The Season of the Spider is my Reason to Move to Antarctica

Trigger warning: This article is about spiders! Arachnophobia is one of the most common phobias in the world, but if this is something you are currently struggling with please don’t read any further...

I dread September not because it means I have to go back to school- I left over 20 years ago now.

It’s that time of the year I find truly terrifying… no not because Halloween is fast approaching either.

It's the season of the horny spiders!

Seriously, come September (quite literally) in YOUR household hundreds of spiders will get the urge to mate and produce well more spiders! YAY!

Here’s a fun fact from Best Insect House:

There are about 40,000 types of spiders in the world living on every continent except Antarctica.

Vacation in Antarctica anyone?

Best Insect House also pointed out...

On average there will be around a million spiders in one acre of land and you are pretty much always in touching distance of a spider.

Cheers for that!

There is some good news. The chances of you eating spiders in your sleep is low, very low. Almost non-existent, however the FDA like to point out that you properly have eaten spiders during your lifetime and other insects as it’s not uncommon for them to fall or crawl through food production 😲

All good protein I suppose.

Now, I’m not a fan of spiders, but over the years I have got over my urge to mass murder them and even learned to unpeacefully co-exist with them.

Although I wouldn’t say we have a perfect relationship- especially when you get comfy in bed only to look up and see a 4–6 cm beast dangling above your head!

The fact that all spiders are pretty much in the same trade — web design is awesome.

I have to say they are pretty amazing architects or 'arachnotects'. Let’s not forget they are also the biggest producer of silk. Rather productive little f**kers aren’t they?

The journey to find a mate

Just like most males, the primary focus of a bloke spider is to mate.

As it turns out this is a rather risky journey.

Like me, most spiders are naturally solitary creatures preferring to socially distance themselves from others.

They also tend to spread themselves out over a wide area - also like me. Therefore finding a female can be rather tricky.

They need to leave the comfort of their hideaway — exposing themselves, not indecently, but I mean wander out into the big wide house where they risk being seen, eaten, or stamped on.

On their journey, the bloke spider has to avoid many obstacles such as pets, children, and heavy books.

If he survives all this then it is likely he may have to fight other house spiders in the quest to find a female.

Once he finds a suitable mate his next job is to impress her. This is simple he just needs not to be killed in the process!

The females are lazy and prefer the bloke spiders to come to them! I am glad about this as I only see half the spiders I share my house with.

If all the female spiders in the house decided to show themselves I would either move house or invest in a flame thrower.

Finally, the male has to signal to the female that he is not a fly, but of course the same species.

After he has exceeded in his mission and mated you know what happens next?

If he doesn't get away quick enough the female spider f**king eats him!

Why do so many people globally dislike spiders?

Over 6% of the world's population has a severe fear of spiders! Except, in countries where spiders are considered a delicacy.

That makes sense if you live in a country that considers spiders' food and not the enemy.

Where does this fear come from, and why do so many people suffer from it?

This fear stems from our cavemen days, If bitten by a spider we get sick and die.

Spiders are bad and this knowledge gets passed on down through the ages, Social media and even movies don’t help as they tend to promote spiders as the bad guy.

Don't judge a beast by the number of legs it has - Spiders are really the good guys!

Spiders play a vital role in the ecosystem, Keeping the populations of insects, such as flies that can carry diseases down.

They are great for food production too eating the bugs that often destroy crops and threaten whole harvests.

They are the world's natural pesticide that has the added value of providing birds (and our gross pets) with tasty nutritious snacks.

Spiders are incredibly shy causing no bother and trying their best to stay out of your way.

Apart from the mating season when they risk leaving their hiding places to mate.

Doing their housekeeping role by getting rid of bugs. How do we repay them for their hard work? We make them homeless or squash them.

Keeping spiders at bay

If you do want to keep our eight-legged roommates at bay try scents such as eucalyptus or get some conkers!

Conkers contain a substance known as saponin that spiders are suppose to hate.

As far as I am aware none of these have actually been scientifically proven to work, but if it makes you feel safer on a psychological level just go for it!

If you see a spider climbing on your conkers just don’t blame me.

So, the key takeaway here is next time you see a spider just let it pass. It doesn’t want to hurt you it just wants a mate!