Memoirs Of The In-Between Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The sorrowful part of my tale started on my ninth birthday. In my family, upon reaching that age, it was time to prove our worth by making our first kill. I had spent those years already training, making my young body strong, my will unyielding, and fine tuning my reflexes so I was more agile than a cat. My mark was not a victim of Suiko, but one of our own. We were also paid mercenaries, so it was not just the Empress who hired us on. We also had a few rivals of our own. I was given a relatively easy task for my first job. It was the eldest son of a rival clan, older than I was by several years. It was simple, and I completed the job in under an hour – something my family had been most impressed with. It went exactly as planned: Infiltrate the grounds, hide in the tree, and shoot the lethal blow dart. My aim was flawless. I remember that it was a night with no moon, and even the stars refused to shine.

It was the first time my father had ever praised me and my mother was quietly proud. She was the one who had taught me the poison I had used on the dart. And the killing of the heir to that particular clan would prevent a war to expand into territory that didn’t belong to them, saving lives, and work for my father. The younger son was not ambitious, and would rather live a gentle life with a pretty wife.

I remember crying in my older sister Tomoya’s arms hysterically for hours afterward, and her sympathetic voice stating in a gentle tone that perhaps my mind was strong, but my heart was as soft as the petals of a flower. My siblings and I were not close, but we loved each other dearly. And I was not the only one who did not like my family trade to say the least. For a long time after every mark I would cry, sometimes to my sister, and sometimes to my dear friend Yuki. Yuki was also a servant to Empress Suiko, she was one of the few people who could speak with dragons safely.

Before I continue, I suppose a little information would help you understand. Suiko had a few dragons she could use if we ever went to war – and it was due to my friend and her alliance with the dragons. Not only was Yuki gifted with dragon speech, she was also blessed with the gift of premonition.

Like my story, the tale of the dragons is a tragic one. I only got to see one in my lifetime, and she was Yuki’s spirit sister. I remember that day like one remembers a vivid dream for a long time after they wake. The dragon’s magic had put me in a haze, but by sheer willpower I stayed conscious. The mere presence of a dragon could render most individuals unconscious for days. She had been gold, brilliant and painful to look at when the sun hit her, with sea green spikes down her backside from her head to the tip of her tail, and she had been warm to the touch.

Because I find it interesting, I will share with you how dragon speakers existed. I also want to honor my old friend by sharing a bit of her story. Those who had the gift of dragon speech were able to exist because they were born with the blessing of the dragons. This is where a dragon shares their energy with a child as they are born, and only a few hundred people around the globe received such a high honor. More specifically, stillborn children whom the dragons deemed worth saving and whose spirit still lingered around the mother or its corpse. This was a delicate process and had to be done within minutes of birth. When the dragon gives the child their lifeforce to bring their body back to life, they become bound by spirit – and often relate to each other as siblings. But it was not just the strength of one dragon that the child inherited – but the universal strength of all. Dragons all shared a singular energy amongst them and it came from all things. With that energy they could use the magic of the earth, fire, sky, or water.

It is with this magic that the child is blessed with, and it is that magic that Yuki received her premonitions. This is the magic that flowed between the hearts of dragons and their human companions, giving each a bond and incomparable strength, love, and wisdom to the smallest child that the eldest of elders would envy. It is why there was only one Great War between dragons – and it ended in eternal peace amongst the dragons themselves.

Not only did the child receive a gift of magic of some sort, but also prolonged youth and life. While they are not immortal, dragons can live for over a thousand years. The oldest known dragon of my time was twenty-five hundred years old. And so if a dragon chose to take on a spirit sibling, that human was blessed with the dragon’s lifeforce and with their lifespan. They aged more slowly, and retained their youth longer. For those who were blessed with a peaceful childhood, being a dragon speaker was wonderful. Not only did they retain their sense of wonder and innocence longer, but they still had more maturity as a youth than most adults did. Dragon speakers were a wonder to the world.

