He who is Accountable

Oh boy......What to say, what to write; only the truth will suffice.

I started a story in my mid twenties in the early gunpowder setting. It was to be my first fantasy book. Not sure what others are doing, or where they are, when they get their first solid idea; the one they wish to turn into reality.


I was walking along a trail and I came up with a main character who has reasons to travel. She wasn't alone. Next was the man who would be the reason she was finally able to travel, then his friend, his foe, and next thing you know; the reason for the entire story.

Then came the back and forth. Who would be what and where? Which character would be background and which would guide the way? Friend or foe? Mentor or nuisance? This had to be my first writers block, but it was a way to slowly shape the world. With each character development, the world took form. Suddenly this woman wasn't just an extra piece, she now held value for specific chapters and for certain characters. Someone you could bond to, for better or for worse.

Overtime, a long story began to be divided into books, one story became a series. Each book became a place for each moment. The value to dedicate every page to each event without denying the story.

~ But I lost hope.... slowly and surely. Not because of what is needed to complete the book, but everything with life ~

As I began to actually write chapters, we had covid. Living a life as an EMT, working 80-100 hours weekly; needless to say I didn't do much after each shift. I am only four chapters in.....

COVID didn't stop in 2021. In Washington state it lingered on in various forms state and corporate policies. Politics never recovered, the state split. I even had coworkers at odds with each other over their belief on the best way forward for society.

I had more time on my hands to write, but something didn't feel right. I didn't feel the same. Healthcare changed, people inside and outside the system changed.

Then my lady left taking the children. I was only step father so I don't have any legal grounds to fight for custody. Legal said I just need to pray they will come looking for me on their 18th birthday. Yeah... still haven't gotten over that one.

Watched my grandma die on my birthday. Saved so many other lives, couldn't save hers.. Needless to say medicine is hard to practice these days....

Now here I am pondering why the book/series was never finished.

In the end, I was just distracted. The reason the book isn't finished.....me. I didn't dedicate the time consistently. I still haven't.

The days feel dark. Sure the sun rises, but the light doesn't reach the inside. Whether it is the notebooks on my desk, or the word document on the desktop, the story remains untouched. My brain, my thoughts move towards a different collection; one born of darkness looking to shine a light.

Now another project takes form one aiming to turn my hardships into someone else's answers. Will it work? I couldn't tell ya, but I need to try. Just because my story didn't glow, doesn't mean others need to be shrouded in darkness....If I am to write anything, let it be the key to free others.

Maybe one day I will share with vocal what I started in 2018. Until then, one day at a time with you fine folds, one story and one challenge. May we all have a wonderful summer and a blessed holiday season.

~ Life isn't fair but it is still good ~