Teachers Have Feelings Too

"It's not like you even care about me." Student A said, or rather, yelled across the room at me as I stood behind my podium, entering grades and observing the student collaboration on the days activity. The students were preparing for debates to be held the following week, and unfortunately Student A was given an alternative assignment due to inappropriate class behavior and incompletion of class/homework assignments.

Trust me, I didn't like giving Student A the alternative assignment. In fact, I was almost sick to my stomach moments before telling Student A that they would not be participating in the debate because I knew what the reaction would be. I almost went back on my word and spent the first 15 minutes of class debating whether or not to just let Student A participate anyway so I wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions. But then I had to remember as an equitable teacher, how that wouldn't be fair to the other students who had been following the expectations, both academically and with their behavior.

The week leading up to the debate, as anticipated damage control, I sent an email home to parents and read the email out loud to my classes explaining how "if students are unable to complete the academic obligations and are disrespectful to teachers or peers, they will not participate in the actual debate." I sent it, I said it, and I meant it... so when it came down to it, I also had to follow through with it.

But ouch. Those final words were the icing on the cake, the cherry on top, the tip of the iceberg. Other comments, actions and situations occurred leading up to the above statement, but before I knew it, I was turned away from the students and looking intently at my computer screen, holding back tears. Yes, me, the teacher, holding back tears in front of 25 of my students.

Why? Because, I, the teacher, am also human. And to hear a student go to the extent of shouting out how I don't care about them (after calling me "bruh", tearing up their work and throwing it in the trash, and flat out saying "no, I will not do my work"), hit me like kryptonite.

Why? Because I do care. I care. I care. I care. I actually care so much that to have any student realistically think I don't care about them, almost physically hurts me. I didn't feel my blood boiling out of anger, but the shivers up and down my body from just helplessness and like I had just been gut punched. Because as a teacher, it is embarrassing to stand there and take one student acting out so disrespectfully in front of the other students whom you had created relationships with throughout the year .

Why? Because teachers don't have the rights or trust we used to, or that society think we do from schools and/or parents. We say the "wrong" thing, we get in trouble. We show too much affection, we get in trouble. We show too little affection, we get in trouble. We call one student out "too much", we get in trouble. We don't show enough attention to one student, we get in trouble. And who has been a strong deciding factor in this forced acceptance and/or lack of authority and defense toward the disrespect of students and necessary damage control in classroom activities? Parents.

Sadly, it stems from the influence and biases of parents. Parents either have too much support from schools that they think they can say and expect whatever they want with no empathy toward the teachers, or they don't have enough support from schools to where they form their student as a victim. Parents have the tendency to turn their student into the victim, either unintentionally or intentionally based on their own feelings and opinions. As much as that can be hard to do, they need to let their students form their own opinions. Especially about others. Especially about their teachers. They need to understand that when they influence their student to make the teacher as the bad guy or not rightfully authoritative, they come back to school acting on just that biased idea.

Even some parents who are teachers themselves use words in emails like "punish", "singled out" and "shuttered self-esteem", when describing the hear say, one-sided and skewed version of a situation that occurs in the classroom when they go home and have to explain why they were in trouble/received a bad grade. And they know. They know what we go through day to day. They know there are always two sides to every story and yet, some parents can't seem to rationalize that the teacher could perhaps be telling the truth. Of course, this is not all parents, but definitely enough. Just enough.

In fact, it has been shown that the average consecutive years that a teacher stays in the teaching profession before switching careers is five years, one of the key factors being parents as their reason for leaving education. It is sad to hear, but also sadly true.

So to the parents who aren't in the classroom with your student/child for 8 hours a day:

We wouldn't be doing this job if it weren't for our passion. We don't get paid enough and we don't get enough credit for the multi-tasking, brain stimulating and pulled-in-different-directions mindset that we have to endure on a daily basis. Not that I am complaining... it is the truth.

And we do know your child. And we know your student. We see them, hear them, teach them and we are with them 8 hours a day. We see what triggers them, what provokes them, and what shuts them down. We see what motivates them, what interests them and what helps them. We know who they interact with, what subject they like and what their hobbies are. We actually know your child very well, and are grateful to know them as more than a student.

As amazing as it sounds that teachers are supposed to be these emotionally unaffected, poker faced, mind reading super heroes, we aren't. Not always anyway... We too have feelings, and sometimes we too get our feelings hurt. Sometimes a student or parent will push us so far over the edge that we have to show our kryptonite, that is, embarrassment and hurt feelings.

So all that is asked, is for understanding, some patience and trust. Please understand that we want what is best for every student and child, and that we do not (or intend to) single anyone out. Please understand that not only are we expected to be patient, but hope parents can be patient with us too. And lastly, please trust that we are in this profession for the right reasons, and that our passion for students and education, experiences and skills set have and do prepare us everyday to do our absolute best in preparing your child for the successes and growths necessary to take on the future!