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Why do parents still feel anxious when their children are "free"?

Some parents still anxious after "double reduction"

By Richard ShurwoodPublished 8 months ago 7 min read

After the "double reduction", the first to feel relaxed should be the child, followed by the parents should be said to be, the amount of homework for children reduced, and after-school training courses in a variety of subjects also significantly reduced, which should be both save energy and save money.

But, after the "double reduction," some parents are still anxious. One practical question is: What will the child do with the extra time? Especially after coming home from school and on weekends, which require parents to help arrange the time. In this regard, various media have published numerous articles on the subject, and I have collected more than 40 articles of advice to parents within two months after the implementation of the "double reduction", and roughly speaking, the two most important suggestions are to let children read more and play more sports, and then to develop students' hobbies and interests, and others such as increasing communication among peers, increasing Other suggestions include increasing peer-to-peer communication, increasing communication among family members, participating in more activities, and individual teachers talking about changing the concept of "rough growth", stopping fatigue tactics, and resting after homework so that they can "fight" again in the future... ...

Did the advice of teachers and experts dispel parents' anxiety? For the "double reduction" of student free time, many parents do not choose one or two projects to fill, and can not let their children play and rest, but choosing any project can not be left behind! Not a long period of after-school time, sports to arrange, reading must also have, special interests must be cultivated, academic performance can not decline ......

Here is a parent I know to their second-grade children to do the Wednesday after-school schedule.


16:30-17:30 outdoor sports

17:30-18:30 dinner

18:30-19:00 foreign language

19:00-19:15 Ballet practice

19:15-19:45 Math

19:45-20:00 Vocal practice

20:00-20:30 Homework

20:30-21:00 Free reading

21:00-21:30 Painting

21:30 Washing up and going to bed

16:30-17:30 Outdoor sports

17:30-18:30 Dinner

18:30-19:00 Foreign language

19:00-19:15 Ballet practice

19:15-19:45 Math

19:45-20:00 Vocal practice

20:00-20:30 Homework

20:30-21:00 Free reading

21:00-21:30 Painting

21:30 Washing up and going to bed

This table has arranged all the children's after-school time, full of projects: including sports and reading, of which sports gave a full hour, specific arrangements for the various projects specified in elementary school, after running laps to strengthen training for the projects learned in physical education, and finally play ball for a while; this also includes the development of hobbies, you can see that most of them are on the side of literature and arts, parents also fully consider the child's own Of course, they did not give up their studies, and the main classes were arranged, mainly for review and pre-reading, but also for practice, and of course there was enough time for homework (after a period of "double reduction", homework was gone, and this time was allocated to the main classes by parents). The most valuable thing is that, after taking into account all the programs, this schedule can still be very "healthy": go to bed before 10 pm, basically to ensure that the child has about 10 hours of sleep; later before going to bed also arranged eye exercises; meal to give an hour so that you do not have to enter the study state after the meal; also pay close attention to brain hygiene, also very careful. The project is all moving with ......


It should be noted that in the real implementation process, each project also comes with a 3-5 minute break. Even so, the author felt that the schedule was very full, dividing up all the children's after-school time, as specific, precise, cold, full, and highly programmed as a train schedule. The five hours after school are almost all "prescribed actions". This is the expression of many parents' anxiety to a certain extent: for the unknown future, anything can be useful, so spend some time every day to develop a little skill or ability, in case the child can be useful in the future.

And this is not an isolated case, many parents may not have the perseverance and organization of this parent, nor do they have such a high level of execution, but parents' anxiety about their children's free time is common, and when their children have large periods of unscheduled time, they think their children are wasting their time and feel uneasy inside.

But since the beginning of time, it is clear that this completely scheduled life without an ounce of free time is not the life a child should have, and time without play is considered against the nature of children. But where does it go wrong?

First, children need free time to develop creativity and resilience. Research by the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that periods of unstructured, unplanned free play help children become more creative and more likely to discover their passions and interests. Unrestricted free play among children can also naturally develop the ability to solve interpersonal problems and even better develop the ability to adapt to their environment.

Secondly, children's autonomy in the use of their time is also necessary for the development of a sound personality and respect for the individual. Self-determination of what to do develops the child's independence; children who lack it do not fully develop themselves, do not know what they want, and lack their own opinions and attitudes about things.

Finally, even more, detrimental than the above two points is the fact that completely limiting a child's right to make autonomous decisions still combats, weakens, or even kills the vitality of the child's life. There are many laws and principles of education, but I feel that the most important and even the most important is not to stifle the child's innate vitality. This vitality includes the initiative and curiosity to explore the world; the courage to do something, like a newborn calf; the enthusiasm and impulse to do something, the enthusiasm to explore, the enthusiasm to interact with friends, the enthusiasm to do what they like ...... without being urged by others, the enthusiasm to do something Finally, there is also the confidence or self-efficacy that they should have within a certain range. Children are weak, but they also have their unique self-confidence, perhaps they will have a short period of emotional depression when they mess up something, but it does not change their confidence and sunny undertones. I have endless opportunities, I have endless energy" ......

This vitality of life is the initial motivation of each person, the later growth and development of life are related to it, adolescence is the most energetic years of life, and even the subsequent stages of life can be seen as the inertial continuation of this initial motivation, as psychologist Seidze said: "People, like ceramics, form the prototype of a lifetime when they are children. " Without vigorous upward mobility at an early age, their lifelong exploration and engagement with the external world and reflection on the internal self will be underpowered, and they will become people without a more autonomous will, mechanical, or even numb. The first principle of education is not to combat or restrict it, but to guide it, maintain it, and nurture it, and the way to nurture it is at the moment when the child decides to act on his own when the impulse and enthusiasm to do something bursts out from the child's heart, and when he does it, at this moment he is At that moment he is the master of a small life on earth and on earth, no matter how good or bad it turns out.

Therefore, in the above schedule, we must add a period, or "free time", where the child chooses what to do, even if it is only an hour.

In the child's free time, parents do not do anything. Parents can observe their children's behavior and determine the direction of their children's interests; they can provide positive guidance, such as showing the charm of human science and culture and nature in the direction of their children's interests; they can provide resources for their children's hobbies so that they can play more and more professionally, and they can become their children's playmates and play with them to a higher level. In addition, parents should also limit the safety boundary and moral boundaries for their children's "freedom" to avoid some things that should not happen, safety first, but also must comply with the necessary principles to avoid over-protection, and excessive requirements to cause children's sense of restriction.

Video games are not naturally occurring games, but are carefully designed by professionals according to human psychological characteristics (I should even say weaknesses) and "bureau". If the child is unable to do moderate, try to contactless and later.

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About the Creator

Richard Shurwood

If you wish to succeed, you should use persistence as your good friend, experience as your reference, prudence as your brother and hope as your sentry.

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