Student Life from the Perspective of a Socially Awkward, T-Total, Broke and Clueless 18 Year Old

I'm writing this when I should be reading an article about Non-Interference in Southeast Asia as part of a group project for International Politics (by Lee Jones if anyone is remotely interested). Only five weeks in to year 1, and already I feel like I just can't be bothered; I should be sleeping, I should be finding a job so I can actually afford to live, I should be doing the reading for the next year that I didn't know existed until yesterday.

In reality, I should be doing all of the above, and then some.

I keep finding ways to distract from the inevitability that is my work (hence this piece of writing), because it has hit me that I am at university, it is still hard, I still do not know what I am doing.

But most importantly, and frankly most terrifyingly: I am an Adult now. How do I Adult though? How is Adulting done? Because, to be honest, I am still unsure about how to set up a cleaning routine (is cleaning once a week socially acceptable? Does that include dusting? What clothes can be put into a colour wash and what is designated a '40' wash?), I definitely don't know how to pay my accommodation rent when I'm about £1,500 under, and I'm still unable to do things without feeling like I need to let my parents know.

Where is the great Adulting Manual of Life that I am in desperate need of?

My friends seem to know what to do—they have jobs, they're studies are going well, they're on top of the reading, tests are coming back with high scores. Why is it that I don't know what to do? Was there a meeting with all 16-25 year old that I completely blanked?

But never mind, I am still enjoying the euphoria of being far far away from the crushing life of a claustrophobic, insanely Conservative middle-class, carbon-copy-students school. More specifically the Sixth Form. A levels are just the reoccurring nightmares that I have eventually stopped having, and so I will take the unknown void of adulthood over that any day. I can actually talk to people I want to, rather than people who I got stuck with for the duration of Secondary school. I can be completely anti-social and no-one cares enough to spread God-knows-what about my life and why-I-look-so-down-recently-maybe-it's-because-something-at-home-or-what-about-this-or-that-or-something-that-is-totally-not-true. But also it gives me the opportunity to breathe. Like, actually breathe and not have someone jumping down my throat about revising for exams, or how I'm not working hard enough. I can actually live a life of both work and fun.

So, whilst I am most definitely drowning in a life I completely signed up for without reading the Terms and Conditions (as we all do), maybe it's not so bad.

After all, I can eat cookies in the middle of the night and no-one can tell me off about being awake.

(P.S. I still need to finish my reading...)