “I’m incredibly sor--”

Chris didn’t let him finish, he just hugged him tightly. He saw Earlene’s eyes light up and brought her into the group hug. Apologies weren’t necessary. Apologies are what you say before you fix things, things were already fixed.

“Y’all c’mon up out that cold and get in here, get some of this food I cooked,” Sandra said as she entered the living room.

“It sure does smell good and I never been shy to eat,” Officer Kelton joked as they all walked inside from the cold. Everyone chuckled and Sandra greeted them both with hugs. She directed them to the kitchen. The Keltons walked ahead to get seated, but Chris tugged on his Mom’s robe and she turned around. “You invited them, Momma?”

“Santa knew what you wanted,” Sandra winked. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

Sandra walked into the kitchen, but Chris stayed in the living room for a moment and looked up, he smiled. Whether he was smiling at "Santa", his Dad, or God, he knew what was going on here was better than any Christmas Card.