~Grandma's Time!~

~Grandma's Time!~

I sat on the floor at the end of the bed throughout the nights, of the beginning of the end! I sat on the floor by her side as the good servant girl, (and grand-daughter) called forth by God was asked to do! And I watched in silence as her soul battled the sins of the world within her. Whether to fight to live a little longer or not? The weight of the sins of the world (the one she had lived through and all that she had seen) were upon her shoulders, and this I could see. For to many years she did to much for others by all that had been pressed upon her in that life... and well it just could not be made undone! But as sure as I write these words if there could have been a way that I could have changed things for her, make her life a better, easier, happier, less tragic, worrisome and stressful one I certainly would have gladly done it!

If I could in anyway take away the memories and experiences of 2 World Wars, the one her Father was in, who came home sick because of the poisoned water many a person drank, to many of whom died. (Fortunate she was that her Father did come home to her alive for all the love she at so young an age did have for him! A true daddies girl is what she said it was.) But it did not come without heartbreak, as she and the rest of her family had to watch him suffer with pain and discomfort until he died when she was a young teenager of 14!

I would take this from her too if I could, and again 4 yrs later at 18 when you had no choice in England, when they came knocking on your door right on your birthday, and you're left faced with signing up with the military or going to prison! What kind of celebration of life/adulthood, womanhood is that, I mean, really? Oh my! Well knowing that I was born in Canada, and how lucky I am that this was the case, the gift and blessing I was given, to never have to be faced with such awkward choices about what to do with my young adult life, the least I could do was use my talent with words to write about her! So here I am now today, writing this!

I would do anything I could still, to remove those additional and continued tough times and burdens from the life and shoulders of the young girl and woman she was never given the choice or freedom to choose to be... I WOULD TAKE THAT FROM OFF HER shoulders, her memories, any which way possible if there was a way! God Bless my Grand-parents and Great-Grand-Parents for what they did so that my Mother, and her brothers and my cousins, and their children and my children and the life it has gone on to mean that we have been so lucky and fortunate to have. For not EVERYONE who has fought in wars or been raised in them or suffered living in food rationed conditions were lucky enough to live on!

So for us, there is that pride and joy to hold onto, knowing how lucky we are that by their strength to fight and abilities to adapt and endure and be Survivors are we here today born through this line of people that we can proudly know and remember for the life of freedom and the bounty of food they have given us.

For without survivors there would be no descendancy, no future! Today we are Living in a Country that is not at War, and not part of any World Wars, but rather we are just peace keepers, volunteers, helpers and supporters! And that is a much different way of life and freedom of opportunity and choices then what I've learned from my Grandma's stories and legacy of her life and that of her parents lives too!

And that means they're deserving of being remembered, and honored for what it is they did, for it IS ABSOLUTE and definitive in its value and must be talked about, written about, and remembered, loved and respected; and what that truly means for those of us living in a much, easier and safer world then the 1 they had to live and fight in for us to be able to come to know.

The joys of the lives we have now been handed down and provided, could have only happened through and because of all the hard-work and sacrifice they made. So in closing of these passing thoughts as the famous line and saying we all know so well goes, I will end mine here about her and those historical challenging times with... 'Lest We Should Forget!'

When her Father was away at war her Mother ran a bed & breakfast out of their big beautiful home, they were blessed to come from family and life where they had some wealth, (royalty, a privileged life lost due to a story of true love at a time when such a love story was forbidden, but that's a different chapter all together, in fact a different set of great, great grandparents and book in of itself lol) anyway there was some comfort, (there were people much worse off) oh but still through years of having to slave and serve and clean for those guests did my Grand-mother learn and hold onto and have respect for all those who have had to toil and labor for a lifetime of work much harder and longer then her!

This helped shape the character of her long term personality and soul! And that person she grew on to be from her early years of hardships I am so GRATEFUL for her experiences of and the single contrast of what that created for the future of her children and grand-child (me).

MY GRANDMA, did not DISCRIMINATE over class, and culture, so I am very proud to say that she was not racist, in a time in England (and the world for that matter where they thought it was O.K. to treat most anyone else different, like they were less if they were not English or of 400 yrs of Welsh descendancy or royalty) as she knew what it meant to work hard for your keep in the world and those different places in it. Therefore whenever she could during her more fortunate years she would always do what she was able for others with some of her extra savings, even if was just only a family member, that she could help! The quality of the gifts I received from her, no amount of luxury living and servants waiting on me could ever replace or compare to!

