Slut Shaming

It’s bad enough when men do it, but when I witness women participating in slut shaming, it lights a fire in me. When I see women instigate it, I want to burn cities and countries, beginning with the justice system that slut shames sexual abuse survivors. Ladies, if we EVER want this to stop, you have to stop shaming your sisters for choices that are none of your business.

Some may say I’m making a big deal out of nothing. Get back to me after you’ve pored through the mug shot books trying to identify who assaulted you with a cop sneering over your shoulder that you’re probably inventing the story because the predator wasn’t in the first five books. The people who are supposed to be protecting and serving should be ashamed of the volume of mug shot books they have for sexual assault, not intimidating traumatized women. Don’t get me started about unprocessed rape kits.

How does slut shaming affect this? It labels women as sluts and whores, catering to a system that will refer to a 13 year old girl as a “young woman” and her 18-19 year old assailant as a “boy” in court. “Are we going to let this young woman ruin this boy’s life?” If you’re out there shaming women for their sexual choices (again, none of your business), you’re doing maintenance on a road that was paved long ago: shame and blame the woman (or girl) so the man will be acquitted. Regardless of who you’re talking about, if you’re slut shaming, you’re an active participant in undermining and shaming women, calling credibility into question via your self-righteous judgment.

Let’s also look at the psychology behind what the pearl clutchers call “sluttiness”: a large percentage of sexually promiscuous women (I apologize for the term) have a fear of saying no due to their past lived experiences, a conditioning that it’s better in the end to just give in rather than risk the violence of refusing. Some are reclaiming their sexual identity from their abusers. No, not all—for some, it’s pure choice to refuse imposed values and live by one’s own beliefs about right and wrong. The point is this: how dare you make judgments about lives you haven’t lived, experiences you haven’t had, appointing yourself as a moral authority.

Until women can support each other and abandon slut shaming, the world is a more dangerous place for all women; if you’re slut shaming, you’re part of the narrative and mindset—the rape culture that allows our courts to put the victim of the sexual assault on character trial to protect the man from facing consequences for the assault—the “she was asking for it” narrative. If you’re going to refer to any woman as a slut or a whore, do it far, far away from me. I’ll shame you for shaming your sisters and perpetuating rape culture.