I often wished I had been a dragon speaker, instead of an assassin. I was so envious of beautiful Yuki, but I loved her with all my heart. It seemed as if she were an older sister to me, and she kept me grounded as if I were her own younger sister. Her spirit was as strong as a dragon itself, but her heart and touch was as soft as the petals of a sakura flower. It was unfortunate that as time went on, dragons died more and more. The more they had died, the more Yuki’s energy withered away, because the universal strength of the dragons was dissipating. Humans had gotten the idea that the heart of the dragon if ingested could give them dragon magic, or eternal youth. This was not exactly wrong, but only the treasured dragon speakers had that right – and they did not need to kill a dragon for such gifts. Yuki was eighty-seven when I first met her, but she looked no older than a young teenager, the way a young girl looks at the age of fourteen. As time went on, I looked older than her, and she remained my friend throughout my years.

As time went on I stopped crying after every mark, becoming a quiet shell of a person that moved and functioned as if I were some futuristic machine. My existence was one of sorrow and regret. But as years went by and I only became deadlier, I lost track of myself, and only Yuki and her spirit sister could give me glimpses of what I used to be as a small girl, of what I could have been as a functioning person. For me, life seemed to pass by with no meaning. Yuzuki Kobayashi had no future and no present, except for death, and soon I forgot I had a past. I stopped feeling and soon, I had exceeded the skills of death and fighting far beyond even my older brother. By the time I was twenty-one years old, I had killed over one hundred people. I often wondered if I still had a soul, if I was an actual person. Does one's soul disappear after you’ve committed so much evil? Even if it wasn’t by choice to kill – even if death was an order by someone who had the power to demand you to kill their enemies? Suiko was a kind and fair Empress, I realize this now but at the time I was simply another dog of the Imperial Army. I followed orders, and killed who I was told to kill.

The only one who made me feel like an actual entity was Yuki. She would enchant me with tales of the dragons, and educated me about them. It was my time with her that reminded me that somewhere within myself I still had a heart and I was still a human. It was that time with her that I faintly recognized that I did exist in some way to someone as more than a handy assassin. Our friendship was the one warm thing in my heart, and I still think to this day, it is what kept me as human as I could be. To dwell upon anything else but her would break me - this I knew. Once haunted by the faces of my victims, I grew cold - and eventually I cared for nothing but the love of my siblings and Yuki.

One day, Yuki sought me out, her pretty face that looked so young crumpled in worry. I tried to comfort her, but it was no use, and it took a very long time to get her calm enough to speak to me. And when she did speak, my body went numb. Sometimes, when a person says something, you just know, there is nothing else, you cannot dispute it. This was one of those times, and my body tingled as I listened to her soft musical voice. “Yuzuki-chan.” She said softly. “I had a most horrid vision. I prayed that it was only a nightmare, but I feared not. This vision I dare not tell Suiko-sama, for I fear for your life.” She whispered into my ears a story of horror, of a betrayal more blasphemous than speaking ill of the gods. She whispered to me a secret that would get my whole family killed. I had grown to be most trusting of Yuki’s sacred gift of premonition. Her words were golden, and were we still alive today, they still would be. Needless to say, because of my absolute faith in her, when she whispered such a horrible tale to me, so quiet so that no one would hear, I was determined to find the truth. She continued to pray it was only a nightmare- but deep inside my guts in the place where instinct speaks to you, I knew it was no such thing. I knew that it was far more than a terrifying dream.

That night when my parents were in the palace, attending a party that Suiko was holding, I had broken into my father’s most private office and began to snoop around. It took an hour, sifting carefully through papers, putting everything back as it had been. I knew not what I was looking for exactly, but in the end after much anxiety and impatience, I found a letter to my father, and with this piece of parchment ended my blind search. I stared in horror at the kanji on the paper. I can still envision and recite the words as if it were yesterday.

