7 Classmates You Will Have at Law School

Law school.

Ah, those two words carry with them prestige, promise, and pay-off. Sometimes. As incoming law students we all felt that pride, telling our friends, our parents' friend and whoever asked and listened where we were headed after secondary school.

We loved seeing their reaction, their respect form in front of us. We loved to pretend like we already knew everything when in fact we had no clue what really awaited us for the next three to four years.

If you went to the UK for law school like I did, things might have been a wee bit different from the portrayal of law schools in US films such as Legally Blonde. In the UK, students finish their A-levels then usually proceed to do their LL.B in order to get that much coveted law degree. There are other alternative ways to become a lawyer but let us not get into that, eh?

In law school, you meet all sorts of people from all kinds of places and backgrounds. As a (slightly) mature foreign student from Germany not only was I able to observe the British-ness of most of my classmates, but I was able to notice quite well how my younger classmates behave in a setting without parental restraint.

So, without further ado, here are the 7 law school classmates you will meet during your studies:

1. The Quiet One

The Quiet One is the person who sits at the very back of the classroom with the hoody on and the laptop covering their face. No one really knows where this curious being is from, what they do after classes, how they get drunk on Thursdays and all throughout the weekend, what their insta-handles are or which part of the library they hang out in. More importantly, no one knows where they stand in the grade's pecking order. They are mystery embodied!

Once in a blue moon, the Quiet One will say something in Criminal Law or Equity and Trusts and because their voice is rarely heard, it is known to send ripples into the space-time continuum, causing shock, pandemonium and the occasional diarrhea. It is a precious moment to behold. You would want to write something down in your diaries about it.

The Quiet One is hardly an emo. They are chillaxed sentient beings with an almost Rastafarian view of the world. They make good friends and excellent drinking buddies because they know all the good bars, pubs, and shisha places. That is if you actually manage to catch them after classes because the Quiet One is as quick as a fox to leave law school premises to head to secret places we will never ever know.

2. The Rich/Posh/Spoiled Princess

Ah yes. This one. She is basically Regina from Mean Girls. She is Cher from Clueless. But she is NOT Elle from Legally Blonde.

The Princess went to private schools, had private tutors, took ballet and horse-riding lessons, goes to Nice and Monaco for her summer vacation and to St. Moritz for her skiing holidays. She walks into the classroom with her tick-tocking Ferragamo boots, Tory and Burch bag and Alaïa coat, talking about how Daddy already earmarked a position for her as an associate at his firm and how Daddy used to be an alumni of the university, thus making you aware that her family has some sort of influence. Not that you care.

At times a Princess can be smart and she might surprise you with her bright and succinct summary of what exactly is wrong with the death penalty. However, the Princesses that I have been classmates with just usually talked their way into having good or OK grades. In class, they would always raise their hands, seemingly prepared to give some sort of wise insight but ultimately disappointing the rest of her audience by offering comments such as: "I do not understand why we even have to learn about unregistered properties in the UK. Isn't everything registered anyway? Weren't we bombed by the Germans and didn't we have to build everything up again?" Errrm, okay. Obviously, even Daddy's money cannot get into Oxford.

In the UK, a Princess almost always has a very posh accent, making you feel like a filthy commoner from the dirty streets of Victorian London. I am thinking that in an American context, a Princess will have a Valley Girl accent? I am just assuming and totally thinking about Veronica from Riverdale. Oh so many pop culture refs!

3. The Smart One

The Smart One is a complex one. There are sub-groups to this one and each sub-group is unique. So, let me break it down for ya.

The first sub-group is the Geeks. They are dedicated to the law. They eat, breathe and drink the law. They are likely to become professors and TV pundits for CNN, BBC or SkyNews. Furthermore, they especially love constitutional law for some reason and will find any reason to debate about issues such as freedom of speech, censorship, human rights, the legality of plea deals. They are a pleasant bunch and a good source of legal knowledge if you ever feel like not opening a book or googling legal principles like, I don't know, aequitas legem sequitur. They can be very shy, so at the very least, treat them for a pint and get them to talking about whether Empire Strikes Back is better than Return of the Jedi. You will be surprised by the complexities of the Star Wars universe. Am I stereotyping? Absolutely!

