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EGAMORF THE ALIEN VISITS EARTH IN SEARCH OF CHEESE

Chapter One.

By Max Burns-McRuviePublished 2 years ago 11 min read
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"A meal without cheese is meaningless" Said Egamorf the Alien

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. But if your entire planet suddenly runs out of cheese, you can hardly suffer in silence.

This is the story of a young yellow alien named Egamorf who knew he could either get busy screaming or get busy searching when the thing he loved most in the universe could no longer be found on his home planet of Bree.

It all started when Egamorf was just about two turn twelve years old. Of course the planet Bree had the arduous task of orbiting three different suns before anyone could celebrate their birthday, so Egamorf was already quite mature for his age. Or so he liked to think.

Like all Breelings, Egamorf was born with a skin colour that was completely different to the rest of his family. Meaningless in all other ways, a Breeling’s skin colour at birth largely determined what their favourite type of food would be for the rest of their life.

Egamorf’s little brother, being born a shade of dark blue, was overwhelmingly fond of Breeberries, which like the sandy dunes that covered the planet of Bree itself, were coloured in a rich royal blue.

His father, a man of a pastel pink complexion, had eaten the same type of sandwich for lunch every day for as long as he could remember. It was a spam sandwich, made in such a way that the sandwich bread was substituted for two more slices of spam with a thick layer of mustard in between.

While Egamorf’s mother, a lady of deep forest green, was simply mad about kale and never strayed too far from a salad.

Being an active and adventurous extra-terrestrial, young Egamorf had a big appetite for life and even bigger appetite for food.

Of all the yellowish foods in the universe, Egamorf’s absolute obsession lay with cheese.

If his parents didn’t ensure that he had some variation in his diet, cheese would be Egamorf’s choice for breakfast, lunch, dinner, desert and every snack in between. He simply couldn’t get enough of it.

On the morning of his twelfth birthday there was only one thing that he looked forward to above all else. It wasn’t the small party of family and friends that his parents had kindly arranged for the day. Nor was it any of the inedible presents that he was due to receive.

The only thing Egamorf really looking forward to was the cake. And as you can imagine, this cake was not to be made with chocolate or fruit. He had asked for the cheesiest cheesecake that the planet Bree could provide.

So it was that after the party games were played and the presents were opened, it was finally the moment Egamorf had been waiting for — he could see his cake coming through the door and the traditional Breeling birthday song was beginning to be sung.

It was only after Egamorf had closed his eyes, blown out his candles and made yet another cheese related wish that the true horror of his day set it. For there before him, sliced and sitting on a plate, was nothing more than the carrotiest looking piece carrot cake that the young yellow alien had ever seen.

Egamorf didn’t know whether to cry or scream. Neither would have come close to the anguish he felt inside. But being his birthday, and knowing there was nothing worse than acting like an entitled alien on planet Bree, he simply thanked his family and friends for coming to his party and scooped the cheese-less treat into his mouth.

As heartbreaking as it was for Egamorf’s parents to explain to their birthday boy once the party was over, no matter how many shops and supermarkets they had visited in search of cheese or cheesecakes, it seemed that planet Bree had completely run out of his favourite food without warning.

Egamorf couldn’t believe this was possible. Who had ever heard of somewhere running out of cheese?

But over the following days he would soon learn the sad truth. A hostile invasion of a distant cheese-making solar system had caused a galactic supply-chain breakdown of the thing he loved most. The cargo ships that had always supplied planet Bree with cheese were now a thing of the past.

To make matters worse, Egamorf also learnt that eons had passed since anyone on the planet Bree actually made cheese for themselves. In fact, the entire population had become so reliant on importing almost all food types from other star-systems, that not a single Breeling could even remember how cheese was produced or where it came from.

As crazy as it sounded, if Egamorf was ever going to enjoy his beloved food again, he realised he would have to take measures into his own hands. He would have to venture deep into space to find a new source of cheese.

But space travel wasn’t easy from the planet Bree. Spaceships were rare and very expensive. And the cost of fuel seemed to be rising higher every day.

If Egamorf were to embark on such an unusual mission, he knew he would need to gain a great deal of public support to help sponsor his idea.

With no time to waste, the ambitious alien got to work.

To get things off the ground, he asked his parents to help set up him a Go-Fly me campaign, which he had heard was one of the few ways to gain funding for crazy space travel ideas on his planet.

His next step was to upload a series of home-made dance videos on a social media platform under the name “Cheesy as can Bree”

These included the clips “Macaroni Macarena” and “Fondu Number Five” which Egamorf’s dance teacher helped him to choreograph.

Within a week of the videos being published, a groundswell of followers supporting Egamorf’s cause had begun to emerge.

But it was when only Egamorf remixed a classic music video with a clip of his adorable little brother dancing and singing:

“I’m blue,

Without cheese I will die

Without cheese I will die

Without cheese I will die”

…that a surge of viral video attention started to flow his way.

As donations to his Go-Fly me campaign started to roll in of the back of his cheese-driven social media posts, Egamorf’s public support was starting to turn some heads.

His next big break came when he received an unexpected invitation to appear on a live morning talk-show with Bree TV.

