I Quit Teaching Today

Before reading this please know that I am aware of how privileged I am as a white girl with career opportunities in a developed country, where I can openly criticize my government without any repercussions. I live a free, peaceful life without prejudice or struggle. I don’t seek sympathy. I just needed to write out my feelings.

Ten minutes ago at 12:30 pm, today on the 4th of November 2021, I said goodbye to my last English as a Second Language (ESL) student.

My heart is broken but I’m not going to sugarcoat it — I’m shattered.

I made myself teach an extra day to say goodbye to my favorite student (Yes, teachers have favorites). She sidelined me with a prepared speech about how she was reluctant to let me go, and how she wanted me to teach her forever.

Teach her forever? How can you not get emotional at that? I held it for the lesson but had a little cry after I logged out. I wish I could teach ESL forever but I can’t. I find it awfully draining. It’s taken a toll on my health. My student’s speech makes me want to go back and keep on teaching for my former uncaring, unsupportive employer, to help my student grow further, but I know for my health — I’m done.

Teaching consumes your life. It’s a job, but for me making connections with my students — children and adults I’ve known for years now, has engrained them into my life. You and your students become part of each others’ routines. It's an odd realisation. Perhaps I’m too sensitive, too emotional to let go. I love the act of teaching, I love helping students learn and grow. But I don’t love the content I’m teaching, my hours, my employer, and it’s taken a toll on my health. Something’s had to give.

I’ve been teaching ESL for nearly four years now and it’s a path I never planned to go down. I feel like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole, true to my middle name — Alice. Like Alice in wonderland. Even though I love teaching my students, changing careers has been tough. I’ve been studying a law conversion and applied for hundreds of legal assistant jobs over the past few months. I’ve had zilch replies.

So, what’s a girl to do? carry on teaching? That’s what I’ve done through the Covid-19 pandemic. I can’t do it any longer. Even though it breaks my heart.

There’s a lot of controversy about being an ESL teacher. Usually, generalist statements are thrown out there and accusations not limited to; ‘They’re not real teachers’, ‘It is a made-up job’, ‘How dare white teachers teach students of another race’, ‘How dare teachers teach in another country when local staff can do it’ and more.

It’s easy to make generalist assumptions and statements, and while I agree with the last one to a point, each teacher has their own individual journey and experience. You can’t assume someone is a great or bad teacher by the subject they teach, the color of their skin or location.

I’ve worked six-day weeks for the best of three years. I’ve taught in seven hour stretches (14 classes in a row) and been able to do nothing but sleep until the next shift. It’s taken over my life. It’s been a passion that’s left me burnout. Until it’s no longer a passion. It’s a chain around my neck.

It’s the students who have kept me there. It wasn't until I recently had a weeks holiday that I realised my work was stressing me out. I am at the point where I’ve realised that I love teaching children but maybe the ESL environment is the wrong area for me. Or perhaps this is the end of the teaching chapter in my life and I’m ready to move on to other things. I don’t know. I’m trying to figure everything out. Like everyone else.

I feel bad that I can’t carry on teaching English.

I have an assistant primary school position secured for January and while I’m looking forward to that, and a change of environment, role and pace, I’m more relieved that I have the best part of a two-month break. I’m also going away for the Christmas Holidays. I might tutor some students here and there, but I am looking forward to exploring other career options. Including writing online, creating video content and interning in instructional design.

I was planning on teaching English in Korea next year, but now I’m not so sure. I’ve read a lot about how some teachers are trapped in hellish teaching routines and have to perform extra, unpaid duties. It’s a risky, mixed bag. I’m on the fence about doing it. What if I arrive there and the country shuts down due to a Covid-19 outbreak? And if I can’t earn money or fly back home? The world has changed a lot in only a year. I’m not sure what to do.

Also, I love writing but I don’t see it as a full-time career for me. I’ve tried to be a freelance writer before, years ago and it was super tough to break through and get writing clients. That was 2014 though, and I guess the climate for writers has changed. Technology has advanced and Covid-19 has made remote work for many careers a possibility now. But there’s also a higher saturation of writers. I am thinking of getting a recruiter on board, so perhaps I find some part-time remote content writing work?

Takeaway

I’m going to take some ‘me’ time and try to figure this out.

Now I need to focus on what I want. I’m going to share articles about education and writing — in addition to travel. I want to build up my portfolio in these areas.

I’m going to focus on my employability.

Being creative is a part of me. Writing online has given me a lease of life.

I’m ever so grateful for the support from you, my friends.

If you’re feeling trapped in a career due to feeling responsible or other pressures, like me. Try to speak to a careers advisor or research careers that can use your skills. There is a way out. There are multiple ways out!

I’ve taken one step closer today.

@ CarrieAKelly, 2021.