10 Uniquely Dreadful Humans of College

Disclaimer: This is meant to be completely satirical—I'm a college student and this is more of a comedic take on some of the people I've encountered so far. Enjoy!

1. The Confused Clothes-Wearer

These are the people who never really learned how to do laundry, or don't believe they have enough time to run a load. These symptoms tend to go with an inability to wash dishes. Having some difficulty with clothing stains, piling laundry during midterm season, or maybe accidentally throwing a red sock in with the white linens is understandable—but these people completely give up by default, and just pay a service to do their laundry. Dryer balls? Never heard of her. Oxiclean? Who is that?

2. The Fake Activist

This is the type of person that protests plastic straws at the local diner, posts it on some form of social media or group chat, then throws away their dozens of used plastic water bottles instead of at least recycling. Everyone knows the type, even outside of college—enough said here.

3. "Oh that's your major? I read an article about that once, let me proceed to tell you how I know more about it than you!"

You get bonus points for encountering this person in the wild if you're a girl and the person in question is a guy. In such a case, it is most commonly known as "mansplaining," and it never gets any less frustrating or infuriating. I'm deeply sorry.

4. The dude in your 9 AM lecture chugging Tequila

This guy is pure chaotic neutral energy. You never know if he's going through a really hard time or a really good time. Truth be told, he probably doesn't know either, and you're not fond of the fumes he's spreading in the room. The professor also likes to give this person major side-eye.

5. Statistics Professors

Okay don't get me wrong here, the statistics professors I've encountered thus far (read: more than two) are absolutely wonderful people, always kind and humorous. But there really must be something in the water that statistics professors drink that causes them to enjoy explaining the content in the most difficult way possible, watching students struggle without letting them realize that there is a much easier explanation using layman's terms. I think they somewhat misinterpret the role of 'teacher.' Also a commonly cited complaint: not including content taught in class on the exam to "test your knowledge."

6. "Hey, can you share the notes? I skipped last class..."

Look, man, chances are that I wasn't here last class either. But if I were, I'd probably begrudgingly give you the notes, because I would feel like a bad person for saying no. Trust me though. I'm saying no in my head.

7. The group living above you who insist on raging at 3 AM on a Tuesday

Guys, I really appreciate the hype. Like, really appreciate it. But I'd appreciate it much more if this hype was at maybe three PM on a Saturday instead? Perhaps with inside voices and headphones? Not your three new sub-woofers?

9. Any Freshman pledging to Greek life

Once college students are actually in a fraternity or sorority, they seem (for the most part) pretty chill when they're outside of their Grecian abode. Anyone pledging to Greek life wants you to know about it though. They talk and post about it so unavoidably intense that you feel like you're pledging too. The hard thing about it though, is that if you have absolutely minimal to no interest in going Greek, it's like listening to someone speak a different language (perhaps Greek—pun fully intended). There's no shame in being excited about something and wanting to share, but is this an unwritten rule of pledging? Sincerely, a non-Greek student who just doesn't get it.

10. The students who actually have their lives together

Look, if you happen to fall in this category, you're not dreadful. You're just lumped into being dreadful out of envy. Every college student aspires and craves to be you. Be proud of it.