Notes for The Strawberry Chapter 32/journal/essays

Notes for The Strawberry Chapter 32/journal/essay

Katherine Aguilar

The Strawberry has been opening up a whole new side of me. As I write, my words become freer and, at times, do not feel like my own, which is touching my very heart. I was up early this past morning writing and writing. Until I poured everything out, it was as if the moment is capture on the keyboard and written in my heart. For it never to be removed, it is written on my heart. It is comforting and touching. I am humbled.

I go back to my Bible and find the scriptures highlighted, and they seem clearer to me now.

I went to the store with a friend. I didn’t necessarily need to buy anything. I took it as a moment to let everything settle inside of me. There was nothing in the store. I saw a worker working. I just walked up to her, and I asked her for a hug. It was a hearty hug. I didn’t buy anything in the store. The hug was enough. With my heart filled. I believe that after going to the store and writing The Strawberry, my life, as it was, has taken a different path than it has over the past years. I decided to cut the grass. Not because I really needed to cut the grass. It gave me time to talk with God outside. It was during this time. My spirit took me to speaking in Spanish, reaching words and feelings I haven’t expressed in Spanish before. It was a good, long conversation. It was a tiny step, but it was a step toward the beginning of a new life coming down the road for me.

After my conversation with God, I went back inside and took a nap after lunch to let my thoughts come together in unison, so as not to overplan, for things change at a dime's notice. I started planning something different for this weekend. It turned into something else. The norm now is to expect the unexpected. This is very new to me. God knows what direction he wants me to go. At first, I thought writing was it. I see it is so much more.

I'm being shifted in a new direction. I applied for jobs. Even though I am not sure of the direction I should be going. It is the unknowing that is pretty scary. For a woman in her fifties, making changes is pretty hard. I am stepping into a new season.

As you read this chapter, you, the reader, walk with me in the new season. I am not sure yet whether I'll take off running in the new season, but I am taking steps toward it.

Going outside your box

As I go through my trinket box, emptying what trinkets have held me back from accomplishing much more. Some good trinkets are being tossed in, even from a distance by random strangers, which I had not expected. With the woman at the store allowing me to get a hug from her and telling me things are going to ok. She showed compassion, which everyone should expect but is not given at all times. It was nice that she shared the compassion trinket. It brought me comfort. I will keep that trinket in my trinket box.

Show compassion to others, even when you think you have it all right and things are going great. Ask for a hug from a random person you will see things are not as right as they may have seemed if they give you a genuine hug. It will feel precious.

Getting it right

Suppose you feel like you are getting it right all the time. Then you are lying to yourself. You will not get it right all the time. Don’t banish yourself for every mistake or second-guess yourself at the choices you have made. Thinking “Oh, my goodness, it was so simple! Why didn’t I get it?” Remember, you can not change your past mistakes. What it is you are finally getting it. It just took you a long time. Still, you finally got it.

In the early morning, it seemed I woke up to my inner spirit giving a pep talk to myself. It was saying to rely on the bible and the Holy Spirit. To never rely on yourself. If you have those two things, you will be fine. To never doubt the love God has for you. That you have gotten things wrong, but it is to keep seeking and keep trying. That is to make sure others do the same thing. The first person you are to preach to is yourself. Make sure it stays on your heart and share it with others so they do the same thing. It ended with GET IT!

My Spanish is not the best. But last night I heard my spirit talking in Spanish and giving out corrections for the Latino community, how they want to much but they do not do enough for their children. The family unit has been broken. The traditions of past generations have been lost. It was a correction in Spanish. Yet I understood it. It was going over a list of things. I had never heard my spirit talk in Spanish before. I was very disappointed in the Latino community, as my spirit was saying and talking directly.

What I am writing now. It won't be in my book. I believe this is just for me. Still, I write it for myself. I will place this in my email and leave it there. What I write is probably for me to put in my trinket box to pull out when I need to share with the Latino community or myself. I will have it as words of knowledge or wisdom to share with others when I need to find the words to say things to people. Evil is in the world, and it is for all of us to overcome evil. For we do not fight against flesh, we fight against evil spirits trying to take over our lives. It is for us to use the structure and the Word of God to overcome the world. Evil can easily overtake us if we allow it. I am for use to make sure we are rooted in a strong foundation to weather the storm and not be swayed by those evils. Suppose we can share that with others. Then we will not be just sharing the scripture. We will be living the scripture, which is what we are supposed to be doing. It is easy to talk about the Bible, but it is another thing to live the bible. We need to live and believe what it says. We must not just be lumps, expecting things to change if we are not doing anything to bring about change in our lives. Things will get better and change if we allow God to work in all of us. He is the writer of our story. He knows what he has wanted to do all this time. We have been too stubborn to do what he has asked us to do, for we think we know best. He wants something beautiful for us to do. But we are stubborn and want what we think is better. Sharing this with others will move us in the right direction.

The evil takes over the world if people like evil, then they are not of God. People will have to decide if they choose to do evil or if they want to follow God. You can not service two masters. That is correct in the bible. You need to serve God. Evil is of this world. God wants us to have something beautiful, but evil wants to bring us down. If feeling down is better for you, then you know what master your service. If being lifted and in joy, then you know you serve God, and you would want to share with others. When you die, you will know that the world was just a passing phase and is not the result. It will be that you were used as an instrument. Either the music you have left on this earth is beautiful and soothing, or it will be music of sadness and destruction. What music do you want to leave behind? What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want God to see when your heart is read at the time of your judgment?

I see some of these notes need to be published. Not all, but some. You can go back and forth many times. Your first and main love is of God. You desire to love him above all others. Others are to be loved in addition to the love you have for God. If you are living with the love inside you, you will see a reflection of God's love flowing from you to others if others accept that love as something they want and desire. If they find love in objects, they will find only emptiness and sadness. Not the true love they desire. Take heart of this for it is with this in mind. You type these words not just for yourself. But for others to read and decide on the love they truly want?