The Violet Diaries- Entry #3.

Before I ever questioned my complexion or reflection, I questioned nothing about myself. At home I was surrounded by love. My mom and grandma... (and even my dad, whenever he was around) from a very young age made me feel beautiful, special, important, accepted, and deeply loved. They complimented me, encouraged me, and poured so much affection into me that I genuinely believed that I was enough exactly as I was. I wasn't looking for flaws because no one at home had ever made me feel like I had to look for them. I loved the skin/ complexion I was in. I never even thought twice about it. In my head it was just... skin. I was always a girly girl so the only thing I cared about when it came to my skin was keeping it clean and moisturized like I was taught. Same with my hair. I never looked at it as needing to look a certain way. I always trusted that my mom knew best when it came to the hairs on my head. Soon that would all change.

I was raised in a home full of love and taught the importance of respect and the importance of FAMILY VALUES. I was taught that family sticks together and prays together. My mom would always say "a family that prays together stays together." She said that so much that it still sticks with me to this day. Our family values stuck with me. The things I learned in church as a child stuck with me. Fun fact; I got baptized as a child. I don't remember exactly what age I was, but I was in elementary school, no one made me do it, I just wanted too. My grandma was so happy proud of me that she called and told everyone. My mom and grandma made church on Sundays, mandatory. My siblings and I participated in Sunday school and all things church. Outside church events, Easter speeches, Christmas speeches, church plays, usher board, choir practice, vacation bible school, afternoon AND evening services, trips... you name it. We'd even bring in the new year at church sometimes. Back then I didn't care to go to church. I only went because my mom and grandma made me. Now that I think about it, I appreciate my mom and grandma for instilling those church values into my siblings and I. My church began to feel like home. The members of my church are like my family and I'm grateful for having church as a childhood memory and most important for my mom and grandma instilling the belief I of God into me and my siblings.

So just imagine being raised in a warm and loving home by a loving mother and a loving grandmother... sheltered from the evils and dangers of the world for so long and being raised in a warm loving church from a very young age and being taught about how much Jesus, loves you, to going to school expecting at least some type of the care and warmth that you got at home, only to get a taste of the coldness of the world. It was as I got older and started being around children other than my siblings or cousins that I learned a painful lesson many children learn far too early; not everyone sees you through the eyes of the people who love you. I had friends. Friends that didn't judge me, friends that only wanted to play and just be a kid just like I did. School wasn't always horrible. I actually loved and looked forward to going. I just didn't look forward to the other mean kids because some children are careless with their words and sometimes those words leave wounds that last much longer than anyone realizes.

Elementary school was the first time I heard people make fun of my complexion, middle school was the first time kids laughed at how short my hair was AND it was also the first time I was called ugly. I didn't even know what I did to be called that word and I didn't even know what it meant but I knew it was hurtful. That word pierced me deeply, and the pain got even deeper as I entered high school. Those moments didn't just hurt my feelings- they slowly changed the way I saw myself. Stay tuned... In my next diary entry, I'll share how childhood insecurities followed me into adulthood- and how they quietly influenced my friendships, relationships, and the way I accepted treatment I never deserved. Until next time.

xoxo- Purple Diamond.