Kobayashi-sama,

Thank you for your most helpful contribution in our campaign against Suiko-sama. With the information you provided us, our infiltration of the palace grounds should be as simple as chewing rice. With this letter, I have enclosed the payment you required. I doubted your hefty price at first, but now I see it was very much well warranted. I want to warn you, that in a fortnight, we will be making our move. Have your family out of the palace grounds as my men will be ordered to kill anyone who holds a weapon or resists - even women and children. Those that don’t resist will be used as servants and slaves. Station yourself east of the palace and watch for the fire. Afterwards, come find me, and I will reward you with more opportunity and fortune.

There was no name on the letter, no specific named price, but it was evidence enough. My father was selling information against the Empress to someone who wanted to kill her, or worse. How Father could do such a thing after being in Suiko’s service for so long, I still do not understand. His position was not low, and our family lived very well. We had servants of our own, and we lived lavishly inside the palace grounds. We had a large house, and many items of gold and silver, and Suiko spoiled us with royal dinners often. The fact that whoever this was could buy out information from my father about the empress shocked me.

Even yet, I wasn’t fully surprised. My father had never been known for his loyalty. Countless mistresses had come and gone from his chambers in our large house on the palace property. And he had always insisted that loyalty was bought in the currency of favor and money. When he trained Yuske, Tomoya, and I he was never gentle, some days he would almost drive us to the point of illness, and even pushed us to the brink of death. He couldn’t be loyal to his own wife, and he treated his children like objects of trade, why would he be loyal to the empress?

My mind went numb and panic set in. In all my knowledge to blend, to fight, to infiltrate, to hurt and kill… nothing I knew applied to this. My father was betraying my Empress…and I wanted to protect her. Not once before had I ever felt this way, it was new and it took me a few minutes to digest and understand what the urge was. I came to the conclusion rather quickly however. I had to protect Empress Suiko, no matter what. I subconsciously knew not just her life was at stake, but the soldiers that would die during the attack on the palace, and after that, what would happen to the people? Who were these people and would they be fair and kind to the people of Japan? I was not going to just wait and find out. I was not sure what to do so I went to my older sister, and showed her the letter, and we agreed to go to the head of our family – Mother.

In public, Father was the Kobayashi clan’s voice, head, and representative, but it was Okaa-san that made our decisions, and ultimately ruled the family. An old saying I once heard stated that a person’s head must have a strong neck to turn it. If my father was the head of the family in public, then Mother was for sure the neck of our Clan. So my sister and I approached her the next day and showed her the letter.

The events after that erupted into a firestorm of blood, anger, and hatred. Mother had taken the letter, a blade, and confronted my father. My sister and I cowered in the family room as much screaming ensued. Our house, which was usually so eerily quiet, was bursting with the harsh voices of my parents. It was certainly unusual. For an assassin to raise their voice something must be terribly off. Why else would we break away the habits of silence, ingrained in us from childhood? It seemed to go on for hours but eventually our father would burst from his office, approaching Tomoya and I.

“Who invaded my office? How dare you-” He screamed in a guttural voice while his hand raised towards us, and I could hear my mother coming down the hall. We were a family of assassins, but mother had always been a wise nurturing teacher and she loved us. Our father had been known for his temper… something that went hand in hand with his daily bottles of sake, and until we had grown old and trained enough to hold our own against him, Mother had protected us against his drunk and blind rage. She did so now again, though Tomoya and I could have easily defended ourselves. She grabbed our father from behind, spun him around, and slammed him into the ground. The motion was so quick I could barely register what happened.