Asked at the end of the short segment why he would be willing to venture so far into space in search of a slice, Egamorf drew universal admiration from everyone watching when he answered with a cool but determined tone:

“Because a meal without cheese is meaningless”

The public TV exposure had worked its strange magic with the masses. Almost overnight an equally devoted horde of cheese fanatics on Bree seemed to come out of the woodwork and champion his cause.

Then, in a dramatic escalation of his campaign, the richest alien on Bree, a mysterious figure named Elan, admitted that his unusually pale complexion at birth had driven him into a life-long fascination with Feta. So much so, that he was willing to do whatever he could to support Egamorf’s space mission and help restore the planet’s supply.

While many on Bree speculated whether Elan had in fact been born on their planet at all, he soon backed up his pledge by donating his very own light-speed breaking spaceship to facilitate Egamorf’s brave journey into the cosmos.

Faced with little choice but to let their heroic yellow son embark on this incredible quest, the day came when Egamorf’s parents proudly joined the many thousands of Breelings who watched the twelve-year old’s successful rocket-launch into sky above.

Now it was all up to him.

Once safely in space, Egamorf turned on his spaceship’s Galactic Positioning System (GPS) and set his course to a large red planet in his own solar system that was known to have a small green moon called Europi.

While this moon was uninhabited, ancient folklore on Bree had long led Breelings to believe that this moon was in fact made entirely out of a special type of cheese. Despite scientific doubts to the contrary, it seemed to be well worth a look.

Upon landing his spaceship on Europi, Egamorf couldn’t believe his eyes. While there was not a scrap of cheese in sight, he discovered that the surface of this mysterious moon was covered completely with thick green fields of grass instead.

Relaying his findings about the moon’s grassy appearance, Egamorf continued his mission further and further into the darkness of space.

But no matter how many planets he passed, comets he trailed or asteroids he avoided, his relentless quest for cheese did not produce even a single piece of parmesan.

Then one day, after passing through a black hole on the outer rim of a red dwarf, Egamorf saw an enormous flashing sign fixed to a grey piece of space rock that read:

“THE BEST CHEESEBURGERS IN THE GALAXY ARE ONLY THREE LIGHT YEARS AWAY AT THE METEOROID BURGER BAR”

Hungry and hopeful, Egamorf felt that the empty stomach of space had finally thrown him a life-line. For where there are cheeseburgers, he thought, there simply must be cheese.

After a long trip on a lonely space highway, the weary space traveller eventually approached the far-out space-food station which sat between several important star systems.

He rejoiced when he saw the brightly lit floating menus orbiting the Meteoroid Burger Bar. On planet Bree, his parents had rarely allowed him to eat any kind of space junk food, but this was surely a special occasion.

It was a busy place. An endless procession of space crafts zoomed in and out of the Burger Bar’s fly-thru service. While inside the venue, exotic aliens from all parts of the galaxy were lining up to order on super-nova sized meals.

Egamorf parked his spaceship and hurried towards the counter so that he could order a Cosmic Cheeseburger with extra cheese. But to his utter disappointment, he soon saw a devastating notice pinned on the menu board. It read:

“Cheese out of stock”

It seemed that even in this far away pocket of the galaxy, the Meteoroid Burger Bar’s cheese supplies had also stopped arriving. The supply chain issues Bree was experiencing were being universally felt in all corners of the cosmos. He learned they were even running short on lettuce.

Egamorf was so disheartened that he all but lost his appetite and spent the next hour sitting at a table slowly munching on some space fries while thinking about what to do next.

It was then that a large grey alien with a broad smile began to approach him.

“I recognise you” said the stranger who introduced herself as Pluti.

“I’ve watched your funny dance videos about cheese. They often appear on my space-feed when I’m scrolling through channels.”

Egamorf was so shocked to be spotted by someone who knew something about him in this distant space-food station that he didn’t know how to respond.

“What are you doing out here?” Asked Pluti.

“I’m on a quest to find a new source of cheese to resupply my planet” replied Egamorf once he had regained his composure.

“But it seems I have failed. I can’t find anything anywhere and even this Burger Bar has run out of stock”

“Well then, it just so happens I may be able to help” said Pluti with a sparkle in her eyes.

“I work as a satellite repair technician and see a lot of the galaxy while travelling to and fro from various jobs in the vastness of space. Via the cosmic cable I install I am able to tune into all sorts of channels from all sorts of strange planets.”

“Have you ever picked up a signal from a place that makes cheese?” asked Egamorf eagerly.

“I have” said Pluti.

“Not too long ago I was repairing a satellite in a distant star system when I picked up a signal from a little blue planet called Earth. From what I saw, they seem to produce the very best cheese in the galaxy, maybe the universe.”

Egamorf couldn’t believe his luck, here was the clue he had been searching for. He offered to buy Pluti whatever she would like for lunch as he asked her everything she knew about cheese on Earth and how to reach this little blue planet.

By the time they had finished, Egamorf's spirit had never felt so inspired. He thanked his new alien friend a thousand times over and raced back to his spaceship to program planet Earth’s coordinates into his GPS.

His journey, while a long one, would give the Milky Way a new meaning.

END OF CHAPTER ONE.

Humanity
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About the Creator

Max Burns-McRuvie

I research, write and guide Sydney Crime History tours for a living.

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