Loyal to everyone except eachother 💔

I met this guy in 2018 when I was feeling completely new while studying abroad in China, he was not Chinese but international student, we were both there to learn chinese language . The first encounter we had was kinda weird , I mean he just had showered and was on towel when I knocked his door in dorm with 3 other roommates as each room had 4 roommates with bunker beds my room number was 318 and his was 302 but it was in opposite direction so it was just nearby my room on 3rd floor.

My roommates were outgoing and pretty young so they attracted most of the guys around dorm and all 3 were from same country and i was the different one so though there were many guys around our rooms, no one was there for me they usually made me excuse to meet them and visit our room as I was the easier one to hangout with friend zone kind hahaha...

One day few other boys from my roommates country came to have drink with them and he was among one of them but from different country, as they spoke same language being neighboring nations, they were well connected and my two friends from another 2 different nations came to give me company as well and we started out group fun together having beer that night. I couldn't drink much just one can of beer and I felt sleepy those days nobody really noticed me as my roommates were center of attraction with full on energy and also bit loud as they very almost 8yrs younger than me somebody asked me how much I drank , I was like are u asking me ??? cuz i was like quiet and just talking with my 2 friends in the corner and enjoying not knowing somebody actually noticed me and talking to me who was as same age as me and may be felt familiar and then our friendship began with many ups and down and kinda affair but not an affair , bestest friend yet felt like lovers , couldn't approach too near as we both were in commited relationship back in our own countries with almost a decade of relationship with our partners and we both forced ourselves to be loyal but again as we were there together we couldn't resist the love flaming but yet we cooled it off, I started getting crazy when he tried to ignore , I also ignored thinking this is not what we should be feeling and he felt ghosted and lost his mind we both were frustated we both got angry , jealous whenever anyone came near us to approach but we couldn't admit cuz we wanted to stay loyal to our own partners and moved on after a year back to own countries in 2019 within those 9 months many things happened but we couldnt do anything what our heart desired cuz we felt it would be cheating to our partners waiting home and now in 2026 also we are with our respective partners the same ones with a decade long affair

We met once again in 2025 as a reunion with other friends the emotions I cant explain and may be he also can't I dont know..... I came back with a heavy heart because we just met once the day I arrived for dinner and that's it , we went his country for reunion but he had no time at all I was shy when I saw him at the lobby of our hotel where we stayed I saw him but I looked other way and act as if I didn't see him , he saw us and came to hug from back side and we had fun talking , he said me to seat on front seat of his car he pampered me the same way he did by offering food which he thought I may prefer and took us to restaurant he gave me meat with his chopstick as he always did that in China as well on my bowl , many small gestures which he does attracts me even now I was mesmerised , I don't know how he felt he put my hands on my shoulder as a buddy same like he did in china showed me around with other friends dropped me at the hotel and went saying tomorrow I am not free have works will meet again on wednesday and he never came back or texted me I deleted him........ & came back with heavy heart as if i have biggest tragedy I was hurt super hurt....