Can't Make Friends at University?

Sometimes we find it difficult to meet new people and work on building that relationship into a friendship. It takes time and effort, and during the process, we may ask ourselves if these are the people we want to spend our time with for the rest of your time at university and more.

Teachers used to tell us that you will meet people at university who will become part of your life even after university and that these friends will be friends for life. So this raises our standards on the type of people we want to meet and who is "worthy" enough to be part in our lives for the long run.

But what if we can't meet anyone? Why is it difficult to find and make friends? Everyone makes it sound so easy but in reality it can be a very stressful and anxious process. We all want to have great people in our lives who will be there for us during the hard times and the good times.We all have different personalities and characters. Some of us may appreciate reading a good book on a Friday night, some of us may find pleasure in attending parties, some of us may enjoy being around people who are devoted to being a better them, who enjoy studying to the max and achieving greatness, and the list could go on. Whichever one you may be, we all want to have supportive people around us. This may be well desired by individuals who do not have a supportive family around them.

The first step to finding a great friend is to be the friend that you want to have. If you want for your friends to be supportive and encouraging, the first thing you need to do is to become exactly that. You need to take on the attitude that you'd wish your friends to have towards you.

If you value kindness and confidence, learn how to be kind and confident yourself. Yes, you could say that you can always find kind and confident people. But if you choose to hide behind their characteristics, leaving the decision making to them, you won't grow as an individual because you're depending on others to do the "talking and walking" for you. You should aspire to grow into a better person, a great friend, so that when you meet someone new, you can be that devoted individual in their lives who will help them flourish into great, influential people.

During the process of building friendships, you will learn the type of community you want to be a part off. Maybe you came into your first at university with an idea on the type of people you wish to be friends with. However, most of the time, those ideal people have their flaws too. We can't expect perfection from a human being. So if they are 90 percent of what we want them to be, but focus on the 10 percent that we don't want them to be, we will never make a friend in our entire life.

Joining a club is the fastest way to search for a community of people who have similar interests as you. There are many clubs in the university that you can join. And this may be your key to finding acceptance from individuals as you share the same passion of a certain topic. If you are interested in movies, why not join the film society? If you are a Christian, why not join the Christian Union? If you are an international student, why not join the International Society? You can also join a society based on the course you are studying. And if your university does not have a club or society that interests you, why not start one? Are you interested in stand-up comedy? Start a stand-up comedy club or society and put on a show or watch a stand up show together on Netflix or even go and see a live show. But the fastest way to make a friend is to communicate. There are people out there who may be just as shy as you are and they are afraid to take the first step. So why don't you take on the first step. Chances are that if you screw up, you may not see that individual for the course of your stay at university (unless they are taking the same subject that you are, but even then, they may be one individual out of 200 other students studying that same topic).

A great friend once told me that if you want to make a new friend, find the 1 percent you're both interested in or share in common and give it your 100 percent. Now, you have the advantage to be on a course that often more than 100 students study, so you could use that as your first step in finding the 1 percent in someone. Your 1 percent may be sharing the same birthplace or town with someone and build from there; e.g. you're both from London, begin giving your 100 percent by talking about every little thing possible in London and the places you have visited. You could then go on talking about the area of London you grew up in and what schools you have attended; if you have met any famous person walking around Piccadilly Circus or if you have seen the Queen at Buckingham Palace. There are many ways you can build on that one simple interest.

If you're an introverted person and find it difficult to talk to people, you can begin your friendship making step by step. You may choose to ask for help from the person who is sat next to you. Then you can begin to slowly talk to them more often as you attend seminars and lectures. But you must remember that any type of great friendship takes time. If you have been at university for about three weeks or months, and you still haven't found any friends, you could take that time to build yourself, learning how to deal and cope with possible loneliness, stress and so on before you meet someone new, start pouring out your whole life story to them, and the following week they may turn out to be more different than you'd imagined or they may just not be interested.

Another trap many individuals fall into is that they rely on the friends they already know, staying stuck to them as it is the easier choice than to find someone new. Now, this is not a bad choice; however, if you joined university with the thought that you will meet new people, then you need to meet new people. Being stuck in the same friendship group ever since school may have had its time if you have met new people but still try to keep your current friends happy by not ignoring them and spending less time with your new friends. If you want a fresh start, you need to make the choice of moving on. But if you are happy with your friends that you have had since school and you can also make new friends together, then that is great also.

Overall, friendships take time. Whether you are in your first year at university or your third, great friends will come along as long as you're patient and understanding. The people you meet in your first year may not be the people you end with in your third year. The best way to begin your journey at university is to get involved and communicate. And for your own mental health, try avoiding drama and getting caught up in stressful situations as time at university can be stressful enough already taking in consideration the workload, assignments and exams. Never neglect your studies. And in every circumstance, give it your all.