The Missing Father's Love

Adler said, "The fortunate are healed by childhood all their lives; the unlucky are healed by childhood all their lives."

The effect of my parparent'svorce on me became completely apparent when I went to college. For two years, I was haunted by constant nightmares, crying so loudly every night that my roommate had to slap me awake so hard in the middle of the night ......

At that time, my mind would always come up with the phrase: Is my life over?

I was born in Baotou, Inner Mongolia, a standard northern girl. Life, before I was seven years old, was bitter in my mind. My father often did not come home, and my mother and I were the only ones living in the compound.

The yelling, sarcasm, and sharp words ended in a violent slam, and I had to spend a hard night hugging my Paddy Dog.

As a result, I was terrified of my father, so much so that I still fear him today. I blamed him for everything and thought that if I left, everything would be better. So, I pulled my mother and said, "Let's go! Take my stuffed animal and leave Dad."

I was seven years old, and my mother took me, along with $20,000 to divorce my father. She naively thought she could buy her own house and moved out only to find out that trying to buy a house with $20,000 was a pipe dream.

In the end, she had to rent a small southern house in an isolated area. Next to the ditch, mosquitoes, and flies in the summer, the smell is not to mention how bad.

The room is so small that it can only put down a bed, a cabinet, plus a small square table. The whole room is not exposed to sunlight all year round, so it is humid in summer and cold in winter and even infested with small insects.

We had to accept the hardships brought by fate, like accepting a heavy rain that was not expected.

Three years later, my mother saved money to buy a bungalow and we had a home of our own. Although it was free from the stinky ditch, it was still remote.

The house was on a hillside, and every day when we came home, we had to push our electric car for a long walk. The winters in Inner Mongolia were cold and long, with minus 30 degrees a common occurrence. In the fourth grade, I wore my relatives' old clothes inside and out, and my hands and face were red with cold, and I had to help my mother push the cart.

If there is spring in your heart, there will be spring everywhere. If there is no spring in your heart, it is winter everywhere. Despite the hardships, I am still very happy. It was the greatest happiness to be away from quarrels and fears, and even to have my own home.

I remember the day I first moved to my new home, my mother happily bought shrimp, which was the best thing I had ever eaten. And all of it is the mother selling children's clothing in exchange for, sometimes busy with water and rice, sometimes so tired that he fell ill in bed.

That period of suffering to the extreme, but also let me realize that no matter what kind of hardship, as long as you grit your teeth, you can persevere through.

However, it wasn't long before something happened that made my mother determined to move out of the house. Late that night at 11:00 p.m., a strange man suddenly knocked hard on the door, and in the silence of the night, the knock knock knock sounded as if it was knocking on our hearts.

My mother and I hugged each other in fear, but the other side kept knocking and ignored my mother's shouting and cursing for a long time before leaving.

From then on, my mother felt that the place was not safe. She used all of the family's savings, plus borrowed money to put a down payment on a sixth-floor house on the street, and we both settled down.

My mother was very busy, so from elementary school to high school, I was the one who went to and from school alone. But no matter how hard it was, I never felt dissatisfied or complained. Because I knew that fate was such that I should have experienced all of this.

I thought I was independent and strong until my senior year of high school when I saw a scene on the street through a window that instantly broke my guard. I saw a father carrying his daughter on his shoulders, laughing and talking as he passed in front of me. The scene was so ordinary, but it brought tears to my eyes.

I longed for my father's love, but in the end, I couldn't get it. In order not to distract my mother, I never allowed myself to make mistakes since I was a child. From elementary school up to college, every step was solid.

To ease the burden on my family, I chose the orientation teacher training program without considering whether I liked it or not. Because the tuition fee was completely free, except that I had to return to my hometown to teach in the future.

What caught me off guard was the subtle influence of a single-parent family, which became completely apparent during my college years.

My mother had always been strong, and I relied on her for many decisions. When things didn't go well, my mother would throw a fit, so I acted based on whether she was happy or not.

