99 Funniest jokes.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.

What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie? Sofishticated.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogey in it.

Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.

What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.

Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.

What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A woolly jumper.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with him.

How do you know if a joke is a dad joke? It becomes apparent.

What do you call a bear with no ears? B.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.

How do you organize a space party? You planet.

Why did the tomato turn green? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I'll go on ahead.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a skunk? A fowl smell.

Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.

What do you call a camel with three humps? Pregnant.

Why don't ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosting.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crummy.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybee.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.

What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it.

Why don't oysters donate to charity? They're shellfish.

What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A python.

What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

How do you organize a space party? You planet.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.

What do you call a bear with no ears? B.

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with him.

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.

How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A woolly jumper.

Why do elephants never use computers? They're afraid of mice.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.

What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hey, bud!

Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.

Why was the music teacher arrested? For fingering A minor.

How do you catch a runaway dog? Hide behind a tree and bark.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look, I'm about to change.

Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up the pants.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosting.

Why don't ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a skunk? A fowl smell.

Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.

Why did the tomato turn green? Because

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.

Why did the farmer feed his cows money? He wanted rich milk.

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybee.

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

Why do bicycles fall over? Because they're two-tired.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.

What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.

Why don't oysters donate to charity? They're shellfish.

What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

How do you organize a space party? You planet.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.