We grow up having dreams of what we would like to be when we get older but what if...
What if all the schooling, preparation, and life lessons don't work
What if all the early mornings, late nights, and unsolicited advice never helps
What if....
We push and we push even against our own limitations breaking a little bit more each day but what if....
What if all the hard work and pushing past all the exhaustion is doing more harm
What if all the self doubt, and unfulfilled dreams are crushing our hopes
What if....
We wake up each day striving for a better outcome than from the day before thinking I'm not quite there... maybe one day but what if...
What if that one more day never comes and the hopelessness takes its hold on our soul
What if the positive thoughts become negative ones ruminating deep in our minds
What if....
Every day we make decisions and then we are forced to live with those consequences whether good or bad, but what if...
What if I'm picking or choosing between two options having never even seen a third
What if I look left, but go right, just to find another door closed
What if....
We learn new skills, build new friendships, and go for the gold then suddenly our world begins to fall apart but what if...
What if life finally gave you a break and things started going your way
What if you grew, and let go of that past, you just could never seem to run far enough away
What if....
Life may have its challenges...
You might not quite be there yet.... but maybe one day!
And that's the intro to my story. A life full of let downs, struggles, hopelessness, and broken promises.
A life full of always having to put others before myself, and do whatever it took to get the job done.
I find my life in ruins as I try to rebuild from all the pieces of rubble scattered all around. No determination or sheer willpower will get me there.
I sit in this chapter of my life burnt out, broken down, and thinking to myself what if I peaked at 29 or even 35.
And now a decade later nothing left to see who I used to be. I cling to my old self knowing I had so much potential.
Yet with each new day, with the rising of the sun, and the breath in my lungs. I'm filled with mourning a life that came undone.
A list of dreams, visions incomplete. Feeling filled with despair, and full of defeat.
I take a step or two in the right direction, but my mind is flooded with too many possibilities.
I become extremely indecisive, and cannot choose even one thing from this selection and there dies all my opportunities.
One who once multi-tasked, the “go to” at any corporation. Now sits alone, and can no longer function.
My mind a mess my body too. I think to myself I'm not quite there yet... but maybe one day!
So I look at today as any other day. Full of uncertainty and not sure I will ever find my way.
But for a moment I hear my inner voice say. Hey why not... let's try to finish one of those umpteen projects today.
At least that's a start!
About the Creator
J.W. Baird
Who Am I?
I keep asking myself. I spent half of my life as a single mother. Pushing myself to be the strong independent individual that I have always been. My kids have grown and my life seems turned upside down.
I now search to find myself!
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