18 Minutes to Fame

Tell us again, Aunt Annie....please!" both nieces chorused

She looked at one and then the other. Rose and Ava's eyes sparkled with anticipation. "Ok, girls…climb into bed…story time."

The girls dove into the welcoming feather bed and nestled under a patchwork quilt. "Auntie, we're ready," Ava and Rose chorused.

Annie scooted a rocking chair to the bedside, settled in and adjusted her shawl. "Girls, you really want to hear this again?" she teased.

"Yes!" they squealed.

Annie closed her eyes and began to gently rock; the chair creaked a soothing cadence. "It seems like only yesterday..."

**********

"Annie, y'r crazy," he said tamping tobacco in his pipe. "Are y’ trying to kill y'r self?"

"No, I'm not suicidal. I'm a devout Episcopalian," she snapped, stomping her foot for emphasis.

"Then why are y' willing to do somethin' so dangerous? It's crazy!"

She sighed. "Daddy's inheritance is nearly gone and I'm facing financial ruin." Hope flashed momentarily in her eyes. "I'll become a wealthy celebrity if I survive, and I plan to do just that. I appreciate your concern, Mr. Russell, but as a promoter, will you be my publicist?"

Frank Russell tapped his fingers nervously on his mahogany desk. "I've promoted special events but never one advertisin' a person's potential death." He chewed on the head of his cigar. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yes," she said confidently.

"Ok then, give me the details," he ordered, getting down to business.

**********

"Can I help you ma'am," the store clerk greeted.

"Yes, I'm looking for a pickle barrel....a large one," she said smiling.

"How large?"

She retrieved a little black notebook from her handbag and showed the clerk a sketch with dimensions. "It needs to be custom built. About three and a half feet wide.... five feet tall.....yes, that ought to do it," she said with a confident nod.

"May I ask why y' need an empty barrel? You aren't making y'r own whisky are ya?"

"If you must know, I'm going to ride it in the water," she answered.

"Haven't y' ever heard of a boat?" he joked, showing a toothless grin.

"Well, it's not only for riding in the water, it's to go over Niagara Falls."

The store clerk's eyes grew large. "Y'r gonna do what?"

"I plan to buy a barrel, go to Canada, and ride down the falls; the Niagara's steeper on the Canadian side. It's a 175 feet, top to bottom. That spectacle should draw some attention, eh?" she said digging for her pocketbook.

"Ma'am I can getcha the barrel but are y' sure a pine box a'int more ‘propriate? The mortuary is aroun' the corner," the sales clerk pointed, a smirk forming on his face.

"I'm not planning on dying," she stated. "I'll need it by October 7th." She glanced at the calendar on the wall. "That's six weeks, can you do it?"

"Yes, Ma'am. Sign here," he stated holding out a sales order.

**********

"Ok, gentlemen, seal me in." Annie scrunched into the confines of the barrel. Pillows cushioned the interior; Annie clutched her favorite heart shaped cushion for luck. One man fastened the lid to the keg and another operated a bicycle pump, compressing the vessel.

A tap on the lid alerted Annie of one last message before descent. "Annie, we're about to letcha go. This current's strong. Y'r gonna bob along like a outta control fishin' cork. The falls are less than twenty minutes away."

A muffled voice called, "Bon Voyage!"

**********

"Aunt Annie, wake up," giggled Rose, gently nudging her aunt.

Annie jerked awake. "Wha... what happened?"

"You fell asleep," Ava answered.

"Did I tell the story?" Annie asked, blinking.

"Some of it," replied Rose. "Just tell us the ending."

Auntie cleared her throat, stretched and yawned. "Once the men let the barrel go...me harnessed inside....I prayed. Stopping wasn’t an option. As I got closer, the falls raged like constant thunder. When I went over, the roar deafened my ears. Spectators told me the barrel dropped into a heavy mist and for some time they thought the falls swallowed me alive. Curious onlookers congregated to see a crazy 'ol lady die; they sure got a shock when I popped out of that barrel alive and well!"

"Aunt Annie?"

"Yes, Ava. What is it?"

"Was it worth it?"

Annie pondered for a moment. "Well, with the book deal and souvenirs I sold, I made about $20,000, enough to keep me fed and in my home." She pushed to her feet, groaning as she grabbed her lower back. She leaned over the girls and tucked them in snugly. "But I can tell you my body has never been the same. I'm going to go find some linament and get your momma to rub it in. 'Night girls."

Annie blew out the kerosene lamp and shuffled to the door.

"Good night Aunt Annie," they chimed.