She taught her children to love and be of much better rapport and care more then that of the people around them in the world and the times they were growing up in! She instilled LOVE into them and that Love was therefore instilled into me! In fact in the story of how she met my Grand-father, well ... like her whole life in general, it to was of noble character and deed! Truly a love story of its own kind, deserving merit and its right in being told around it's own place in time and history and the 2 of their lives!

But that's a different chapter of life, and another story all together in the documentary work I'm doing about my Grand-parents, as it has now been said here, that THEIRS is a STORY, A LOVE STORY TRULY WORTH TELLING, so that indeed is what I'm going to do! To find more of that work you can just look through my previous Vocal page uploads. The titles of that work are 'My Grandpa his name is KEN!' (That section is about him!) Then there is the one called Survivors which is the Love Story/True Story being told about them, that's the sample documentary portion that's been started for people to read and enjoy on Vocal too!

1 day the whole story will be finished, and everything will finally all be brought together for a truly magnificent finish! So you don't want to miss that, I would recommend you follow me wherever you can find me on my social media and do your exciting curiosity a favor by way of Keeping Your Eye on the Prize!

Back to Grandma and my heartfelt tell all journey of her life and who she is to me and what that has done for me! I did understand that nothing is perfect, and that there is always backbiting and gossip and stories told in every family, between its members! Now the key here to surviving in your family as unscathed as possible through this part, is to tread with caution, always have your armour about you to not take anything to seriously as to what it is you are hearing people say!

You have to pick and choose your battles wisely as to which side of the journey and story of the loved one that is being talked about which side you want to be on! I'm the writer, so lucky for me I get to write about ALL OF THE SIDES if I want to! However that doesn't change my DEEP LOVE for both my Grandparents no matter what all my Uncles and Mother and cousins have said through the years, or how they dealt with and treated their parents at the end times of both of their lives!

As imperfect as we all are in the flesh as far as I'm concerned regarding Grandma's and how that goes, SHE WAS A GOOD WOMAN! With so much LOVE in her heart, she tried as best as she knew how, to share this love and her wisdom and life lessons with the ones who meant the most to her. The ones who should know to listen because there would be a day and time when she is no longer with us, with all that she had to share about a life our 2 generations of living had the luxury of not having to go through.

Well as we know Grandparents are the memory, the link, the voice, teacher, library and historian of times that was and is important for us to know about and pass on to future generations, and I think I can safely say with confidence I did my part. And when my work is finished for the world to read and watch, the measure of how I feel through my experiences of learning and being around my Grand-parents, will at that point and time be clearly definable and understood by everything that the readers and audiences alike will be taking in!

And so it goes today, she is no longer with us, and I realized that I had to find the time to find a way to express all of how I'm feeling, what I understand about what I've seen and been taught by HER and everyone around her, affected by her! And that's when I quickly understood as I was writing, that this wasn't going to be an easy task, I was no longer looking at a 1 or 2 page Eulogy in her memory around the time of her funeral!

Once the words started pouring out of me on to the paper it was pages and pages later before that first section of my thoughts and feelings and words had finally stopped! It really is Kind of like only taking a breath or a pause rather, so to speak, for there is still much left in me to share, and I don't see the end yet! So write I will until I've emptied all there is and I've grown as thin as I can on the inside of all that swells in my now to share!

Fast forward to today, and holy cow, all the work on the separate sections I've now accomplished and well, you got yourself a whole lot more then just a short story, or recorded piece of small family history, you have got yourself a BOOK! And I can't think of a better place, time and way of sharing this portion of it then right here on Vocal in the New Chapters group, where I hope my words can do justice in honoring her, and touch the lives of those her story reaches!

She was devout Christian, (Anglican, there were a lot of them in England back in her day) who saught good standing before the eyes of God, wanting his approval as any good christian woman would! She read her bible faithfully, her whole life! There was always her cherished white King James Bible with the red lettering of when Jesus spoke... right there on her T.V. tray or night stand, at a hands reach away from her bedside!

I used to love sitting alone with it there in her room, picking it up and just 'holding HER' in my hands through God, THAT WAY! I loved admiring her just flipping through its pages, where you could see what chapters had been most read, where there were thoughts or lines made, or corners folded. Or noticing where in the bible the spine was weak and softening, that a risk of pages falling away from it, could end it's glorious era as a Book altogether!

Somehow though through all the decades she owned and traveled with and read it, that copy of the word of God just kept right on ticking, she never did have to replace it! And if I were to go back to visit my Uncle's home today, that cherished bible of hers is probably still in that room which was once hers!

