James Bond Would Be Proud of You (I think?)

In the last episode, Ben was furiously trying to unravel the past and find out why he was there.

Doug’s soup is getting too hot. His boss is under pressure from the executive due to the controversy in China. Things are about to get a whole lot dirtier, and not because Ben hasn’t had a shower.

Ben’s detective work was rudely interrupted by a knock at the door. Who could it be? One of the three assassins, housekeeping, or even worse: the nurse from hell? Read on…

******

Ben squinted through one eye as the figure emerged into his dimly lit room. Looking like the Grim Reaper in all her glory was the nurse from hell. Straight from the set of the film ‘Misery’.

“Me come to glive you mledicine,” she said with that evil smile.

Great thought, Ben, that is all I need. “I don’t need any medicine; I need answers!" replied Ben, trying to resist.

“Why you want answers? You velly lucky! Time to go home for you - just two more tablets, yuyo sleep then yuo go home. You take now,” she replied in her broken English.

Ben was puzzled. He had just gotten here, and now he was going home. Something was ‘Crook in Tobruk’, and she was slipperier than an eel on a moonlit night.

“Sure, give them to me. Can you get me some water from over there?” he asked in his most feeble voice.

As she went to get the water, Ben took the tablets and struck them under the pillow; he might need them for later.

“Fank you,” said Ben, trying to make out he had the tablets on his tongue.

Dumb-arse jellybean! He thought, "You’ll have to do better than that with Ben the boa constrictor." Suddenly, he felt brave.

“I clome bwack in a few hours to glet you ready,” she said as she slipped out the door.

Ben took the tablets: a small yellow one and a medium white oval. He wrapped them in a tissue and stuffed them into his pants pocket hanging on a hook by the bed.

Evidence, he thought to himself, I will get it analysed.

He felt a rush of excitement. At that moment, he was like a super spy. "Bond, James Bond," he chuckled to himself. "Shaken, not stirred."

]Meanwhile, back at the ranch…]

Doug was talking to the CEO.

“I know we should have been more diligent and we should not have sent a rookie to China. Yes, (pause) he was the best we had, (pause) I don’t know what has happened to him."

The CEO's voice boomed out of the speakerphone. "Well, you need to come up with something. People are starting to ask questions and you had better have the answers. This China situation is turning into a big embarrassment. Also, shut down that hotline. I don’t want any more mysterious messages about bribery and corruption. Our share price is taking a pounding and I am not happy—understand?"

The line went dead as Doug tried to look around to see who might have heard. No one was around, thank goodness.

[Back in China…]

Ben listened intently for any sign they might be back, just like the “misery nurse” promised. He heard footsteps. A click. The door opened. He quickly shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

There was more than one voice – two, no, three. The three assassins – Ding, Dong, and Dang.

“Good,” said one of them, “the tablets have worked,” giving him a poke. “He is out to it. Tomorrow is a public holiday in China and after that we send him home,” the voice continued.

A new voice. “Good, he is trouble, damn Mr. Snake. He make our lives hell; we should just let him starve.”

The first person began swearing in Chinese. Ben didn’t know many Chinese swear words, but the tone clearly wasn’t friendly. The rest of the conversation was all in Chinese. Ben just lay there with his eyes closed.

Footsteps..... Silence...... Peace.....

Ben opened one eye at a time. The coast was clear; no one was in the room. He got up and looked outside the room. There was no one in sight. They must have all gone thinking that he was drugged and would be asleep for a while yet. He had to work quickly.

He pulled the notebook from the laundry bag again and retrieved Tiny Teddy, setting him on the desk. ‘What secrets have you got?' he said to himself as he flicked to the last page he had looked at, the one with all the numbers. What did they mean? Where was the clue? ‘Hey, Calvernicus, a little help now would be a good thing,’ he said to himself. Nothing, no voice.

[Meanwhile back at the ranch…]

Mr. Reginald Luxam the Third was on the phone with the China General Manager, Mr. Li Wan Fuckno.

“I am telling you, Mr. Fuckno, that you cannot just stop people from using the hotline. Who gave you that idea? Everyone has the right to ‘Speak Up’ if they feel the need to. That is the sign of a good organisation with a good culture,” he lectured.

“What you know about affiliates, Mr. Reginald? My affiliate - I do what I like. Everyone listens to me in China. They do as they are told.”

“I am sure they do, Mr Fuckno, but you are part of a corporation, and we have to deal with stakeholders and shareholders. We need to protect the reputation. Right now, everyone thinks we have a big problem in China with bribery and corruption. What do you say about that?” continued Reginald.

“No colluption in my affiliate. Maybe you better talk to Mr. Doug; he knows more than he tells you. We flix all ploblems but he sends his sneaky people here. They make trouble,” commented Mr. Fuckno.

“Now, now, they are not sneaky people. They are compliance auditors, they have a job to do. If you have some things that are not right, they will find them. That is their job. They stand for the organization and make sure you act correctly,” Reginald said, sounding a bit frustrated.

“We are having a lot of reputational damage because of hotline reports that have come in from China. Do you know anything about them?” Reginald continued with his questioning.

“Hotline conflidential, how I know? That your ploblem. I have no colluption in China. Leave me alone. Better go ask your friend Doug; he know all about it maybe,” replied Mr. Fuckno.

“Got to go now,” added Mr. Fuckno, keen to escape the clutches of the lawyer.

“Well, I will do just that,” said Reginald, having the final say.

“This is not over yet. If you have things you arew hiding, we will find them.”

Mr. Fuckno sat back in his leather chair and stared out the window of his office on the fifteenth floor. He looked over Shanghai and cracked a wry smile. He loved it when his plans worked. He had placed the blame on Doug, who would face the fallout. Meanwhile, he figured out how to handle Ding, Dong, and that annoying Mr Snake from Australia.

Then there was Tina. It would have been a beautiful plan for years to come if she had not stuck her nose into it. He hated her and had very special plans for her. Everyone thought she had gone AWOL so no one would miss her. It was going to be fun. “Electlicty, run over like Mr Snake? No, he would have something special for her; she had started all of this,” he pondered.

He laughed out loud into his empty office. Then, as he remembered what could have been, his face became contorted. He picked up a pile of papers and threw them at the window, hiding the Shanghai skyline with its million lights.

He picked up his phone and punched a number in angrily. “Send another hotline note. I will tell you what to say.”

There was a moment of silence. His booming voice interrupted the quiet. “Do it, or you not see tomorrow. I own you and you do what I say. Now!”

Next Episode: Episode 33:  A Chinese Cookie to Some, Just a Bad Biscuit to Others.

Till next time,Calvin