7 Lessons I’ll Teach My Son About Masculinity

In today’s world, men can be both villains and victims of the patriarchy — although we refuse to admit that sometimes.

Personally, feminism isn’t only about fighting for women’s rights. It’s about making all areas of life equal for all genders. And men’s issues ultimately count toward that, too.

So let’s talk about some of them.

A part of striving to live in a better world lies in raising our children in a way that will eventually make this planet a better place. If I ever have a son, there are things I’m going to teach him that many men have never been taught, which is why they carry so many unhealthy behavioural patterns within them.

Good men are often embarrassed to be men nowadays.

Their gender carries so many bad connotations with it that it’s sometimes difficult to find that healthy spot where a man is proud of his masculinity without being toxic, violent or feeling guilty.

If we want to achieve gender equality, we need to try to raise men who are proud of their gender in the best way possible. Our sons need to be men who love healthy masculinity and don’t fall for the toxic traps that the patriarchy lays out for them.

We need to marry men who are bound to be good fathers, and we need to become better mothers ourselves.

I want my son to be proud of being a man. I want him to treat people with respect and to have a healthy confidence in his own masculinity.

That’s why I’ll teach him these seven lessons.

Vulnerability is strength

How many times are boys told they cry like a girl?

Way too many.

This saying not only frames girls as overly sensitive hysterical human beings, but it also shows boys that there’s something inherently anti-masculine in crying.

Instead of opening up, they resolve to bottle their emotions inside of them. The only feeling they let out is anger, which is only multiplied by all of the emotional turmoil that’s been boiling underneath their skin for so long.

When my son cries, I want him to know that it’s okay.

I want him to know that there’s nothing unmanly about shedding a few tears (or many tears, for that matter). On the contrary, it makes him authentic and honest about who he is and how he feels, which people often appreciate.

A man who cries is a real man. There’s nothing girly about showing sadness.

He has to do house chores

While growing up, I was taught that women were supposed to do house chores while men only helped out.

Well, let me tell you something — as long as your wife works the same number of hours you do, there’s no reason why she should take more care of the house and children than you. It doesn’t make any sense.

The only reason this large gender gap still exists in households is that it makes the world a little easier for men. According to research, women still do 60% more housework.

My son will know that in our home, house chores are divided. He will grow up to be a capable and responsible man who knows how to iron his own shirts and cook something that’s actually edible.

The way I see it, the societal phenomenon of turning men into grown-up babies isn’t only hard on women — it also makes it more difficult for men to actually take care of themselves and accept full responsibility for their lives, which in turn infantilizes them and makes them less independent.

Not a fan.

He doesn’t have to come out to me

If there’s one thing I want my son to know from his early childhood, it’s that love is love. It doesn’t matter if he falls in love with a woman, a man or anyone who identifies differently. As long as he’s happy and he’s treated well, I’m happy for him.

There’s also this weird preconception in our society that gay men are somehow less masculine. Don’t get me wrong, there are gay men who completely embrace femininity, and they look fabulous while also being their authentic selves.

Masculine gay men exist too, though. Just because you’re a man who loves a man, it doesn’t mean you’re less of a man. I’ll make sure my son remembers that.

He’s not better than his sister

If the world my children live in is similar to the one we have today, my son might still have privileges his sister doesn’t.

He needs to know that this doesn’t make him better in any way — his gender might make his life in this world easier in many ways, while also posing some obstacles in others.

Being a man doesn’t make him automatically smarter than his opposite gender. He’s not better in any way just because he might have more opportunities or less harassment to deal with.

He still has to work hard. And he should respect every woman’s capability to achieve great things.

Pink is awesome

If he doesn’t like pink, fair enough. I just don’t want him to hate it just because our society has established it as a girly colour.

Honestly, what’s up with everyone hating on pink as if girly things were some atrocity to humanity? One Direction, Twilight, fanfiction, you name it — girly culture is universally detested just because it’s for girls.

I want my son to know that girls are awesome, that liking pink isn’t against masculinity, that playing with dolls can be for boys just as it is for girls (and girls sometimes love to play with cars much more than they do with dollhouses).

Toys shouldn’t be divided into two gender categories. Play knows no boundaries.

Consent is key

When he grows older, I want to make sure he realises what consent is and why it’s so important. He should have an innate respect for women’s choices about their own bodies in all areas of life, especially when it comes to what happens in the bedroom.

All men ultimately want to be loved. The way to win a woman’s love is through respecting her and never forcing her to do anything she’s uncomfortable with.

Gentleness is manly

A man doesn’t always have to be rough, violent or wild.

Men can be gentle. They can be quiet, introverted and sweet. These qualities don’t take any masculinity away from them.

Kindness is actually very hot if you ask me.

Final Thoughts

I probably won’t be a perfect mum. No mother ever is.

I’m going to try my best, though. I’ll teach my children that they’re all equal, no matter what gender they have, and that their sex doesn’t determine how intelligent, capable or sensitive they’re allowed to be.

I cherish authenticity most of all. I’ll do my best to assure my children that as long as they’re themselves and as long as they always try to be better people, they are amazing, no matter how masculine or feminine they are.

If we want to live in a world where all genders are equal, teaching our children such lessons is one of the most important things we can do.

Let’s make sure we become mothers who teach their sons how to be good, good men.

This article was originally published on Medium.