Great Writing Improves By Listening, And I Mean Really Listening

The only issue I found with Ernest Hemingway’s wisdom is that the speaker often can’t assess the mood of the listener.

During a recent conversation, I was listening intently to a friend and because I let her talk and didn’t interrupt, she thought I wasn’t paying attention, she said “most people don’t listen, they’re just waiting for their turn to speak.”

That comment was the turning point in our relationship. I suppose exaggerating the non-verbal signals I gave may have helped, but that never seems natural.

Experience has shown me that the only way I can judge another person’s motivation, or indeed their ‘Agenda’ is to really listen to what they’re saying. Too often we’re guilty of hearing what we want to hear — that’s a quick route to disappointment if ever there was one.

How could anyone understand the mind of a narcissist for example, or a pathological liar? We have to be on our guard — few of us are psychologists.

This friend has led a difficult life and it’s made her very bitter — however, it has provided me with endless material to work with! After a while, it became obvious to me that she was the engineer and designer of her own unhappiness.

So, was it a mutually receptive friendship? I would say ‘yes’ but she only listened to me to find fault and disagree with almost everything I said. (It’s been character building — I’ll say that for our relationship). Amusing too — especially when she corrected me after I said “Graham and I” — the correct grammar is “me and Graham!” S he insisted.

“Oh, that’s interesting” I replied “the Queen always says ‘My husband and I’ perhaps the Queen can’t speak the Queen’s English properly”.

I’m sure many writers have had similar exchanges about the English they use — writers have to be descriptive and interesting, not boringly correct all the time.

The Royal Beekeeper

Which brings me nicely to an article I read this week, where the Royal Beekeeper at Buckingham Palace told the bees of her Majesty’s passing. This is traditional for beekeepers.

Do the bees understand? Possibly.

Earlier this summer I was working in the garden, a honeybee wouldn’t leave me alone. ‘Buzz off’ I said, but she insisted she had a message for me. So I climbed into my bee-suit and zipped up. When I got to the hive it had been invaded by wasps and the bees were stressed and anxious — many of us know that feeling without getting harassed by wasps!

Not my favourite job, dealing with invaders, luckily the wasps had gorged on honey and were sleepy and docile, so I squished as many as possible. Bit cruel I know, but honeybees have a better reputation in today’s world.

Sometimes, I find myself transported back to the Radio Years. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love YouTube. Often though, I find the visual choreography doesn’t enhance my enjoyment of an artist, or a great piece of writing.

Undistracted by physical movements and facial expressions, I find myself taken back to the ‘Radio Years’ where feelings are assessed by tone and use of descriptive language.

Also, listening rather than watching is an easier way to fall asleep, not a problem for some, but a real problem for others.

The internet has some great meditation podcasts with lovely relaxing music - very theraputic and calming. It got me through the worst times of the Pandemic.

Thank you for reading to …. The End