When Communication Breaks Down

At certain points in our lives, we come across an argument as old as time began and that is about communication. At what point do we raise our concerns and at which moment do we keep it to ourselves and work in isolation?

This is a central question that affects many workplaces across the United Kingdom but it is not merely limited to the workplace. It can also affect relationships, from friendship to family relationships and the traditional romantic types.

When we cease to communicate in an effective structure then gaps begin to appear. We may inadvertently filter out those who need to be informed as to the decisions being made and wonder why they haven’t been included in the first place.

Example – The Workplace

The reason why I am writing this article is because of the workplace and a recent day that I experienced. It started as any other day before, with me logging into my computer, answering some emails and then getting to the tasks at hand.

Before long I became aware of a discussion thread on a separate group that I was not a part of, which was frustrating. If people want their own groups, then I am in favour of that but then if the goal is to work closely together and we already have a Teams chat then why are we duplicating effort?

This then causes me to take a step back to ascertain the situation and ask why? Why do you feel the need to work in isolation or accept the group and the infrastructure that I created when you could have said no? It makes no sense and the only reason by which I can think of is that the group in question are happier to tell me what I want to hear.

This is a regressive way in which to communicate as you waste a lot of time, with the individual in question (me) believing that things are running one way when in reality they are continuing behind the scenes.

It is a little hurtful too but then we all have to develop a thick skin before we arrive in the office. We need to ensure that we channel these situations to the correct outcome. To shift them from hurt and into understanding. Seeing why this occurred in the first place and building a structure to overcome.

Example – Relationships

I have now been married to my wife for nearly three years. Beyond this, we have been together for more than seven years, which is crazy to type and even madder to consider but it is true. At times, our communication has broken down and we have argued.

Now, any couple that is reading this and says that they have never argued is lying. Everyone argues no matter who you are as that is simply human nature. We get on each other’s nerves and in a relationship it comes down to a lack of communication.

Sometimes we bottle things up rather than talking about them and whilst I am happy to say that my wife and I have only had three arguments that I can recall, we do disagree regularly, which is healthy.

You need to be able to speak your mind or you will be doomed to live inside your own head until one day, someone will simply say something innocuous and you will explode.

Example – Family

The dynamic I have with my Mum is odd. She is my mother and I love her, yet I would never go to her for advice, more like she comes to me for advice which can be frustrating.

Her communication style is incredibly apologetic, which is sad as she should stick up for herself more. Anytime there is a disagreement she will simply admit fault to avoid confrontation which is not healthy.

Everyone should be free to express themselves in the manner that suits them best. Whether this is through text, speaking or sign language. It does not matter, the primary consideration is that we are all free to express ourselves in the manner that best suits us.

When a parent is unable to push back, then I feel as though I cannot trust my own mother when it comes to advice.

I trust my Mum in terms of her as a person but when it comes to advice, I would always step away, as she typically tells me what I want to hear.

Example – Friendships

Telling you what you want to hear is something that can be levelled towards friends as well as families as this is the easy way out. You don’t need to challenge someone and risk them disagreeing. You can simply nod and pretend as though you are on their side, when really, you completely disagree, which is a shame and I have friends like this.

When you realise you have friends like this you begin to segment. You begin to have a split between those you would go to for advice and those that are simply around to entertain.

For me, a great friend is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear and challenges you with your opinions. Challenges you to do better and this endears trust, which is something that cannot be purchased, it needs to be earned through effective communication.

A Final Thought

Communication breaks down when it is undertaken in silos and not in a constructive manner. When you feel as though those around you are not being completely honest with their intentions. This is where frustration begins to kick in and you need to start asking questions.

I feel as though there is no harm in asking a question as long as you are happy to accept the answer that is provided and we should all be happy to accept it as this is how we grow as a person. We cannot grow through isolation or denial.