"The Stolen Princess"

[announcer] Once upon a time,

in a distant land,

two immensely powerful sorcerers clashed in an epic battle

to claim the hand of a captivating princess.

[dramatic music]

[evil laughter]

[panting]

Fin, you cannot best me.

Chernomor, good always triumphs over evil, and I am the embodiment of good.

Blah, blah, blah.

[coughing]

[Chernomor panting]

[whining]

[Fin] It seems you need some fresh air.

[ironic laughter]

Nina, my love, I'm coming.

No, Fin, it's a trap!

[Fin] Oh... Oh!

-Nina! Nina! -[Nina] Fin!

[Fin panting and screaming]

[whining]

[Fin] Nina.

Surprise!

You foolishly underestimated my powers.

It seems evil has prevailed.

And who, who, who is evil?

It is I. I am evil!

In a mere moment, your love will be mine.

Nina.

Fin, my love. [whining]

[Chernomor laughing]

Finally.

Now, what shall I transform you into?

A rabbit? A grasshopper?

Oh, how about a flower?

[Fin panting]

[panting] I won't let it end this way.

I will find a way. I will make it right.

You will be defeated, evil Chernomor!

[laughter]

Oh, a teleportation potion. Are you attempting to flee?

Then run, you coward, and I shall ensure that you...

[young man] Hey, lord!

Four suitors are approaching to propose.

...until the end of your pathetic life. [laughs]

[whispering] Ruslan! "I will never forgive you."

Chernomor, Ruslan, eh? "I will never forgive."

Ruslan, hey! Ruslan.

Uh... Where are you, my Juliet?

Come out, onto the balcony.

I wish to gaze into your eyes.

What? Juliet? Balcony? Are you out of your mind?

Oh! I mean-- Oh, Chernomor, I will never forgive you.

I will find a way.

Uh!

Uh, well, what's the point? Everyone has already left.

No, no, no, no, no. We perform until the last spectator departs.

Wait.

Or the last listener.

Hey, who said that? I can't hear you either.

But perhaps that's for the best.

[sighing]

Lestor, everyone is tired

of your tales of sorcery.

Can't you write something contemporary?

Something about knights, perhaps?

What you need to do is learn your lines.

All you can think of is knights.

But how cool is it?

Clad in armor, sword in hand,

and in the distance you spot...

Yourself cleaning the stage.

A beautiful princess in need of rescue,

not yourself scrubbing the floor.

I wish I could quit and become a knight.

Children of knights become knights,

but you, my friend, are the son of an actor.

Thus, it is not your choice; it is your fate.

Thank you for the reminder.

[Ruslan] Wow, they were fast.

[knights panting and whining]

[Lestor] Looks like the marriage proposals didn't go well.

[knight screaming]

Yeah, and they took our entire audience with them.

Well, let's see if we can scrounge up some dinner.

Yes, yes, and in the meantime,

I shall pen another chapter of my masterpiece.

[knocking on door]

[king] Mila, such behavior is unacceptable.

But I don't want to get married.

Cease this immediately. Open the door at once.

[Mila panting]

Problem solved!

-No one will ever... -[king] Mila!

Enter. Uh, but how did you--

I mean, you were just over there.

Aha! A secret passage, as I suspected.

Mila, marriage is not something to fear.

I assure you, your future husband will protect you, just as I do.

[Mila] That's precisely my point.

This is what your protection looks like.

[imitating the king] "Don't go here. It's dangerous.

Don't go there. It's dangerous.

Don't go anywhere, for everywhere is dangerous.

Stay home, Mila, for the rest of your life."

While someone else sails the seven seas,

climbs mountains, and tames dragons.

Look at her. Soon, that will be me.

No. I will not allow you to resemble her.

Besides, she's wearing excessive makeup.

[man screaming]

Apologies. Hahaha.

But it's not about the makeup.

And what made me think you could ever understand?

You are a princess, Mila.

It is finally time for you to act like one.

I know what that means.

It means a princess should be dull, predictable,

and well-behaved.

Above all, she should be miserable.

D-- d-- d-- what?

You frustrate me with these grand words.

Oh, how much you resemble your mother.

Oh, mother.

Mother would understand me.

Mila, I won't be around forever,

and if I were to depart unexpectedly, like your mother,

I want to ensure someone will care for you.

But I don't want anyone to care for me.

I can manage just fine on my own.

I dream of something greater happening to me.

Even if it's a small adventure, it would be better than this.

I yearn to feel alive in the world

and not confined to this wretched castle.

Mila, you are insufferable.

This is not your decision.