In the process, I wore out my interests and my proper perception of myself. So much so that over the years, I don't know what I like, I'm used to performing tasks and have long lost myself.

So, after entering college, many times I was not sure of my preferences, nor did I know what I wanted, much less could I make decisions on my own. I found myself useless and slowly began to become inferior.

One time in the Civics class, the teacher happened to say "I'm going to the movies with my girl", and I couldn't stop crying in the classroom.

This sentence deeply hurt me, the street that day, father and daughter, once again in front of my eyes, sadness instantly swallowed me, so I have always longed for fatherly love.

For two years after that, I cried in my sleep countless times, hissing and crying, and my roommate always woke me up from my dreams now and then.

I was faced with a major I didn't like during the day and nightmares at night. I began to think, "What is the meaning of life? Why did I come to this world? The more I thought about it, the more radical I became, and I slowly started to go off course.

I started not to interact with people, and I seldom talked all day long. I wore two layers of hats and masks in class, covering myself up tightly so that I could feel safe. Many times, I would shed tears unconsciously, but I was completely unaware of it.

Sometimes there is only a wall of light and darkness, and as long as you try to break through, one second the dark clouds, and the next can be a clear sky.

I started searching the Internet for questions about counseling, but I accidentally found real people interviews.

There were so many ordinary people of all shapes and sizes, doing such extraordinary things. I realized that there were so many possibilities in life and so many ways to live!

I desperately wanted to give myself a hand and share the burden of life with my mother. Because of the epidemic, my family's business was getting worse and worse, and it was hard to listen to my mother's tired replies every time I talked to her.

As a science student, I was not sure if I would be able to sign a contract as I was a pure beginner in writing.

But I knew that if I didn't act, I was bound to get deeper and deeper into the emotional quagmire. So, I chose to take a gamble.

After a week of study, I opened my first interview. Because I had refused to interact with others for a long time, when faced with an interview, I simply did not know how to communicate with the other party and was even a bit afraid.

With the teacher's guidance and tips, I spent a few hours making a detailed outline, and only then did I get up the courage to contact the other party. The other person was very well-educated, gentle, and kind, and gradually I also relaxed.

She was a single mother after 80 years, who had fallen in love with a Pakistani guy 16 years younger than herself. That night, I immersed myself in their story and had my first good night's sleep in over two years.

Then I started writing based on the material, and the more I wrote, the more I got high, and I even thought I would be able to pass the draft once and for all. But after I turned in the manuscript, my teacher gave me a headache.

There were not only grammatical errors in the whole article, but also illogical, and there was no connection between paragraphs. Looking at the article with all kinds of annotations, I realized my level and started to put aside my impatience and learn it practically.

The teacher helped me analyze word by word while talking in voice, and the knowledge that was unfamiliar to me became extraordinarily clear with this explanation.

In this way, I changed it three times, and after half a month, I finally published my first article. I was the slowest one compared to the others, but I was encouraged by my teacher and my friends to give up my inferiority complex and strive for a contract.

I didn't expect that my second article would be my 1 million+. He was even more excited than me and kept expressing his gratitude.

Only then did I feel a real sense of accomplishment, and the meaning of life, which I had never thought of before, gradually surfaced.

In this way, I successfully drafted three articles in one month and became a contract author. A seemingly insignificant decision, but for me, it was a major turnaround.

After joining True Cai, my life began to usher in various high moments.

Because I learned to write with True Cai, I was able to write all kinds of materials required by the school, and I was successfully published in the official publicity number of the campus.

Because I was good at writing character drafts, I was selected by the editor of a headlining platform and signed my first $10,000 order, thus embarking on the road to financial independence.

Because I am constantly in contact with talented people in various fields, I have more clarity about my future life path, and now I am full of motivation and confidence.

We all hope to be favored by Lady Luck, but we don't realize it when it comes because it often disguises itself as a hammer of misery that keeps hitting us.