“Who are you to speak to them like that?” She snarled. “How dare you, when you put all of our family at risk? Thousands of lives will be lost! We will be executed, including our children. Suiko-sama is good to you! How could-”

My father lost his mind at that moment; his hand went up and punched my mother. It was something all the women in our family had inherited from her, her small frame, and strong body. We were all solid, but our bodies weighed nothing to the large men in our family; our mother who had been caught off guard went flying into the wall, and slumped over. A blow like that, her breath must have been ripped from her lungs. My father silently got up, savagery and coldness filled his expression, and then I made the mistake of blinking. He was by us then, his blade slicing the throat of my sister. I remember silently watching her body fall, feeling her warm blood splash across my face. I was in complete shock; my mind was refusing to process what my eyes were taking in. The seconds that ticked by felt like hours to me as my brain fully grasped the situation. Then I did something I’d never done before during all of even the most brutal training my father made us endure: I cried out.

My elder brother Yuske came in at the noise. The sound of my sister’s body hitting the floor made his almond eyes jerk towards her twitching body, the sounds of her throat trying to take in air making the heavy moment sound even worse. For a split second, the noises of my suffocating sister, who wasn't bleeding fast enough to die quickly, was the only thing I could hear. She was choking and suffocating on her own blood. And the blood flooded the room like an opened dam. We were warriors - and only during the night time did we ever put down our multiple weapons and blades.

Of my siblings, I was the youngest by a far cry. Yuske and Tomoya were twins, and they were seven years older than I. The bond between them was incredible, as one would expect from twins. Even as assassins they were inseparable. Their missions were usually dangerous infiltration assassinations. Tomoya was allowed to keep her hair long and elegant, for the use of seducing enemies. Yuske was her blade in case her mission went wrong. They were as close as siblings of assassins can be.

When he saw our sister fall to the floor, blood cascading out her throat, the shock and horror on his face was palpable. The pain that ran through him could almost be felt as a shockwave that filled the room. Yuske drew his tachi and lunged informally at our father, his anger being screamed as he clumsily jabbed the blade outwards. Anger was the ripple that disturbed the pond...it was one of the first lessons. You never fight with anger.

I turned at that point, and ran. I don’t know why, but I remember somehow knowing that I was not going to make it out. I grabbed the letter out of my mother’s hand as I ran, and went into a closet, shaking. I could see the shadow of my brother falling, the shadow of the arching blood splashing out from within his body. I could have run out of the house, but I stayed rooted, eyes staring at the crimson of my siblings spreading across our dark wooden floors.

It was at that point my mother, whom I could see, got up shakily and drew her blade. Her screams of anguish at the sight of my siblings still haunt my dreams. There was a brief battle between them, but in the end I watched as the katana of my father impaled my mother through her stomach, and he let her body fall off his blade coldly.

I edged further into the closet, unable to control the loud sobs that ripped from my chest in heaved breaths. I had a Tantō equipped to my waist. My left hand wrapped around the handle of that precious blade. I could see him walking towards the closet I was in, his blade dragging on the ground carelessly, an odd demented smile on his face. It was strange to see him smile in the first place, but that cold smile made my body clench in a strange fear. It was as if it was not my father and I could think of only one word to describe this strange look upon my father’s face: demon.

I think I did wonder what kind of demon had control of him as he drew closer. I had time to briefly think about my cowardice. If I had stayed to help my brother fight the demon man, would my mother and brother have lived? Would we have only lost my sister? I thought of Tomoya then. I felt cold rage grip me as I pictured the look on her surprised face and became aware once again of her blood growing sticky on my face, the sounds of my mother trying to crawl towards him, screaming weakly: "Don't touch her! Don't you dare touch her! Run my daughter! Run!"

The calm that overcame me then could easily be described as the eerie stillness in the air right before the dawning of huge storms. If I were the ocean, I wouldn’t have a single wave lap at the shore of the land I surrounded. Perhaps I would die. No, I knew I would die, but that was what must have been done. For all the evils in the world, he would never see it coming. Complete the mission at all costs.

My mission now was to kill the demon man who put an end to the Kobayashi legacy - and to die along with him, leaving that cruel blood-filled legend to die in the blood it had built itself in.