-Huh? -You will marry regardless.

And if you don't choose a suitor by tomorrow,

I will choose one for you.

This is the king's decree, and it is final.

She desires adventure. Huh, imagine...

Not my choice. Really?

[upbeat music]

[Fin] Here you go.

[Fin] Thank you, thank you.

You shouldn't have. Same time tomorrow?

-Bye. -Bye!

Good catch, huh?

[horse neighing]

Wait!

What's happened?

I'm feeling unwell.

Again?

I apologize, brother.

[Farlaf] Ratmir, stop mocking your brother.

And quit picking your nose.

[Farlaf] Am I the only one in this family with brains?

Hey, sir, it would be polite of you to apologize.

Uh, did someone just say something?

Ratmir, did you hear someone speaking?

Yeah, yeah, Farlaf, that guy right here.

You fool, can't you play along?

Let's see what we have here.

What's this? A fool has been found?

How dare you make claims against me?

His Highness, Knight Farlaf, and your future king.

I am not a fool. His Highness, Knight Falafel.

Farlaf! I am Farlaf! Rogday, Ratmir!

You will witness the true might of nobility.

As I was saying...

Now you shall witness the-- Rogday!

Give me a moment.

Now you shall witness the power of noble Sir Farlaf.

[Rogday retching and vomiting]

[Ruslan and Ratmir laughing]

And I am still a knight!

And I[Fin] will achieve greatness, conquer castles, and win the hearts of princesses. And you, Ratmir, are destined for tattered pockets, ragged attire, and the company of this eyesore of a companion. Nothing in this world can change it.

[Rogday] Farlaf, wait!

Una is a titmouse!

And I...

I am not a fool.

Well, this place doesn't seem too dangerous.

Hey there, miss. Looks like you could use some help.

[Mila] Ah... No, thank you. I'm perfectly fine. [laughs]

Hey, sweetheart.

What brings such beauty to our neighborhood?

Didn't your mommy and daddy ever tell you

that this area is filled with thugs?

Right, they're a nasty bunch, you know.

But tonight, you're in luck.

We can offer you protection for a small fee.

Let's say, the price of that lovely necklace you're wearing.

-No way! No! -[screams in pain]

Hey!

Ouch! Why are you still standing there? Go get her.

[panting]

[Mila screams]

[Ruslan] Miss.

Miss, uh-- are you all right?

Really?

[Mila screams]

Not again.

Oh, sorry. Can I assist you?

Whoa, whoa, easy. I was just trying to help.

If you still need assistance, please call the guards

or perhaps a knight.

A knight. That's me.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Sir Ruslan, at your service.

What happened to you, my Lady?

[Mila] Those men!

Gotcha! [laughs]

Hand over the necklace or you'll regret it.

It's my mother's pendant. I'll never take it off.

No, as a knight, it's my duty.

I won't allow you to harm the lady.

Well, well.

And you probably bought that sword on sale.

-[Ruslan] Come on! -I, on the other hand,

never skimp when it comes to weapons.

Okay. Plan B, then.

-See those guards over there! -Huh? Guards?

Finally. Aha!

Are you kidding? That sword wouldn't frighten a chicken.

Ha! This is the latest model.

[whining]

[grunting]

[Fin panting]

[Fin screaming]

[whining]

I'm going to catch you.

[panting]

Hey.

And that was only half my strength.

[laughing]

[Fin] We need to go.

But didn't we win?

[screaming and shouting]

We have to run.

Follow me!

[Fin] This way.

They were right here, but then they vanished.

Huh. Huh.

[Una chirping]

Phew! Looks like we've lost them.

Uh-oh, sorry.

That's okay.

Let's go.

[Fin] We're safe now.

Thank you for rescuing me.

Ah! It was nothing.

For a skilled knight like me, it was a piece of cake.

We're trained for precisely--

[Una chirping]

So, you're not from around here, I assume.

What gave it away?

Oh, the locals know these parts are filled with-- um...

Thugs? Yes, I'm aware of that too.

So, where are you from?

It doesn't matter.

I left that place, and I don't want to go back.

Uh huh. Can I assume it was a dull place?

No, it wasn't terrible, just...

boring.

It's hard for you to understand

how it feels to have your destiny predetermined at birth

when nothing exciting ever happens to you.

When you can only be

the person others expect you to be

and nothing in your life...

Is your choice.

Exactly! It's not my choice.

That's why I decided to run away.

[sighing]

I simply want to experience real life,

real adventures, real freedom.

Now I see how foolish it is.

Even here, that peculiar little man on the wall is mocking me.