Retiring from the Pitch

This past year my collegiate soccer career ended in our conference's championship game. We were on the losing end of the 2-1 score, one that my teammates and I do not feel accurately represents our season. The clock ran down in those final minutes and it took me to the 15 second mark that I finally realized we would not be making a comeback. We wouldn't be playing another game. I looked at the rest of my senior class from the bench and saw tears in their eyes, knowing that they were coming to the same realization that I was. It wasn't easy. It still isn't.

So what do we do now? Most of us had been playing soccer our entire lives and had jumped at the chance to play in college. There are common misconceptions about D3 athletes, one of those being that we put in less time, effort, and sacrifice than those in higher divisions. This is not true - we sign up to a team requiring less commitment than D1 or D2 but it does not mean we don't use our free time to put every one of our efforts towards what we do on the pitch. Every day, even in the off season, there are steps to take towards success on the field. Now that soccer is over, that motivation goes away. The structure is gone and we have to learn to create our own.

People who do not play will tell you it's simple - "go join an adult club league" or "you'll find something else that will give you back that value in life". These people do not know what they're talking about. The rise of our heart rates during a playoff game will never be matched, the hype of the supporters and fans will never sound the same anywhere else. The same feeling of camaraderie you have with the team surrounding you during the worst of losses and the best of wins will never be matched to a woman's league, no matter how competitive. I find it hard to talk to my friends who are non-athletes or have never really been involved in any sort of "team" before. You can't explain the shared anger you all feel as you sit on the turf at 6 a.m. waiting for coach to show up and make you do punishment sprints for the loss the previous day. It's even harder to explain how much closer you feel after the grueling morning session is over and the only thing you have left to commemorate it by is the soreness in your legs as you all walk to the dining hall together before class.

The sport to the athlete always means more than the sport itself. It's about the long bus rides, the overnight trips, the tension in the pregame huddles, and all the laughing that hurts your stomach as you try to hold it back because your coach just walked in and she has her mad face on. Its about the shared complaints and celebrations. Adversity is a large part of the game, but it also is a big part of life. Playing soccer has taught me that. So often in life, the odds do not look the best in our favor. Even when we get knocked down, it is important that we get ourselves up again. Overtime, the losses do not stand out as big L's, but rather as lessons we have successfully learned from; moments in our lives that fueled us for even bigger successes.

It feels wrong for me to feel sorry for myself as I watch this pandemic take over the next fall season, leaving my younger teammates in the dust. For the juniors my class left behind who are now seniors, I am sorry. With a senior season comes closure - the time to process that this is your last year on the pitch as a competitive soccer player. Senior year allows for one last chance to leave it all on the field, one last chance to show the freshmen what the love of soccer should mean and how it should drive their performances on and off the field. COVID-19 has brought the world a lot of heartbreak and I am sorry to my teammates who also lost their last season to it.

It sucks to hear this and I know it's something coach would say, but learn from this. Let it build your character. "Control the controllables". Take time to reflect on what your past three years have meant to you, stay connected in the following seasons as alumni. This loss will sting for awhile, likely more than any game lost to a rival team. But if soccer has taught you anything, I know you will grow more than you will hurt from this.