A is not for Effort, But I Win Anyway

Imagine it: you're preparing for your final exam in English. It's a written essay like you've been doing all year. Except something is different: the entire exam is monitored on your computer. You're being filmed through your webcam, recorded on your microphone, and sharing your screen with whoever is watching.

Even though it sounds really creepy, and I could probably write a whole horror story about something like that, that's not what this one is about. This is about how totally badass I am at writing, and no one can tell me otherwise. Tonight I completed my first English exam as a new college student and totally rocked it even though everything was betting against me.

My school uses a program called Proctorio during exams for online classes. The purpose is to ensure that no one is cheating using the methods I listed above. The unfortunate part about my exam tonight was that the link to the article I needed didn't work during the exam. Luckily, I had received an email from my teacher explaining it wouldn't work.

The email also stated that the link was in the exam information provided for use on the school website and that we could read it beforehand to jot all of our notes down. However, the prompt wouldn't be revealed until we started the exam.

That's fine, except I didn't realize I wouldn't be allowed to access it at all. I thought I could go ahead and open the article and switch back and forth between screens, but I was wrong. You also probably guess I didn't take any notes because why would I take notes on something I didn't know the prompt for?

So I open the exam, test my camera and audio, and go to get started. Then I realize I can't back out of the program that's now taking up my entire screen. Then I also realize that anything I write will have to come entirely from my memory. I only read the article once.

What was it about, you ask? The rise of Artificial Intelligence and how new technological advances are being introduced into society would rewire how humans interact with other humans. I'll admit, the article was kind of fascinating, although I was totally bored the entire time I read it. I was also super tired from a long day sitting at the DMV, so I had to reread paragraphs to comprehend what they said.

As for our prompt, we had to pick one topic from the article and write an essay between four hundred and six hundred words about how it would positively or negatively affect the human population. Those topics included: love, friendship, teaching, and one other I can't remember. Anyone who knows me knows that I never run out of things to say about love.

And with my recent life interruptions, I had a lot I could come up with off the top of my head as to why everyone should invest in their very own battery operation partner (so to speak). So I started writing, and when I say I was nervous, I was really nervous. Could I write that many words on an article I only read once with tired eyes?

Could I remember enough about it to cite each paragraph? Can I create a working thesis? How will I come up with an outline to help this process go smoothly? Well, let me tell you that I answered all those questions.

Because I DID come up with an outline. I DID cite each paragraph. I DID write a totally badass thesis, and I DID make the word count. In fact, I surpassed the word count.

Will I pass the exam? Who knows. I could've totally ended up bombing it because of my misunderstanding of the email, and therefore, lack of preparation. But my professor can't tell me that it's not a damn good essay.

The fact that I literally pulled over eight-hundred words out of thin air with a kickass thesis and three main points WITH three supporting details for each is incredible. And I did it within less than the two-hour time frame. I don't even care what I make on the exam.

Update: I made a 93%, and the only reason I missed those 7 points was because of my works cited entry. I didn’t have the link written down, so I couldn’t put the link in the entry. I still can’t believe I made the grade I did, though.