Seasonal Depression

Seasons are changing this time of the year is hard for many people like myself dealing with severe depression. For two years I didn't have to deal with this problem changing of seasons. I was living in Ghana I've always been able to avoid the seasonal blues. Which is easy when you're less than 20-30 minutes from a beach or a body of water where you can sit and watch the waves.

Being back in the United States around this time is making me more than nervous. I am also alone, my daughter moved out of this apartment some time ago and I was able to maintain it for a while. Now I'm struggling and possibly going to be living in a homeless shelter or on the streets.

I had hundreds of friends, people would text, call or check on me. This stopped when I left the country years ago. Now the only people who contact me live in either Ghana or Kenya. I am so lost here,

I have to walk every where and when I can't walk I just go without because of health reasons I can only walk so far. On my walks I see all the beauty around me, the seasonal beauty though that will soon be gone. What will I do?

I've tried to figure things out, make a plan for the days but not being sure of my living situation makes me more upset. My mental health is declining as September comes to an end, anxiety is all the greets me these days. I try to work on completing one thing a day but without sunlight, warmth and being so lonely I don't know what this upcoming season will bring me.

Things have always looked like this living with severe depression that is worsen by short, cold long nights. I've always had a hard time during these months, moving abroad helped at least eliminate that one issue. Even being alone in a foreign country wasn't so bad as being alone in my home country with my family so close yet so far. No one calls me, not one of them!

My daughter stopped by unexpected and I couldn't stop hugging and crying on her. She didn't even hug back and begged me to stop, this is my life now and I'm not even that old. What can one do with this life situation? I surely have prayed and begged God to take away the pain of loneliness.

The beauty of the summer will quickly fade away. Sunlight, warmth, long strolls that don't make rhyme or reason just calming. To sunless, cold, bitter and lonely nights. Nights where I'm not even sure I'll have a roof over my head to protect me from the harsh months ahead.

I feel for the elderly, the ones who have no one at all. I know now how they most feel, I am one of the unwanted now. I haven't even made it to my 50's yet and I am a relic, locked away and forgotten. I can't even take beautiful, bright photos to cheer me up!