Ego Sum Pt. 1

Marion Trafford had lived what could be described as a simple life. Average. Typical.

His weeks were all the same, consisting of office work - days from nine to five - and weekends that were less than stellar. The man wasn’t one to go out, instead spending weekends tucked away in his own home, skimming through his collection of nondescript novels or watching a typical sitcom. 

He thought about his life rather often, stuck up in his head wondering if there was anything he could do to snap himself out of the monotony, but it felt impossible. 

Marion sat before his office computer, hands resting over his computer keyboard. At the moment, he was supposed to be fixing the code before him, skimming it over to make sure that it was suitable before being sent off to the next developer, but his fingers would not move. Eyes were transfixed on the screen before him, watching the slight static of the screen. The computer felt ancient, yet it was the same model as all of those to his sides. Only the higher-ups received better software.

What a wretched job to have, consistently staring at the screen, creating materials that he would never use, which his hands would never feel again - sifting through the letters and numbers. What a world to live where he could not reap the benefits of his creations.

“Marion!” 

The man jumped in his seat at the random shouting. There was a head leaning over his cubicle, looking him over with a stretched grin and wild eyes. “Hello, Mr. Smith.” 

Mr. Smith rolled his eyes, waving a hand, “What did I say about that, call me Steven. I’m only your manager, not the CEO.” Marion bit his tongue from apologising: Steven had told him before to call him by his given name. “Just came over to check in on you, making sure you’re working hard and not hardly working.” Steven laughed as he spoke the words, the wild look in his eyes not changing at all. 

There was something about that man - he was far too excited to be the floor manager of a nobody software company. Marion had to give it to him, he sure knew how to make a boring life seem worth it. He said a few words back, Steven talked enough for the both of them, so soon enough the other man decided that it was time to disrupt someone else’s workday. 

He shook his head and tried to return to his work, this time typing out lines of code. The minutes passed quickly in that manner, the seconds on the clock ticked on and on without Marion thinking much of it. 

“Marion!”

Brows furrowed as Marion turned his head once more, looking Steven in the eyes. His mouth moved to form words, but nothing would tumble out. “Just came over to check in on you, making sure you’re working hard and not hardly working.” A shock of confusion shot through his chest.

“...Working hard?”

Steven stared him down for a moment, his grin still wide, but no sounds came from him. Silence. Icy fear coursed down Marion’s spine as the man continued to peer into his soul. In an instant, Steven snapped out of his daze and continued on his way, just as he had before. His smile fell to a bored look though - far different from his typical appearance. 

Marion’s eyes tracked the man as he strutted away, fearing that if he stopped looking Steven would appear before him once more, saying the same line with his same over-accentuated grin. As Steven left his vision, he slowly turned back to his computer, trying his best to return to work.

It seemed an impossible feat.

Getting through the rest of the day was agony, a time of panic and confusion. Steven hadn’t returned, but at every moment Marion feared that he would. The experience shouldn’t have freaked him out so much, which was what he told himself as he boarded the bus.  He plopped onto an empty seat, taking a moment to shut his eyes and take a deep breath. There were worse things that could have happened: Steven could have told him he had lost his job, that an even higher-up wanted to speak with him. Steven probably just forgot that he had already spoken to Marion. There were a dozen reasons that were highly plausible and unassuming. 

Light streamed into his vision once more as his eyes fluttered open. He looked blankly in front of him. Marion wished he hadn’t done that.

Three identical individuals were sitting in rows before him -  brown, shoulder-length hair, wearing maroon and white striped shirts. For a split second, Marion thought of the meme posts he had seen online, the ones saying there were “glitches” in the world. They were just memes though, funny coincidences that people saw, some of them were likely staged. 

These women were just a coincidence, brown was a common hair colour, and the cut wasn’t all that rare. They had probably all bought their shirts from the same department store downtown. 

Coincidence. Everything that happened was just a coincidence. 

Still, Marion was relieved as he stepped off the bus, leaving those women behind him. The walk to his home was a few blocks, a distance he would have covered rather fast had he not needed to stop at the grocer's. Even though his mind knew every odd instance that had happened was just happenstance, they were still odd: Marion did not like odd things. 

His life, up until that point, had been average. Marion’s family consisted of himself and his parents - just before he moved out they had adopted a dog. He had graduated with a 3.3 GPA in high school and attended the same state college that many of his classmates applied to. Marion hadn’t even pursued a master’s or anything, going right into work. 

Everything about him was typical. English descent. Sandy blond hair. Grey eyes. Well, maybe his eyes weren’t all that common, but that created no reason as to why everything was so strange.

It had to just be that day, that was what he told himself as he popped into one of the corner stores to buy pasta for dinner. Marion looked at the shelf, the few options present, all in the same unassuming blue cardboard with its clear, plastic hole. He selected a box of penne and made his way to the cash register. 

The exchange with the cashier was typical. The walk down the block was typical. The step into his house was typical. Marion calmed himself: it was just a weird day at work, there didn’t need to be anything else about it. He set his bag on the kitchen table, sifting through it to take out the penne. 

Marion’s brow furrowed as his hand manoeuvred through the bag. The box should have been right on top, he shouldn’t have needed to reach down to the bottom to find anything. Deciding that looking blindly wasn’t helping, he opened the bag wide, letting the kitchen light shine in.

There was no box of pasta awaiting him.

“It must have fallen out. I must not have placed it as well as I thought I did, and it fell out.” He repeated the words to himself, over and over again until they were burning into his mind. Deciding to avoid thinking about it further, he went into his refrigerator, fishing out bread and jam. 

It seemed like dinner was going to be rather boring.

Perfect.

Wednesday, April 13 20–

Today is one in which I would rather not ponder about, for fear that my mind will begin to turn over in on itself. Life has been rather odd - the kind of odd that I would rather forget about. That would be the best solution. The one that will allow me to keep my head.

Steven, it always starts with Steven. A man of his position should know better than to try to induce joy and whimsy into his employees. I know many of us want to sit at our desks undisturbed, continuing with our work with little distraction. If it hadn’t been for him I’m sure the rest of the day would have gone better - leagues better. 

This must all be some sort of elaborate joke from the universe, something that a higher being has instilled to make me shudder at his power. I was never a religious one, but perhaps this is the time for prayer. 

Despite assuring myself that this was all a one-off thing, that tomorrow will return to the same boring monotony that I have grown so used to, I can’t help but believe that it won’t. I fear that I will awake tomorrow to my life once again spinning in circles, my mind doing jumps and flips to figure out what has occurred.

I hope tomorrow will be better.

Marion Tafford