When he reached the closet, he reached his hand to me as if he were offering me a gentle guiding step. I took his hand and stepped out, as he stepped in. I could feel the bite of his cold steel slicing through the soft skin of my stomach, but I could also feel the flash of my blade, sinking deep into his jugular at the same time. The familiar pressure of soft flesh under my sharp blade reassured me as my belly burned and I screamed out in agony as his blade pierced through the back of my body as well. He had stabbed me all the way through. I yanked my blade to the left, ripping his throat open with an angry hiss of vengeance.

He had not been expecting my blade. This is why I chose the smaller blade, I knew an expected katana would do no good. It’s what I was best at, but a smaller, less noticeable blade would be more effective. I knew I was going to die, and I had quietly and quickly come to terms with that. His eyes glazed over as I watched, and he fell, letting go of his blade as he did so. I leaned against the wall and stumbled a little way. I made it to the room with my mother and siblings and fell. I could do nothing but sob in agony, as I pulled the blade from my intestines and threw it aside. It hurt as much pulling the blade out as it did to be stabbed by it. I knew by how weak I was already feeling that I was losing too much blood for any hope and I stared up at the ceiling, crying in pain, and in remorse. I was on my back on the ground when the door flew open, and Yuki, imperial guards, and the Empress herself came in. Suiko ran to my mother, and Yuki ran to me.

“Yuzuki-chan.” She said softly, tears welling up in her brown eyes. “I saw it too late.” I couldn’t speak, but I had enough strength to reach up, and place the letter in her hands. Yuki took the letter, and hugged me, crying as she held me. When she took it, I faintly recognized her eyes glaze over as they do when she is seeing into the distant world. It was only a few heartbeats before she blinked, and she let out a choked cry, and hugged me to her, my blood ruining her pretty purple silk kimono. “I can see you have saved us all Yuzu-chan.” She whispered to me. “You saved her life…you saved my life too. Hundreds upon hundreds would have died…in one day you have saved as many as you have killed.” She smiled at me even as hot tears fell from her cheeks and landed upon my face. “I love you, Yuzu-chan…Sleep with peace for me.” In that instant, my life suddenly felt as if it had meaning, and I could feel how proud of me Yuki was.

I died there in her arms, my world slowly fading away. As I died for the first time since my ninth birthday, I felt wild, intense, and immeasurable joy. Peace settled through me, her words repeating in my head as I lay in her arms, her tears washing my sins away. I was not only feeling my fierce happiness because my miserable life was over but because Yuki said something so meaningful that it filled me with the type of joy that makes a person cry…Tears did leak from me, but they were not of sorrow or pain and in fact the pain was the first thing I stopped feeling. Eventually numbness spread through my body from the wound. I could only look up at Yuki, my dearest friend as I vaguely realized she had tried to save me. As she held onto me, I forced my tears to stop, and soon I came to the idea that I was smiling at her.

I pray that she knew my smile meant I was finally at peace with myself. My vision faded slowly as my heart slowed, and eventually my world went black and nothingness reigned for a while. I am confident that the invasion was stopped, and Suiko reigned until she died of natural causes. I died by my father’s blade, but I died for a different purpose than what I lived for. I died to protect my Empress, and as my life faded away, I realized why I had hated life so much. I had always wanted to protect life, instead of taking it away. And that is why I felt such inconceivable joy as my suddenly meaningful life slipped away. As darkness fell upon my vision, everyone around me turned into orbs of light before fading away. I had saved many orbs of light that day, and I had found myself along the way. I felt I could truly die in peace…because Yuki said I could.

My 5-year-old daughter is competing in Nationals at the All American Miss Pageant in Orlando Fl, during Thanksgiving Week this year. It is being hosted with National American Miss. We are trying to raise money for hotel costs, her casual modeling outfit, her formal gown, and to submit her portfolio in a Photogenic. All money I make off of Vocal will be going straight to her Pageant.

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