To The Shark

She’s insecure, she’s scared, too timid to go on. A figure shrouded in a dark halo of serene deep blue, the depths of the ocean contained in one loney aura. She can feel the weight of it, pushing and pulling like a seductive tide, rocking her to sleep, jolting her awake when its cold fingers claw its way into her throat. She wants to understand it, to control it, but its crushing pressure that has no physical mass is too complex, too wild to own.

That magnificent creature she saw, gliding and soaring through the waves of her mind is back, circling the border of her subconscious in a hazy glow of dark purple, like it's perhaps waiting for her to do something, or to ask it something, begging almost. Its eyes, a deep black colour, look like holes that bore right through its face, or like a portal to a different world.

Many would see those eyes and describe them as dead or merciless, but she knows that this beautiful being before her simply conceals its knowledge and love behind a door that it opens to those it can trust. It has been hurt before, and it doesn’t understand why.

It has been with her forever, whether in her heart, her soul, or her mind, this spirit has protected her and shown her how to love her vulnerabilities, and its quiet strength is the one thing holding her from drowning and falling asleep in the depths of her own mind. She fears it: though it has done nothing but love her and silently guard her from harm, she is hesitant to let it in the threshold of her powerful and immense psyche.

Does that guarded stare full of secrets threaten harm?

Does that sleek and strong body want to pull her under the waves and tear her to pieces where her screams can’t be heard?

Most of all though, she is scared to let it in because of herself: what would she do with all that grace and beauty swimming by her side? What if she found a way to harness and enslave this embodiment of freedom and have it at her beck and call?

She could destroy, she could decimate.

The restless creature before her turned a corner of her mind, sharp tails fins disappearing behind her indestructible wall of shadow and hurt she had built to lock away her true and dangerous potential.

'No!' She screamed at it, thrashing against the bonds she had tied herself with in her own mind that prevented her from going to that awful place. 'Please don’t go there!'

It stopped, ever so slowly turning with its muscular, liquid body to gaze at her with those impenetrable eyes, imploring but knowing at the same time. The ocean that shrouded her, protected her, bound her, became cold in the presence of the violent truth she had hidden, and the crippling pressure released for one brief second, waves parting to allow her to take a deep, gasping breath before being submerged again. But now there was no pain, no pressure: only a heavy, serene blanket of understanding that begged for the truth, begged for her to free herself.

'What do you want?' She cried to the shark, taking a hesitant step towards it, extending a pale and shaking hand, beseeching for forgiveness and understanding.

‘You are strong’ a voice, smooth but majestic that echoed like a voice crying out through a long tunnel spoke, yet the shark’s wide mouth never opened. The sound bordered between an underwater mirage or a breath on a mirror, and something that was real, suspended in a delicate timeline that had no rules, no limits. 'Ask me, please', it said, and the shark glided closer, so close that she could see the pale glint in those obsidian eyes, so close that the purple mist that surrounded it gently touched the heavy dark blue of her aura, and the two collided like lovers or a pair in combat.

In a millionth of a second, she knew what she needed to ask, and she knew that this magisterial being was truly here to help, and it meant no harm to either of them.

'Come in.'

Had she spoken? She never recalled speaking, but the words sounded true, pure and clear. It was the right thing to do. 'Break that wall, destroy it', the shark’s otherworldly voice chanted, standing strong beside her.

She now saw it all: it had been hurt, greatly, unimaginably, like her, and it had risen above the pain to survive and push her forward outside of her safe mind.

'Wake up! You need to wake up, Mako!'

She stood there, floating on the edge of reality: if she looked down, she could see fathomless deep blue that faded to an unforgiving black that promised an end and peace, and if she looked up...for the first time in months, she could see yellow green rays of light penetrating the seemingly opaque blue of her mind, beams stretching out helping hands to save her and pull her out of her protected world.

'I don’t want to go there', she sobbed, not knowing when the tears had started, clear and salty like frozen crystals on her face as she tilted her pale face to the surface that glimmered- so close it looked like she could graze it with her fingertips, and so far it looked like no matter how high she climbed, it would always get higher. She turned her head sideways to admire the beautiful spirit beside her, full of pain, vulnerability, malice and restless ambition, but glowing with success, triumph, and a higher knowledge. She made a decision.

I will do it.

And she did: her body transformed into something sleek, powerful, and royal, and she crashed through that barrier like it hadn’t even existed in the first place. She opened her tooth filled maw in a scream of triumph as it exploded into misty residue, before dissolving into the ocean around it.

She faced it.

The pain blazed and the anger burned and caught fire, but she was an ocean now, and her waves drowned out the flames in its overwhelming power. All that stood in the way between her and reality was crushed by the pressure of her mind, and now she owned it- it was her mind.

Suddenly, all of it was gone, the ocean, the cold, and the shark, and she lay completely still in a white sheeted bed, listening to the beeping sound of a monitor.

She was free, she had made it!

A blurry face streaked with tears floated above her, and Mako started crying with pure and bittersweet happiness as the face came into focus.

“Mom?”

-Olivia Gyuran, 14 years old