Give me Tim & Diana please

Hi Paul,

For this part of your challenge, I chose to pick from "Families" community. Why? Because that is where my heart and passion are found. It is a very intimate community, and some might consider the stories found there somewhat sacred. I do. I read all of yours. There were only a handful.

From those I found some too deeply personal and touching that I could never consider myself worthy to "critique." They were beautiful. So beautiful that reading them made me feel like I should buy a bouquet of flowers to place at their resting place.

But I did find one anomaly of sorts there which you, yourself term "experimental." After reading it, I felt comfortable enough to delve in and give you my honest input.

It's funny (strange) that you to deem these story/musings as experimental but then go on and give your readers every opportunity to see that families are, indeed, just that. Point for Paul!

Let's start with the black and white intro photo. 50's/60's. Mom and Dad dressed neatly and appropriately for times and roles. Neat two-children rule of thumb, one boy and one girl. Dad a college graduate based on his ring. Perfect!?

Coffee table with ashtrays pushed back far enough to be "child-proof." But I couldn't help thinking that if those kids ever bounced or were the least bit rowdy, that all those figurines and teacups on the wall, would surely come crashing down. And seeing that the lamp shade is also covered, I could presume that these kids were not going to have an easy go of it with stiff rules and regulations in their world. Forgive me if this is truly a family photo of yours and not an anonymous image.

So, with that image in mind to match your story, your job was to add color and texture to what I was already presuming, but did you? Did you make my points or did you fool me? Did I enjoy being right or did I want to thrash you for crashing my deductive skills?

• I was very confused as to whom Tim was...was this a family member of yours or just a narrator with a stream of consciousness need to process his own life?

• You delivered the traditional vs eclectic definitions of a family, and the very core and purpose of any family. That made me pause with thought. But again, what was Tim's like and why exactly did you put your ancestral surnames in the mix? I loved how you gave ancestors prop though.

• You also enriched my heart with feelings for Diana and Tim and anger and powerlessness towards war-torn circumstances (but I didn't have a strong sense of cohesion as to how the characters threaded into this story?)

• "I now realize my mistake. I’ve spent so long pushing people away, convincing myself that detachment was survival. But in truth, it’s left me hollow. Without kin, without a tribe, I’m adrift. There’s no one left to share my burdens, my wrongs, and my rights with. No one to witness the horror and the joy, to carry the weight of what’s left of this broken world." This paragraph was positively GOLD!

• If I were your English comp teacher, I would have you re-write using my comments because it "felt" slightly "adrift." Having said that, I also couldn't find the original challenge which prompted this story. Acrostics were there, though, albeit they were scattered/mixed-in.

• I do hope you write another story about Tim & Diana...their story.

• Maybe the picture you chose is the wrong one? The image I saw from your story was more like WWII Europe. But no thrashing today because the point you wanted to make from your image was about families and I wanted more of Tim & Diana's...you just gave us a traditional "perfect" family. And that is okay!