Cycle

Cycle 

By Katherine Aguilar 

Year after year, we get older if we are blessed. If we are steadily blessed, we get to celebrate the moment that we entered this world. We are extremely blessed when others take the time to give or celebrate with us.

Parents celebrate their children even as they get older, because their child will always be their baby, no matter the age. As parents get older, the tide changes, and their child may not remember their birthday or want to celebrate their parents' milestones. As they grow up, they move on to start their own lives and build their own families. This can leave their original parent feeling forgotten and, at times, empty. They replay precious moments from their children's lives in their minds. They wonder whether they were so awful that, in that one day of the year, their children remember they even existed. Children forget those who originally brought them into the world. The parent becomes the burden. 

This is a sad cycle that will happen to anyone—even those without children. 

Being Young

When the spirit of life is in you, and you're married. Smiling at the first smile your child gives you hours after they are born is a moment most parents cherish until the day they die. Capture that love and store it in their heart; they will never know that cherished moment in one of the many moments of their lifetime, which they will reflect on as they grow older and feel less useful to their children, for their children have let them go to begin their own lives. Not all parents are good. I do not wear rose-colored glasses, believing every parent was the best or even around. But that moment after the child is born is when a mother/father. If neither is around, the nurse, doctor, or relative will remember and hold that moment in their heart. For safekeeping, it will rise to the surface before they die, reminding them there was a moment in their lives when love was golden and never taken from them. 

Cycle

The children grow, and the parents celebrate by rehashing old stories with friends and celebrating all their children's successes. Even strangers' parents will share, because they want everyone to know about their child. The next milestone is grandchildren. What a renewed love a parent feels when they have a grandchild. It lets them relive the moment all over again when they were a new parent. One reason grandchildren are spoiled is that their grandparents spoil them.  

This includes people who do not have children. If they wanted a child and a grandchild and it didn't happen. A single person will find a child and adopt them, even if they're not on paper, and give them the love they've wanted all their lives. The child's life will be more attentive and loving with the one who adopted them, because they feel the same. That child would have wanted a parent all their life, and they found one, so it will be very hard for them to let that person go. 

Blood relation does not make you a parent or grandparent. It is the actions in your life, in how you treat the ones who raised you and nurtured you throughout your life, that are the parents who made a person who they are.   

Empty Nesters look forward to the time their children tell them the grandchildren are on the way. It allows them to start all over again. It lets them show the fruits of all the sacrifice they made to make sure their children have what they need to be successful. When their children have no children, they wonder what went wrong. They ask themselves, "Why did they not get the chance to be a grandparent?.  It doesn't last long for that parent to find an adopted grandchild and give them all the love they wanted to give the grandchild who was blood-related. 

Those with no children. I include myself in this paragraph, for I have no children. I am happy with being an aunt. My interactions with children keep me grounded and let me share what I have learned through life with others.

Children

Look for parents, and mostly love their parents is only when the parent switches roles. They become the child because of medical issues, aging, finances. They now become the burden of their children. For the children, somehow, they forget that they, too, will be in the same position their parent was in while raising them. It doesn't register in the child's mind that they, too, will get old and be in the same position their parents will be in if they are blessed to live long enough. ate

Many children end up caring for their parents when they are older, out of love and acknowledgment of what their parents did for them. Many children drop them off at a nursing home and never return. They go on with their lives, and if they do need to see their parent, it is to pick up the body and sign over the will. What a sad state. 

Caregiver 

The children who stay to care for their parents. They stop their lives and let them revolve around their parent. It is a huge role. Imagine you're an adult, and then all of a sudden your life stops being your life and revolves around another's.  

That is what a parent does. That is what a spouse does, and what a child does, when they care for someone else because they realize the sacrifice made for them to get as far as they have in life. 

After a spouse, child, or parent dies. Some say all wounds will heal. They do, but not in the same way. For many looking in from the outside, they do not know.  

They went on with their own lives all that time, not once looking back to see how the parent felt—imagine what burden that was on the person who did the caring. A parent who loses a child never, in their mind,d sees their child grown up. They always see them in that first moment after birth. Spouses in long, fulfilling marriages relive the moment they first fell in love. Children long to relive the moment they first felt their mom and dad's love. Time has passed; those who didn't stay until the end don't miss the moments, for they were theirs all along. 

Adopting

Which brings me to connecting with writing with the story of "The Forgotten Aunt," which happened a short time ago. In The Forgotten Aunt. We as a family adopted Francis as our Grandmother/Aunt. I learned it is pretty easy to find a family in any nursing home across the world, and you can adopt someone and make them a relative. Connecting to my brief writing of "Remembering Oct 12Oct 12ok it as the time to adopt a grandma; her name is Mary. I told Mary, "Tell your husband he just got another granddaughter." We both laughed.  

Learning from people older than you can help make you stronger. Don't walk away from older people so fast just because you are gifted with a long life. You will be in the same position they are. You would want someone to visit and care for you. 

The writing of Cycle comes from a seed planted long ago when I was a child. I wrote about that in "The Abandon Aunt." The message I am sharing now is a sample of that seed.

Posted message of Oct 12

Oct 12: Remembering those who have passed before acknowledges that they existed and made a difference in this world. Today is Mother's birthday. She passed away almost two years ago. To remember her on her birthday. I decided to visit her grave as I began the drive, I changed my mind. Instead, I decided it would be better to visit one of her friends who was nice to her in her final months. I went to see Mrs. Mary at the nursing home where Mother spent her final days.  

So I stopped at Green Tree and bought Spa items. Face mask, nail polish, makeup, and I decided to visit her in remembrance of Mother's birthday. It would be a lasting gift to someone else, which would make the day more meaningful. 

I got to the Nursing home with all my items. Poor Mrs. Mary. She looked to be in pain. But still, I stayed. I said, "Well, Mrs. Mary, since you are not feeling well. I will do your nails, because you are not moving your hands. So your nails and hands can look nice.

I told her I would leave afterward. Well, she loved the color I picked. I told her I was going to visit Johnny's mother's other friend. I told her, Mrs. Mary, since you are not moving your face. I will leave the face mask on your face while I visit Johnny.

Well soon. 

Mrs. Mary was no longer in pain. Her mood changed, and she felt so much better. Before you know it. I was painting her toes, washing her hair, and detangling it. She wanted a haircut. It turned into a challenge. Since Mrs. Mary is a bit big, she loved it. The nurses came in and asked, "Who are you?" "I told them. I am her Granddaughter.

I told them. I was giving her a spa, and I was going to detangle and cut Mary's hair. I asked them for scissors. Mrs. Mary laughed. I told her, "Mrs. Mary, you got another grandchild." I started laughing.

When I finished her hair, I put makeup on her face and took pictures. She loved being pampered.

I think she was feeling a bit down when I arrived. But her spirits were lifted when I left.  

Before I left the nursing home, I visited Johnny. He was another resident who was nice to Mother. I stayed and visited with him a little bit. I was at the Nursing home longer than I thought I would be. But its ok. Mary looked and felt better, and I felt good too. Johnny was happy I stopped by. I told them I would visit them again.

I can say today was spent well. Remembering mothers birthday. Remembering the good things she taught me.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I need a spa. lol.

. 

So my day was active.