There's a Quiz At the End of This Post

It's poetry in motion

As deep as any ocean

As sweet as any harmony

Mm, but she blinded me with science

She blinded me with science

And failed me in biology, yeh yeh

My Ethics Have Been Challenged

It was my Ride Operator at my Mental Health Amusement Park, although it took me a few days for me to realize it. I mean, only I can tell you if my ethics were challenged, right? My morals and values are only mine, and the rest of humanity of course, but that's how I was raised.

So if you are strapping me down, and checking the safety bar on the Himalayan or the Tilt-a-Whirl, you can not tell me that I "don't always have to do the right thing." I have seen the movie many times, came out while I was in film school. I even sloppily made out with a cast member in a bar once.

Blinding me with science, science

Science

I can smell the chemicals

Blinding me with science, science

Science

Science

Field Trip

I went to high school with a kid who threw up in his own face on a ride at Great Adventure. It was circa 1986, the ride was called the Roto, and it was Physics Day. I'm telling you, we got to miss an entire day of school, to go on as many rides as we could, all in the name of SCIENCE!

The ratio of boys to girls was astronomical, as you can imagine an advanced high school science school trip would be in the mid 80's. This might explain why I chose to get a dual liberal arts degree from a university best known for its engineering school.

We had already been on Lightning Loops, which took us upside down on a curly cue, both forward and back. I got to hold a huge bucket of popcorn, and very little of it fell out. I also got to sit next to the kid on Free Fall, who got to hold out a tennis and a ping pong ball. Once the warning whistle sounded, he let them both go, and then we dropped.

On the Roto, we all climbed into a huge clothes dryer typed contraption. We stood with our backs against the wall. And then the Roto started to spin, slowly at first. As it sped up, the floor dropped, and we were all stuck to the wall. The Poor Kid Next to me started moaning and crying like a cat. I tried to turn my head, but it was difficult. He was a shade of green like I had never seen on human skin before or since. I knew what was about to happen. With my best Roger Moore "Moonraker" impression, I tried shouting "STOP THE RIDE. HE'S GOING TO BE SI--" I have to admit, I started laughing, and then I heard it, the SPLAT. Little bits of funnel cake were stuck to the wall between our heads, and the Poor Kid's face was covered with vomit.

I was able to hear a shift in the ride's sound as we started to slow down. The floor rose, as we slid down the wall. Our feet met the bottom. A door opened, and in came the mop and glow team. I could see that they had done this many times before. During the bus ride home, we were supposed to be doing our homework, comparing our notes and data from our rides. Physics experiments are a lot of fun, in a demented and sad sort of way. But we all used our time more wisely, at least in my about-to-vote-for-Michael-Dukakis, 18 year old brain we were. We made fun of this Poor Kid for most of the bus ride back to Long Island, and we all got in trouble.

Every single one of us, except for the Poor Kid of course, had to write a paper. The following day, we all had to deliver our respective hypotheses on how the projectile, semi-digested funnel cake ended up in the Poor Kid's face on a spinning ride. Now kids, follow me, in 1986 we didn't have the internet. I waited until the following morning and went to a building called the library. My dad was happy to write me the late note for school. The class was split pretty evenly on two guesses. The first group thought that the Poor Kid vomited, and got halfway around the ride before his facial splashdown. I disagreed with this theory because I would have seen it wiz past my face. The remaining students believed that The Poor Kid went all the way around, 360 degrees from where the vomit left his stomach and mouth. And that same force, which kept the popcorn in the tub while I was upside down on Lightning Loops, brought it back into his own face.

I was the one who found the Coriolis Effect, in a book, in a library, in 1986.

• a mass moves in a rotating system, in the opposite direction of the rotation.

• the moving object is deflected to the right in the northern hemisphere, especially in places like Great Adventure on Physics Day.

• hence the Poor Kid was about 270 degrees from the expulsion of the vomit, when the facial splashdown happened.

Back to Now

Let's just say my present day post traumatic stress ride operator suggested that I do something pretty major, which would keep me on the ride longer. Perhaps they would write me ride tickets which would sort of buy me more time for less money. In that case, would I be:

• a mass in a rotating system?

• a poor kid, who puked in her own face?

• pieces of semi-digested funnel cake?

• my own ride operator?

She blinded me with science

She blinded me with science

And failed me in geometry.

--Thomas Dolby, 1982