Ben Learns About Compliance Officers

Last episode, Ben had started his first day in Compliance. With everything ready for his one-on-one with Tina, Ben was set to dive into the mysterious world of Compliance.

In reality, all Ben wanted to know was when he would get his badge, gun, and license to kill!

Does he succeed? Read on ….

*****

“Hi Ben, did you have a good weekend? What did you get up to?” asked Tina.

“Not much,“ replied Ben. “I just wanted to be ready to 'rock and roll' today. I am so looking forward to this.”

“Ben, we need to go over some basic compliance principles. This is an important role,” Tina said.

“Yeah sure, I realise that; but one question, is everyone in compliance as nasty as Doug?” asked Ben.

“No, he is just under a lot of pressure. There are a lot of things happening now, and we have had a lot of trouble in China; believe me—I know.”

“Yeah, I want to talk to you about that, Tina - what was it like over there?”

“I can’t talk about that at the moment. Maybe one day, but not now since it's still all happening,” replied Tina.

“Let me be honest with you, Ben, Doug thinks you’re an idiot!"

Ben was taken aback. He hadn’t always made the best choices, but he wasn’t an idiot. Still, the phrase “dumb-arse jellybean" from that annoying Calvernicus rang in his mind.

“Well, I must say, Tina, nothing like hitting me right between the eyes. Is that what you guys call compliance induction?”

“You tell Doug I will show him.  I’m no drongo!" said Ben, getting flustered.

“It’s OK, Ben! I am on your side, remember. I am your friend. How do you think Doug agreed to give you a shot at a new career in Compliance? It's my arse on the line as well!” replied Tina.

“Doug wants you to use your background to blend in with the commercial team. He needs you to find out what’s really happening in the company." No one is telling us anything, and if we don’t know what to fix, we can’t fix it.”

“So you want me to be a spy, a snitch, a trumpet player—sorry, whistleblower. A dobber. Do I need a disguise?” asked Ben, starting to get right into the whole spy thing.

“What is a trumpet player and what is a dobber**?” asked Tina.

“Never mind," said Ben, “Once I identify the people that are doing the wrong thing, is that when I arrest them?”

“Ben, you have some serious issues. Is that what you think compliance is about?”

“Well, you're the police, aren’t you?

“No, Ben - exactly the opposite. We are not police. Compliance is everyone’s responsibility. We are the team with the knowledge and skills to set up the right systems and controls. These will support the legal standard."

"We need to show the business that compliance helps increase revenue, builds our reputation, and gives us a sales advantage," Tina said.

At this stage, Ben was starting to regret that he had even brought up the subject. His head was hurting from all this compliance mumbo jumbo. All he really wanted was to use it to get “better acquainted" with Tina.

Of course, if they did give him a badge and a gun, that would change things. At this stage, he would even go for a different-colored ID card.

"Successful and sustainable businesses need an ethical culture and a commitment to compliance," Tina said, stressing her point.

“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” said Ben.

“Behave yourself, Ben; we are working. What we need you to do is get people to speak up and tell us what is wrong, what they do not understand, and what needs to be fixed. Then we can start to make some progress,” added Tina.

“I’ve got it now. I am like a reporter, an undercover reporter, delving into the deep dark depths of compliance. Sure, I can do that! I can get people to 'speak up’.

“Ben, you are hopeless. Love you, but I am beginning to think that Doug is right!”

“Tina told me she loved me, Tina told me she loved me,” said Ben to no one but himself.

“So, when do I get my gun?" asked Ben naively.

Tina shook her head and laughed. If they made it through this, it would be a miracle, but she had to try; she had put herself on the line as well.

“Come on, crazy, time for a coffee. My head hurts from talking to you,” admitted Tina.

Right back at you, thought Ben. I am the champion of the ‘Speak Up’ campaign, not bad for a morning’s work. She said she loved me. Ben kept repeating it in his head, oblivious to anything else.

[A/n: * Drongo: a dope, stupid person; ** Dob (somebody) in: inform on somebody. Hence, a dobber, a telltale, or a snitch.]

Next Episode –Episode 22 (the second last episode in Part II): ‘Ben goes undercover but only after catching a No-bomb from Tina.’

 Till next time,

Calvin