Guess my Uncle should consider himself lucky to have the protection of her faith and holy spirit and angels that goes with my Grandma's bible having a safe place to sit in peace and still call home! That bible was indeed old, but it was a LOVED BOOK of Scriptures, 1 my Grandma would never have thought to part with!

Maybe I could have brought her a brand new (more modern) one to add to her old faithful and look good standing or sitting next to her cherished original copy of her white KJV on that table or her bookshelf... BUT her's never fell a part or got in bad enough condition for me to ever have had the invitation and perfect timing to do so! And so it goes, when I was done reading through it and admiring it for the value it had through and through, (during those visits and alone time I would have with it) I would just close the book nicely and put it right back in Grandma favorite spot for it and go on with my childhood!

I may not have always been able to find the words I felt for her and what I was understanding through what God and his Angels quietly showed me and told me to observe in those young years of my life, and well with all the challenges and trauma's I was experiencing and living through as I was growing, adding to that coming from a traditional English family where contact and physical affection was an awkward thing for me, for all us really I guess.

But when it came to my Grandma well in that regard it can be said clearly she earned a love and respect on a totally different level within me then everyone else around us, SO SHE GOT A WHOLE LOT OF HUGS FROM ME! I never held back from Grandma, she got 'what every good Grandma' becoming a Grandma had the right too, that had been so worthily earned! In short she got a lot of love out of that little girl in me!

Because of her I discovered the wonderful world of food, and making it from scratch yourself right there in your own kitchen! Once I discovered I could do it, just as good as the legacy of the Ladies of my family line for several generations before me had done, there was NO STOPPING ME THEN! I've never looked back! And hopefully soon people will have access to my first 1 or 2 mini series cookbooks so they can go home and try following the recipes to see if they can make the food taste just as good as though it was made by me or my Grandma and her Mother and so on???

Because that is the thing with cookbooks, no matter how well written out the recipes are or how well photographed the product being made is, there still stands one major phenomena in the way! And that of course is the individual touch, skill, passion and love for the food and the 'works' of the food in the book they've taken home to their Kitchen to learn and discover from!

This of course brings US ALL BACK to our GRANDMA'S! Each one has their own magic, talents, skills, a legacy and a biography of her own to pass down to her children, grand-children and even great grand-children for the ones who are fortunate enough to live long enough to know some of them! Some Grandma's have many stories to tell of their times and what they learned and how they learned it, some have lots of writing of their own to share, for family members to discover and cherish and ask a bazillion exciting questions about! Some have skills with knitting, or sewing, or embroidery and so on!

Mine was MAGIC in the KITCHEN! No matter which kitchen she was given to cook in, what she created in every single one could only be described in 1 word and that was MAGIC! I regret never asking her to teach me how to make 1 thing of hers, I've never tasted anywhere in my entire life since my childhood glory days of eating food made by her sitting right there with her at her kitchen tables. And that was HER PEA SOUP!

Now I know what most of you are thinking, ICK, EEEWW, GREEN FOOD looks so disgusting, how could anyone eat food that is green? Especially pea soup green! But let me just tell you once you have just your first spoonful of my Grandma's Pea Soup, I promise you, whether you're young or old that you'd forget all about what color it is! Without a doubt I can say with confidence that it would be like discovering food for the FIRST TIME, like I mean how GOOD FOOD IS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO TASTE!

You would go back for 2nds, 3rds and 4ths, until your tummy was so full it looks like a pitchers mound if there was indeed enough of her soup go around and around! I could never figure it out??? HOW could she, HOW was she able to ALWAYS MAKE PERFECT FOOD? Nothing ever went wrong, she never made too much of something, she never made to little! She never had leftovers that lasted to long in the fridge.

There was never any waste, the leftovers were always just enough for someone in the family to enjoy only for a day or 2 after the holiday meal! Nothing ever got thrown in the garbage for sitting around for 7 days! I never saw a BURNT POT! NEVER HEARD a smoke alarm go off around WHEN SHE WAS the one cooking?

I never even saw dirty dishes whether from the stove, oven or something we ate off of, have any severe issues with caked on food or meat or sauces. It really was like a Fantasy story, all full of magic unfolding around you, right in front of your very eyes, every single time she cooked and your young curious soul was around to watch and marvel over Grandma Magic!

And it never once ceased to amaze me! I just couldn't figure it out all those years I spent growing up, how it is everything she ever did, how everything about her could always be so PERFECT? Of course this MADE ME WANT THAT, it was the bane of my existence in the kitchen, wanting to achieve PERFECTION, wanting to be JUST LIKE GRANDMA, wanting to be 'My GRANDMA's PERFECT!'

