My Biggest Decision in College Made Me a Statistic

Around two years ago, I made the biggest decision of my life. This decision is more common than you'd think, but to me, it felt freeing like I'd grown some wings and soared. However, it also felt so wrong because I thought, "What would people think?"

I became a college dropout.

The decision came during my fourth semester at a public university. I was always sure of why I had dropped out, but now that I think about it all, I realize there are many reasons why.

While I was in high school, I applied to two different universities because it's what senior year of high school is all about. You apply to universities and colleges because your school counselor believes in you and your high school is considered a college prep. You apply because all of your friends are doing it. You apply because your parents want you to be successful. However, shortly after my high school graduation, I felt like going to college wasn't what I wanted at the time.

Therefore, when I first started college, despite the fact that I knew I wasn't ready subconsciously, I still attended a university in the city anyway because my parents pressured me. My mom was constantly telling me assertively, "You have to go to college now," when I told her I wanted to take a year off, "because you won't want to start later on."

So I took three semesters of general education classes with no idea what I wanted to major in, but after the third semester, I decided I wanted to major in English with a concentration in creative writing. I really enjoyed writing stories and my deepest passion was to write a fiction book. In addition, I enjoyed writing essays because I love grammar and I'm a perfectionist even though English is my second language.

Nevertheless, my extreme criticism of myself and my writing prevented me from publishing anything. On the other hand, English classes weren't all fun and games at the beginning. A lot of them were very structured writing classes without a creative component. By that time, it was too late.

I constantly felt depressed and I couldn't write anything for my assignments. I cried days on end because I felt so lost. I hated everything about college. I couldn't connect with my peers because I commuted to the city from the suburbs. I couldn't afford room and board so I didn't feel connected to the campus. At that point, I tried talking to my college counselor, but nothing was helping.

That's when I made that biggest decision of my life and I dropped out of college mid-semester. As I've stated before, I've never felt freer in my life before. Chains were broken and the cage was opened.

All the same, I'm sure you can tell how my parents reacted. My mom, more than my dad, was furious with me, but soon enough she realized and admitted, "I wish I had known this was going to happen, that way I wouldn't have pushed you to go to college yet."

Either way, I had a part-time job as a banquet server at the time, but I felt like I needed to do something with my life so I sought out a full-time job. It was great and I felt like a real professional, but I couldn't adapt to change very well and when things started to change at work, I made another big decision.

I applied to a community college.

I felt a little more prepared and grown up to take on college. Granted, I still didn't know what I wanted to major in. I took thousands and thousands of personality quizzes to figure out what career would be best for me.

At first, I chose software development, but before I even started I chickened out because I felt like it would be too hard based on other people's opinions. I mean, I know I shouldn't rely on other people's opinions, but I knew I didn't want to go back to get a Bachelor's Degree after I got my Associate's Degree for quite some time.

So, what did I finally choose?

Graphic Design.

And even though I still have my doubts about college, and sometimes I regret leaving my full-time job, I'm hoping I can push through.

In the end, I feel like college isn't for everyone and we shouldn't be forced to believe that college is the only way to have a life because there are many more options to explore. However, if you choose to take the college route, just know that it's okay to change your mind countless times and even go back like me.