What It's like Being a Student in Our Current Day and Age

Hello readers. I'm sure that some of you know that being a student in this day and age isn't easy and there's a chance that some of you might even be a student yourselves, but whatever the case I'm here to share my story and how things have been for me these past year or so. I understand that some people have it worse than me and I'm not here to make people feel bad or pitty me in my situation. I'm just here to share my experience to see if I can make a change eventually.

I'm still very young, only 19, and have my whole life ahead of me. I'm studying in Scotland for the next three years or so to work in the games industry at some point in the future. Now to clarify beforehand, I'm not studying because this is what I want to do with myself. I'm studying because I honestly have no idea what I can do at this point in life.

People say that you have time to make these decisions and for some that may be true, but I personally felt that I had no choice but to study and leave my home town in England. This was mainly due to my mental health issues and how much they had progressively gotten worse over the years, I suffer from depression, social anxiety and suicidal thoughts, due to being used at college as someone who does work for others. Yes I know, why would I do someone elses work for them? Well my main reason was because I thought I was their friend, only to later find out the truth about how these people felt about me. This isn't the worst thing a person could do to another but for me personally, I had never really been exposed to such people. I was never really punished as a kid. I wasn't spoilt due to the available funds in my family (but I'll get to that later), however, I wasn't exposed to negativity or punishment or judgement, I was surrounded by happiness and positivity which in a way made me fragile and weak; so being used like that broke me down into a whole new level. At this point in time I also lost a really big and long friendship. This person was like a brother to me, and at the time it felt like he had died. I had never experienced such pain and anger before and at the time I just blamed the people around me, only to later come to the realisation that people change and I should expect anyone to be there for me. From that point onwards I was very wary of people and had major trust issues, which to this day still persist.

Surviving through that summer with very little will to go on, I got very excited when September came round, for this was time for me to move on, start a new school and start again as a person. I thought I was able to get a fresh start. Be a new me. Oh how I was wrong. The first couple of months were interesting to say the least. Discovering this new town that I now live in. Meeting new people even though I was very skeptical about them. I was excited for this big change. After this period there was only suffering really. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to proceed. I just knew how to bottle everything up and go on, so I did precisely that, bottled up every emotion and feeling I felt until it got to an unbearable state.

For the rest of my first year of uni, I tried to work on myself since I couldn't do the work from uni. This involved going to the counsellour available at uni, getting meds from my local GP, and seeing a therapist. All of these options were not enough to help. By this point it was the end of the first year. I was withdrawn from my course due to a lack of attendance and work and I had to find a way around this bump in the road. At this point in time I already committed to living here, I had made arrangements to live with my new friends and we had a place ready for the next year.

I knew that if I were to get a job, it would only end in disaster due to past employment and how it impacted my mental state. Another option would be to start at a college with a Higher National Certificate (HNC) option, which is equal to one year of university. I chose this option in hopes that things would be a bit easier and better for me mentally. This was also what the university recommended to me as they wouldn't let me start another course from first year unless I provide them with "academic evidence" to support that I'm mentally stable, able to attend the lectures and do the work. My choices again lead me to new problems.

I'm currently on my fifth week into the course, and I'm overcome with stress—but not because of the work load. My stress and constant anger is due to the lack of funding available to me. My loan came in at the start of September, I put aside all of the money I needed for my bills, I also put aside money for a couple of subscriptions which I pay for which keep me mentally stable. Seeing my leftover funds I was thrown into a state of stress and fear. For the next four months I would have to live off of an amount which would only last a person a month and a half at most. At this point I have no idea what I could do. I asked my college, my loan company and another loan company to see if there was anything they could do to help my situaltion. They all gave the same response. No. My original loan company gave me a lower loan due to my parents income being higher this year than last year. However, having a higher income doesn't mean a higher amount of disposable income.

I'm always... I guess uncomfortable would be the best word to describe it, when it comes to asking my parents for money due to their own money problems. These problems were the main reason for me getting a job as soon as I turned 16. I know that my parents don't really have any money spare for me so I tend to avoid asking them but now I'm stuck constantly asking them for money. I'm not asking for anyone to "please donate I'm poor," because that's not the reason I'm writing this. My main reason is to expose how hard some students have it with everything going on in their lives and yes, the main reason for all of these problems are me, my lack of self-control, and self-help, and I myself am the sole reason why I've backed myself into such a corner, but as a student I also shouldn't have to put up with such problems and just "survive" through this period. I should be able to "live," not stress free, because that's when the university's work load hits, but I should be able to be able to buy myself lunch out once in a while instead of living off of the typical student diet of instant noodles.

It's not just me who has to live with such problems. I'm sure there are many others who have to deal with such a situation or even worse. A lack of funds in an expensive world drives people into madness and despair. Some people are lucky. They come from families who are able to support them financially. Some people are unlucky, they might not even have a family at all. I am in between that scale but leaning towards the unlucky side of things. The story behind my family and how they started everything and gotten into the position they are in now was apparently all for me. To make sure I have a better life, and yes, you could say that my life is better and then compare how I have it better than people in Africa or something. I personally would say that everything they did was stupid and they should have thought things through and had a plan at the very least. Others would say that they tried and, to a degree, that they succeeded. Well yes, they did try. Succeeded on the other hand? Not so much.

To summarize everything up for someone who has gotten lost in everything or just skipped to the end of this rant. Being a student is one of the hardest tackles in life. It gets harder if you come from a family with less income and then even harder if you suffer from mental health issues. As someone who suffers from all of the above, it's tough. Really tough and coping is one of the hardest things I've had to do. A lot of my issues I brought upon myself, but the main issue of how everything revolves around money. That is something that was brought by the older generation who decided to make a mess and let the younger generation to fix.

It's the 24th of September at 11 PM in Scotland. I've declined two phone calls from my father and ended the conversation from my mother because she doesn't realise that there's nothing she can do now to change what she has already done. I've wasted a year of my life and with that a years worth of student loans. I'm now suffering from severe amounts of stress which has affected my appetite, my will to live, my faith in humanity and other things due to lack of funding from student loan companies and my college. I just want to be able to be happy. I just want to live. Instead I am forced into a survival situation where I have to struggle. Again there are people who do have it worse than me, I do not deny that. However, I'm putting myself out here on behalf of all the students currently and to come so that no one else has to suffer.