For the love of God, why must everything be difficult for a vagina and its owner? Like the big man upstairs couldn’t throw us a bone even when it came to…boning. I know men have their issues too with impotence, tiny weiners, and premature balding but come on, a majority of young lads require nothing more than a gust of air for their dick to be standing at salute. Then they get to stick it in various holes and get off in a minute or less with very little concentration or concern. Unlike women who have to keep tabs on all their body parts at all times in addition to what’s for dinner tomorrow.
According to a portion of our intelligent society, lesbians are really robots who are programmed to think, look, and act the same. These lethal and contagious gay-bots are traveling the world stealing men’s wives, shaving their heads, and turning them… gay! Okay, I might be embellishing their theory a bit, but at the end of the day what’s the difference, ignorance is ignorance. To anyone who believes that gay women are any different than hetero women (aside from who they are attracted to) or that any of the below myths are true, then please contact me. I will immediately start a GoFundMe account to raise money for your stupid ass to get an education. I may even throw in a free flogging while we’re at it.
We all know how much I love to examine the female mind and it’s insanely complicated thought process. From giving head to receiving oral and making love to fucking, women all around the world are professionals at taking perfectly normal sexual acts and tainting them with selfish thoughts and irrelevant commentary. From cowgirl position to doggy style, we are not lost in our thoughts, but simply multi-tasking.
Divorce sucks, plain and simple. Like any loss in life, divorce is something no new couple likes to think about, consider, or even anticipate. Just imagine that at the start of your marriage you said, “I can’t wait to marry this man and then divorce him 10 years later.” Unfortunately, though, regardless of all the good years and celebrations, some marriages do not survive. While this is sad, sometimes the commitment between two people is better off broken than being forced together.
For avid yogis, yoga can be a physical, mental, and spiritual experience which rivals the feelings you may have during sex, thanks to the release of those happy little endorphins. Since both intimacy and yoga have many similar benefits to offer like stress relief, increased blood flow, and weight loss, how great would it be to join the two. The more yoga you practice the better sex life you can have and the more sex you have the better life will be! Not only does yoga do a body good, but it can also increase concentration, inspire thought, and open your heart, which are all positives if you are single and ready to yoga mingle. So next time you step into that studio full of relaxing music, tight pants, and pretzel-folded bodies, here are a few funny yoga pick up lines that are sure to start a very interesting conversation.