Snakes and Ladders, Spiders and Webs

One of the creators I follow on Vocal, Andrea Corwin, wrote a poem for World Snake Day on July 16. I commented that I respect their role in ecological balance, but I still don't like them. For good measure, I added that I have spiders.

This wasn’t the first time I had echoed my feelings about snakes and spiders. I wrote a story last month about an island called Snake Island. This island receives no visitors because of the many golden lancehead vipers. These snakes are among the deadliest in the world.

Andrea’s response to me, while logical and innocent, stopped me in my tracks. “Why,” she asked. Good question, I thought. You have to have a reason; otherwise, it's a bit like a child’s response to something they don’t want to do: "'coz!"

So, let's start with snakes. I live in Australia. That weird country at the bottom of the world, or as most Australians like to see it, the top of the world. It is a unique country, well known for its flora and fauna. This happened because the country has been isolated for a long time. It has followed unique evolutionary patterns.

Of the 210 known species of snakes in Australia, about 100 (over 50%) are venomous. Only about 12 species can deliver a venomous bite that may be fatal to humans, experts say. It has about 7 of the top 10 most venomous land snakes. This includes the Inland Taipan, the world's most venomous snake, and the Eastern Brown Snake.

Little comfort. I am not going to walk around with a key to which snake is which. When I see a snake, I panic. It’s a fight-or-flight response. I either run or think about how I fight it (read: kill it!). Let me give you examples.

When I was in my teens, I spent a lot of time fishing and exploring the river about two miles from our house. Rivers and grasslands are well-known territories for Eastern brown snakes. On at least two occasions that I can remember, I came across one of these. They are neither shy nor friendly; in fact, they chase you.

I didn’t stop to ask if they were actually chasing me or just trying to escape in the same direction. When you have a 3- to 4-foot venomous snake coming toward you, you run as fast as you can and don’t look back. I have also been chased by tiger snakes. They aren’t as venomous as brown snakes. However, their venom is about 20 times as strong as a rattlesnake's.

Also, when I was in my teens, I had just been for a ride on my bike. I swung into the carport and got off my bike. Looking down, about six inches from my foot was a 2-foot copperhead. It was already hissing (i.e., I am about to bite you). I moved back slowly, edging away.

Next stop, the shed, and with axe in hand and a whole lot of bravado, let’s just say he didn’t see the sun rise. Too close for comfort in my book.

Snakes, I understand, in the bush? I am in your territory, and you have a right to live as you do. As long as you stay there, we will get along just fine, but do not come to my house expecting a red carpet. I still hate you because my encounters have not been pleasurable.

Spiders, same sort of deal. Australia has roughly 2,000 spider species, and nearly all are venomous. Only a few spiders are dangerous to humans. The most notable are the Sydney funnel-web spider and the redback spider. I have encountered both of these at regular intervals, along with the huntsman spider. Huntsman spiders rarely bite, and if they do, they are not fatal. They just make you very sick. That is a relief!

Where I live, I regularly have to spray twice a year for redback and funnel-web spiders. They make their webs in the fencing and around the house. Not as deadly as the Sydney funnel-web, they are still rated as highly venomous. You can pick the redbacks because their webs are usually within a meter of the ground and are very untidy.

People will say they are not doing any harm. That may be true, but I love my two little dogs a whole lot more than the spiders, and if they are there, there is the potential. Three things about spiders are, one minute they are there, and the next minute they are gone.

I also put on gardening gloves when I am outdoors in the garden. I felt a tickling sensation on my hand on one occasion. I took my glove off, shook it, and out dropped a redback.

I also remember, on a camping trip, getting up in the morning and seeing a huntsman spider on the roof of the tent. They can get as big as your hand. This one was not that big. As I got dressed, I took my eye off it for a minute, and it was gone.

As I walked out of the tent, I felt a tingly sensation up my leg. Putting two and two together, I got my jeans off quicker than the last time I’d been offered sex. The spider slowly crept out of one of the trouser legs.

So, in answer to Andrea’s question, yes, spiders and snakes do a lot of good in the wild. That is where they should stay. So, if they stay there and leave me alone, we will get on just fine. I still don’t like it, and I didn’t crack the champagne open for National Day of the Snake.

Till next time,

Calvin