I am Losing My Mind and Not Afraid to Die

I’m getting married to my best friend for tax purposes. The system is corrupt and also designed by idiots. Why I’m not able to afford school when I’m not married vs when I am is ridiculous. I am an independent young adult that doesn’t WANT to get married right now but WANTS to go to school. And my parents no longer even declare me a dependent so why FAFSA refuses that makes no sense to me.

I’m sitting in my kitchen at my new house just vibing right now I have nothing I need to be doing right now and yet at the same time I have a billion different things I SHOULd be doing so why am I “wasting my time” or is this not actually a waste of time? Nothing makes any sense, nothing has any real meaning. Trying to understand the ins and outs of the universe is incredibly difficult to do but i’m on my 4th cup of coffee so what the hell? I want to be a writer someday, maybe even today, maybe even forever. It’s nothing new. When I was in elementary school I wrote in notebooks every day after school and that was how I spent my free time. My parents would yell at me to put my books down, stop wasting notebooks and paper and watch tv with them for “quality family time”. Why they never encouraged me to keep reading and writing I will never know.

You would think your parents would get excited about you going to college, but when you go to be an art major of any kind I suppose it’s just not in any adults DNA to approve. Why bother? Why waste your time and money on this job that is SOO competitive and SOO heavily saturated when you could just major in business like the rest of the jabronis that are ALL doing that right as we speak?? Because the economy and the social climate of today is nothing close to how it was 25 years ago. None of this is news either to anyone that pays attention to how the world operates these days but to adults that are settled in their livelihood and their career it’s not something they would even dare to consider.

I don’t see any point in people writing educational, heavily worded essays these days. The internet has connected us all and made communication so much simpler to the point where we don’t need to over-explain things. Life moves faster and faster every day as we progress further and further as a society technologically and socio-politically. We don’t have time to try and deeply analyze every text we read to understand the meaning. We want things to be easily digested and I don’t see the problem with that. Why spend hours and hours trying to make something sound more complex than it is? Lets just have a fucking conversation about it maybe? Allow anyone of any intellectual standing to understand what you're saying because, after all, don’t we want to be heard by as many people as possible?