Grandparents or grandparents?

I'm sure many people in their 20s and 30s now grew up with their grandparents or grandma and grandpa as children.

Accompanying children growing up!

Looking back at childhood, the figure of their older generation appeared more clearly and frequently than their parents, so if you are asked whether you prefer grandparents or grandma and grandpa, what would your answer be?

Western countries have done some scientific sorting experiments on the closeness of these relationships, did you guess right?

The process of scientific sorting experiments

In 2011, Professor Tanskalen of the University of Helsinki, Finland, surveyed thousands of teenagers in the UK to rank the weight of grandparents and grandma and grandpa in the minds of teenagers, focusing on how much money the elderly give to children and how much time they spend with them.

The results of the survey showed that grandma topped the list, followed by grandma, then grandpa, and grandpa at the bottom.

This result did not cause much controversy, in addition to the survey itself being selected from a convincing sample size, the results are the same as the results of previous surveys.

As early as the 1980s, Professor Littlefield and Professor Rushden pin on several families who have lost a child survey.

The survey results showed that the elderly were very sad to face the tragic death of a child, especially a grandma, then grandma and grandpa, and embarrassingly, grandpa was still at the bottom.

In 2009, an American professor in Bissau found in a survey of college students' interactions with the elderly that among the more than 200 college students surveyed, they all interacted more frequently and communicated more with grandma, and had the least contact with grandpa among the four elderly.

The results of these two surveys are highly consistent with Professor Tanskalen's findings, so why does grandma always win the top spot in so many surveys?

It comes down to the fact that intergenerational relatives also have a "closeness" problem.

Intergenerational relatives refer to a phenomenon in which the older generation of parents has a closer relationship with the children, which may be inseparable from blood relations.

But in the intergenerational several elderly, each with the children's degree of intimacy also varies, the reason for such differences, I am afraid there are many factors.

For example, the mother is the one who gives birth to the child in October, and no matter how much the others love the child, it is not as strong as the mother's love.

A grandmother is the one who gave birth to the child's mother, the mother herself has more love and care than other people, facing their own children's flesh and blood of course will be more love and care, also pay more than the rest of the elderly.

As a woman, a grandma is also a person who has given birth to a child, so naturally, her feelings for the child are stronger than the other two male elders, and she will take care of the child more carefully in her daily life.

As the child's mother's father, the grandfather loves the child more than the grandfather's love, after all, from the child's conception to birth, is their own daughter's hard work to do.

Although the grandfather ranked last but does not mean that the children hate it, grandfather in discipline the child's father would have been a little more strict, naturally not like the grandmother and the grandmother is a gentle image.

Perhaps it is this more serious performance that makes children feel a little scared or difficult to approach, but never to the extent of hating.

Others say that this is also related to the relationship between the sexes, modern society's gender relations are a little more complex, and society is often exposed to cheating incidents making some couples less trusting of each other.

And if this is put in the case of women giving birth, it may be considered by the male side as not their children, and thus not able to give more care to the child, but there is no scientific basis for such a statement.

Older people show their love for their children in many ways, and companionship is one of the most powerful ways to release that love.

Nowadays, most elderly people stay alone in their homes, and their children only come home once in a while when they are working outside.

Although most parents are too busy to take care of their children and leave them to the elderly, in fact, no matter how they take care of them, children and the elderly living together is a process of mutual companionship between the two.

The elderly give their children the best they can, perhaps as a continuation of their mother's love, or as a "reward" to relieve their loneliness, but in any case, for the children themselves, these acts and material things can also make them feel loved by the elderly.

But these favors are not necessarily good for the children if they are not limited in some way.

The conflict between the elderly and their parents

"Will you stop spoiling him"!

Parents teaching their children

This phrase has appeared in many families with children and is said by parents to several elderly people when they are educating their children.

The biggest conflict between the elderly and the parents of children is about the education of children, almost all of the elderly believe that they can not beat children, sometimes even scold can not scold, many of the elderly when the children do something wrong, just on the side to protect, not allow the parents of children to discipline too harsh.

Although the stick education itself is not desirable, the uncontrolled coddling of the elderly will make children feel that it is okay to make mistakes, anyway, someone to protect even scolded, which is harmful to the growth of children.

In addition to spoiling, the older generation's habits and ideas are also the cause of conflicts with the children's parents.

For example, when taking care of children's daily life, the elderly may use their spoons to feed the children to eat, which was normal in their time, but now can cause very big conflicts.

Because in recent years there is increasing evidence that saliva can carry viruses that can easily affect the health of children whose immunity is still relatively low.

These situations exist in many families, but not all families are like this, and it's not that these conflicts can't be resolved.

These problems are solved when the parents of the children communicate clearly with the elderly about the reasoning and the advantages and disadvantages.

Many older people have more correct ideas about education than even young parents today, and many parents today are not ready to become parents before they have children.

Their perception of parenthood is still too immature, and some are not even qualified parents at all.

Children do not choose where they come from, but the law and morality will not spare any pair of "parents" who abuse children.

After all these hardships, children and their parents should be living happily ever after, but some demons cannot be called human.

In November 2020, two young children, one male, and one female fell from a high-rise building in a city, one died on the spot and the other died after being taken to the hospital.

2 young children fell from a high building in Chongqing

Just seeing the news of this fall has let my heart gripped together, the results of the accident investigation found that the two young children were thrown out of the window by their father, and the reason for making such a cruel thing just that he wanted to get married to another woman.

In this case, another woman was equally responsible for the accident as the father, as she had repeatedly mentioned asking him to get rid of the two children and had been actively pursuing the death of the victims at the time of the fall.

The woman's guilt is truly unforgivable and no one will make any excuses for her.

But what is most heartbreaking and outrageous about the accident is why a father of two children would throw two children off a building because of the words of a woman, and that the crime was not committed on a whim.

Rather, he deliberately designed to cheat the children from their biological mother, and then deliberately committed the crime, such a breakthrough in morality, law, and the bottom line of human morality, it is incomprehensible.

People are human precisely because there are boundaries to what they can and cannot do.

The reason why parents can be parents is that they do the responsibility of protecting their children's healthy growth, and the father in this incident not only did not do the duty of sheltering the children from the rain but also cruelly threw them off a high building, then and there, the children should be more desperate.

The two suspects were sentenced to death after the prosecution brought charges against them.

After receiving the verdict, the mother of the two young children took the verdict to the children's graves, hoping that the children could rest in peace. We cannot imagine the pain of a mother who lost two children at the same time, let alone the consequences caused by the children's biological father.

If in this case, the child's grandparents, grandparents had been concerned about the movement of children, increased care, may also reduced the probability of tragedy.