The second sub-group is the Nerds. They are the even more bookish versions of the Geeks. They usually do not debate you in class or raise their hands in order to shut down the professor's take on Brexit or America's Second Amendment like the Geeks might do. They will, however, get perfect exam scores, write dissertations that should really be published as books by OUP and put professors to shame in their complaint emails because said prof gave them a 99 instead of a 100. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do! Usually they become professors themselves but will only begrudgingly do the teaching part. They favour the publishing part of academia and rightfully so. Interacting with other humans is way too much work!

The last sub-group is the Smart-Asses. There is no question these folks are smart. There is no question as well that these will be the bunch who will give lawyers a continuously bad reputation, ergo asses. These people are the ones who will be working with big firms, representing the most dubious of giant clients such as insurance, tobacco, alcohol, and the sugar companies or lobbies. But let me backtrack...

In law school they are the ones who love to dress up preppily or lawyery already. They are proudly arrogant about their legal skills and, like the Princess, will mostly have been given a position already in daddy's law firm. The Smart-Ass will usually mock you for your opinions in class, thinking theirs is the only valid opinion or argument. Mostly, they band with other Smart-Asses, forming a clique I would like to call A Pile of Shite. The only way to shut down a Smart-Ass is to channel your distant inner Smart-Ass. Be as cocky, arrogant, self-entitled and self-important as you can in order to get to their level. Only then will you have an even fight. Please be advised, however, to take a long hot shower and to use lye to scrub all the shite off of you afterwards.

4. The Panicky One

Also known as the Nervous One. The One with Anxiety. The One with an Irrational Fear to Fail. The One Who At Some Point Will Break Down And Cry After A Long Session Of Studying Civil Procedure.

Creatures belonging to this group are, in reality, very nice. Despite the nervous energy, the Panicky One makes for an excellent study buddy. They remember all the important dates and deadlines. You will never need your fancy phone calendar or old school filofax anymore. The Panicky One usually comes from a family where the expectation to excel is unusually high. In most cases, this will be either an Asian or African family. Why do I know this? My mom is Asian. I am an only child. Perfect recipe for Pressured Daughter (see, what I did there? Oh never mind!). I have mellowed significantly in recent years now that I am out of academia.

Be ready to comfort and calm down the Panicky One ever so often. Their nerves are mostly on overload and tears are the only way to relieve the pressure build-up. Give them some wine or de-caf coffee and tell them that a 2:1 degree is not bad (because it really is not) and they should get more than 4 hours of sleep because seeing Rihanna and Elvis Presley in the library is definitely a bad sign of excessive sleep deprivation.

5. The Hater

The Hater is just that. He hates everything: the chairs, the lecture hall, the books, the look of the white board, the subjects, the lecturer, the tutor's last name, the lasagna at the cafeteria, the rain, the sun, the law fair and the law itself. Most Haters I have met were male, so will stick with "he" for this one.

The Hater makes you wonder why he even cares to come out into the world at all. There is a lot of anger and angst in the Hater. It seems that, for him, everything is crap. Whenever the Hater raises his hand to say something in class, you can 99.99% be sure that it is something contrary to what someone had just said a second ago. If someone says the sky is blue, the Hater will argue that it is actually pink. If someone says that feminism is a necessary movement, the Hater will say it isn't even though the day before he (or she) said feminism is the saving grace of the 21st century whilst wearing a "The Future is Female" shirt.

No one and nothing can satisfy the Hater. He usually runs a blog or YouTube channel that exclusively criticises everything from Anderson Cooper's haircut to EU Competition Law. If you try or dare to talk to the Hater, being the social entity that you are, you will find it hard to break the ice or get into the same wave length.