And looking back on it now I actually do think it did work out in my favor in that regard, only I'm not doing it as a Grandma or married Woman even at this point in my life! But everything around food with me, sure does feel, look and taste like magic to me. I never have to look any further them time alone in my kitchen to have some good quality time with her!

Needless to say as I grew up and matured and learned more throughout my adulthood, I came to learn and understand from her and from God, a much deeper message and lesson around the word PERFECT! What it meant exactly for and about her, and what it meant on God's terms, and what it should mean for me on my terms and as it should for all of you! I learned I was not meant to be MY GRANDMA! Nobody is meant to be just like their Grandma, that is what makes our Grandma's so darn special!

What I learned was how to be was the RIGHT KIND OF PERFECT, JUST RIGHT FOR BEING ME! I was indeed given the same MAGICAL GIFT of cooking as she had and what was part of our legacy of female cooks in the family. My Mother can cook when she wants to, and it is always family related type of legacy good, but her passion for it was not there!

It is not in her to the bones, to the soul, like it is in me! I can't STOP cooking! Even if I don't know who I'm making it for, my desire, my drive to make it, just doesn't quit! I always know that when all is said and done I will ALWAYS FIND someone WORTHY of eating my food of sharing it with!

But as for her Pea Soup! No matter how PERFECT I AM in the kitchen honoring Grandma's legacy of Perfect, while building onto, and creating and establishing my own Perfect, I'm afraid there is just going to be that 1 OUTSTANDING THING I may NEVER figure out how to learn to Replicate? And that will remain my Grandma's PERFECT PEA SOUP!

But if I ever do figure out her soup, I will definitely be honoring it with that very name! Grandma's Perfect Pea Soup! But her Perfect Pea Soup aside, I can proudly say, by way of being around her and my Mother and watching everything that went on in our kitchens, I have grown up to be able to make everything my Grandma could make with the same level of shared quality and standard that holds true to the pride of the ladies in our family line of cooks!

With 1 learned lesson of a difference in life, that no matter how close what we make is to the same Perfect Grandma and Great Grandma before her quality it might be... that it doesn't replicate a previous perfect, it only passes down and creates a NEW GENERATION OF PERFECT! So by that measure, My Great-Grandma's Perfect legacy, is her own, and My Grandma's Perfect is HER OWN, My Mother's is Her own, and OF COURSE now down to me!

Everything I make with love, passion, care and attention, is MY MAGIC, and therefore MY PERFECT KITCHEN! Which brings me to the end of this portion of story telling about my Perfect Grandma and the pursuit of happiness, and one's own ingrained quality and desire to attain that same incredibly impossible Perfect Standard in ones own life, with these following final words!

Whether at my Mother's dining table or my dining table, you will not and need not miss, my Grandma, or her Mother, because they are with us through what is right there on the table served up for everyone to eat who knows or knew all generations of us, because all generations of us are in every bite, every morsel of pleasure and glory in which we eat!

Like magic at every family gathering or holiday dinner together we are ALL THERE at the same time, ALWAYS and FOREVER, in the good food of all Mom's and Grandma's individual legacies and times of their own, and how it is passed on through the gifted lasting touch it goes on to be shared with down through the ladies in our family line; Generation after Generation in Celebration and Good Times in Life, in our existence past, present and of the Times and World to Come!

And well at the end of the day I really can't think of anything more PERFECT then that! That's Pretty Perfect to me! I will do my best to live on, being as Grandma Perfect as I can be, (remembering my Grandma and all the time I got with her, of which not 1 moment was ever wasted), until the day that it is my turn to be the Grandma, and be that same quality of Grandma Perfect for my Grand-children as my Perfect Grandma was for me! Indeed for the lifetime of observing and learning I've now done, I understand and know it all to just mean this, that it really doesn't get any more Perfect Then That, and what could there possibly be that's better then this? Amen!

(And maybe between my children and their children we will still successfully figure out the secret to my Grandma's Perfect Pea Soup? So we can share in a bond and legacy of our own together in the kitchen, while making sure we are able to continue to share her soup with our descendents for many more generations to come; to thank her in this way for the magic she gave us when she was here with us and now as we cook on in this life (with knowing she is watching over us) and the delicious legacy of the wonderful times spent together around kitchens, dining room tables and food!)

End of this Chapter of the Memoir!!!

Writing by,

Jennifer Cooley!

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