SWEET REVENGE

There is never a dull moment in the world of teaching. And never was this more true than my first year of teaching. In every crowd there is always the class clown. In this particular year I was twice blessed. JJ and RJ were complete opposites in every way. RJ was a lover, JJ was a fighter. RJ was small for his age, JJ was a 75 pound 6 year old with a personality larger than life! As it happens so often in life, opposites attract, and they became the best of friends, and every teacher's worst nightmare. I could write a whole book about their shenanigans that year, but let's cut right to the rich, good stuff, shall we?

As previously stated, JJ was a big boy. So common sense would tell one to not mess with his food at lunchtime, right? Well, as luck would have it, RJ must have been absent the day common sense was passed out. He just could not resist swiping a finger at JJ's food once in a while. Mostly, it was just an innocent taste of mashed potatoes here, or a pepperoni slice there. One particular week the cafeteria must have had an abundance of chocolate cake because they served it every day. Then one day the frosting hit the fan.

"You need to come see this." I was eating my lunch in the teachers lounge, no doubt listening to endless stories about a new student, the latest teaching assessments, and childbirth experiences, when my paraprofessional approached me with those words. (The latter being an excellent form of birth control, by the way)! I followed her into the cafeteria not knowing quite what to expect. She was super laid back and not prone to histrionics, having raised five girls herself. What I find is RJ sobbing uncontrollably with what I can only assume is chocolate cake smeared all over his face. My para proceeds to tell me that RJ took one too many finger swipes of JJ's chocolate cake this week, and JJ lost his temper. He had finally had enough of RJ stealing his food, and JJ did what any normal 6 year old would and smashed his head into the piece of cake on the food tray. I marched both of them to the office forthwith!

My school at the time had two things of beauty; a time out bench, and an amazingly supportive leader. Word travels fast and the principal was already standing outside his office door. "What is this nonsense? Go sit on the red bench!" He ushered me into his office to hear the full story, and we had a good , silent chuckle behind his partially closed door. Barely suppressing a laughing smile, a lecture was given and consequences ordered. They were not to sit together at lunch for two weeks, an eternity for a 6 year old. RJ was not, under any circumstances, to steal anymore food off of anyone's tray. Finally, I made RJ wash up in the classroom bathroom, and then they both had to write apology notes at their desks while I finished my lunch at my own.

From what I was told by my lunchroom spies, RJ did not eat a single piece of chocolate cake for the rest of the year. On the rare occasions chocolate cake was served, he instead gifted his piece to his dear partner in crime, JJ. These two hooligans were by no means cured of their love for mischief. They provided my paraprofessional, principal, and I with much laughter, heartaches, and tears. But I wouldn't trade the memories made that year, nor the trust I gained in their parents. I never did hear what became of those two. RJ's parents moved to another school district. JJ's dad was released from prison so he finally had a distraction from his eating habits. There truly was never a dull moment that year. Stay tuned for the "pee in a glue bottle" story....!