Once you find a subject you both (dis)agree on, however, it is interesting to see and hear that the Hater is actually very smart. Exceptionally smart. The conversation can be very fluid and you will be able to learn a lot. The only problem that may arise is when you reach a certain point where you have to disagree with the Hater. There will be a slight shift in the vibe and soon enough you are shut out from the Hater's world. You can think to yourself: "Hey, I gave it a shot and I learned a lot today about the post-modern view of euthanasia!"

6. The Mature One

OK, that picture is an exaggeration but the lady is so cute!

The Mature One is never as old as the lady in the wonderful picture. The Mature is at the very least 10-15 years older than the rest. I found that the Mature One mostly tends to be a woman, so will stick with female pronouns from here on out.

The Mature One is basically Superwoman-Feminist-Mother Teresa rolled into one glorious being. The Mature Ones I have met in law school have raised an average of 2 kids who were all gorgeous, excelling in school, and playing tennis or swimming for the local sports team. In most cases, the Mature One has had a long-standing, non-legal career in something interesting. She will have left said career because as a wonderful and loving woman who put her family first in the past, she is now breaking through and pursuing a lifelong dream of being a lawyer.

The Mature One always, always has wise words for difficult moments. She manages to calm down the Panicky One and everyone else with words of wisdom that no one can come up with whilst in the throes of studying for Torts. She has a warmth that makes going into a cold lecture hall a bit better. She sometimes brings snacks that she made with her kids on Christmas Eve. She also tells tales of her hard-working husband who, surprise surprise, looks like Mr. Big from Sex and the City.

Do not be fooled though! The Mature One is a tough debater and a formidable mooting opponent. She has more common sense than the Smart-Asses will ever be able to gather in their preppy sweaters.

The Mature One has jokes and life experience that will leave even the smartest of Company Law lecturers speechless. Befriend the Mature One! You will want her on your team. At the very least, you will get chocolate chip cookies.

7. The Suck-Up

Also respectfully known as The Teacher's Pet.

If there is anyone even more annoying and irritating than the Smart-Ass, it will have to be the Suck-Up.

In the pursuit of constant validation from all the people with authority within the law school, the Suck-Up is willing to be the most disliked person in any setting. Ever. The Suck-Ups I have encountered in my time covered their bases pretty well. They would do extra papers, answer all questions during lectures and tutorials, write a review for a book some professor wrote, help a tutor carry her million and one things to her office, buy the lecturer coffee, and even have a pint with an assistant lecturer at some posh pub in town. They also tend to complement the tutor's physical appearance which causes this weird commotion where everybody else in the room just attempts to collectively stop themselves from vomiting. It is quite an amusing thing to behold if you are vaccinated and immune against Suck-Ups.

The Suck-Up will typically ALWAYS take the side of the professor even though said professor has a rather controversial opinion on small claims in personal injury because he is secretly advising insurance companies on all things personal injury law. The professor could be a drug pusher for Pablo Escobar and the Suck-Up will suddenly argue for non-custodial sentences for drug offences or no punishment at all whilst we are at it. The Suck-Up can easily become a Sell-Out because their nature is to please those with power.

In law school, they are the ones who will always ask a question 2 minutes before the lecture is supposed to end just to impress the professor. In tutorials, The Suck-Up will always engage in an overly-enthusiastic discussion, nay conversation, with the tutor as if they are just meeting up for some lattes and scones, leaving everyone else wondering why they even bothered to show up to this seemingly two-party soirée.

Do not confide in the Suck-Up about any law-school grudges. Your secrets are not safe. If you feel, however, like you need some brownie points with profs and tutors, make your enquiries with the Suck-Up. They will know their favourite smoothies, coffee flavours, and deli sandwiches. Just check yourself and do not become another Suck-Up. It is a slippery slope.

So there you go! A quick run-down of your potential law school classmates. There are so many more personalities that you will meet at law school. Make sure to enjoy the experience, study hard, and party harder. Ok, not too hard!