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The Lost World?

by Hani Sarma 7 months ago in history
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It changed into best the 0. 33 day of tuition. I had handiest visible her then, i didn’t recognize anything approximately her, now not even her call! That day the class ended approximately 10 mins in advance. Her car hadn’t but arrived to choose her up, and i used to go through bus. So i just took the opportunity to go as much as her straight and that i asked it: “do you've got any boyfriend?”

The Lost World?
Photo by Ýlona María Rybka on Unsplash

It changed into best the 0. 33 day of tuition. I had handiest visible her then, i didn’t recognize anything approximately her, now not even her call! That day the class ended approximately 10 mins in advance. Her car hadn’t but arrived to choose her up, and i used to go through bus. So i just took the opportunity to go as much as her straight and that i asked it: “do you've got any boyfriend?”

glaringly, she gave me a form of why--such-a-query look.

“no”, she spoke back.

“will you be my girlfriend?”

“i don’t even recognise you”, changed into her respond.

“it doesn’t take lots time to recognise each different”, i said, eagerly looking ahead to an assertive respond.

“okay permit a few days bypass, then we’ll see”, changed into her smiling reply. Like a fool, i simply gave a thumbs up and walked off, that too in the contrary course, handiest to run far from her, why i don’t know, however i wanted to get as far as possible from that awkward state of affairs. Cursing myself for doing such an idiotic factor, i ran and ran and ran some distance away…

in the days that accompanied i got here to recognise her name, she knew my call a few days later, and we became properly pals, or best pals instead. She by no means gave me her variety, she changed into now not on facebook, so the lessons class was our best rendezvous for chatting. She changed into the observe-first-then-others form of female, so we could not communicate whilst sir talked, and whilst sir did not communicate i tried to talk to her. This become simply the starting, in which the boy goals and the lady acts indifferently. Then came the tough days of our lives, of my lifestyles as an alternative, the better secondary and joint front examinations. I did rather badly within the higher secondary, however anyways managed to get selected in one of the many engineering colleges of india. She had the alternative enjoy. She were given 94% in her higher secondary (despite the fact that she stated she changed into not satisfied with the marks), but her front assessments didn’t go that well. Nevertheless she got herself admitted in a decent girls’ university in kolkata. I had to live away from home, and manifestly from her, in bengaluru. My life there took off grandly, i made few actual and beautiful pals there, i, all of a surprising, grew high-quality in studies, and no longer to mention approximately my writing, sure, writing, i had a passion for writing from the very youth. I started writing quick stories, and they were given published on-line as properly, and the part that enthused me the most changed into the reality that i was being paid a pretty correct sum for publishing my testimonies, and moreover, each time something unique became needed to be written, be it online or offline, inner-university stuff or outside-college stuff, i was one of the many contacted, or to be particular, i was one of the few contacted. However the scenario changed into quite exclusive in her case, the state of affairs turned into quite the other instead. She grew horrific – properly, not truly terrible, but deteriorated – in her research, she grew extra suspicious in nature, i. E. She couldn’t trust every person so easily, she grew extra impolite, she wasn’t the same soft-spoken and adorable female that i had known. Due to the mixed impact of her trust hassle and her impolite behavior, she lost many pals, but couldn’t make new buddies. She used to write down very beautiful poems – no, i haven’t read any of them, however i’m quite positive they're stunning – but then, she was so disturbed that she stopped writing poems. However i never lost contact of her. As soon as she came on fb, i became her buddy, and we chatted, ordinary. I gave her some time, the time to understand me – nicely the process was tiring for me, but she become, and still is, in my view, splendor and virtue collectively, some thing not often discovered nowadays. It took her 3 years as a way to believe me, that too in part, even this become a terrific achievement on my component, considering i have become considered one of her genuine pals, and the day she confessed that i was her close pal, i used to be over the moon! Step by step i were given her number, after which chatting become in no way ending. However i don’t recognise why, she could in no way like me extra than a chum, and whenever she said this, my heart could feel empty. My parents stopped speakme generally with me after i flunked the iit front examination. So, i used to be additionally form of by myself. But i by no means lost coronary heart. I stayed with her and tried my quality to cheer her up. She became of the opinion that she will be able to’t love each person due to the fact she turned into weird. Sure, i agree, she turned into virtually bizarre in a few methods which i received’t be citing right here, on account that she would feel awkward then! I wrote memories, especially for her, to make her recognise how lovely and sensible someone she is. My memories soon have become a supply of proposal for her, and, i don’t recognise approximately others, but she waited eagerly for my next tale to come back. The manner she praised me after every story, become really well worth something, and also from a worth man or woman in my existence. Then came the campus interviews. I was one of the top students inside the college, with my cgpa never less than nine. 2. The interview went okay, the profits bundle became first-rate, seventy five thousand rupees a month for the primary six months education in kolkata, then if i prevail to get matters right, my salary will boom manifold to 5 lakhs a month, with posting inside the united kingdom. All this can be granted in return for a 10 hour task everyday, except sundays, and overall concentration on my paintings best. 5 lakhs a year – the engineer laughed in happiness, the writer bled to dying. And she, nicely the closing i could recognise approximately her was that she changed into doing her mba from a few university in kolkata. I don’t know how much me and my testimonies helped her, but she was a satisfied individual again, writing poems, residing thankfully along with her parents and friends…and a boyfriend. I commenced job and inside 5 months only, i used to be referred to as, and sent to london. My relationship with my dad and mom remained unchanged, they didn’t even come to bid me farewell at the airport. On my own, i bid farewell to my hometown, in which pleasure was rare for me. In london, the engineer in me were given the existence he wanted, definitely engrossed in his work, he earned the honour and agree with of his colleagues, funny isn’t it? The author in me couldn’t win the consider of the lady he loved in 5 years, but now, look how without difficulty the engineer is being able to win all people’s accept as true with. I'd have chosen the incorrect avatar at that time, the engineer is the strong one, the writer is just a depressed and sole soul. I was pretty positive, that the entirety that mattered on this global changed into money and power. Love, consider, belief – most of these are just mere emotional lagging, that one has to carry at one factor in his life and dump at a few other point in existence. I soon have become the ceo of my enterprise in a blink of 7 years. I used to be both wealthy and powerful. All become okay, till the day before today. It become in my routine, that ordinary, after work, i would sit inside the nearby park for some time, watching the younger boys gambling soccer there, i sort of tried to relive my early life within the way i desired it to be, however manifestly couldn’t. That day, i was sitting in my ordinary region, with a tumbler hot chocolate in my hand, whilst a fairly acknowledged voice referred to as from beside me, “large guy, eh?”

i seemed up. A barely bearded man, with two eyes shining brightly at the back of a pair of rimless spectacles. He changed into tall and slender, and his hair curly. Judging via his footwear, watch and the bag he carried, he wasn’t genuinely wealthy, as me! His face turned into fully much like considered one of my vintage pals, lengthy lost vintage pals. I stood up and shook his hand, “hi”, i answered, nonetheless going via my list of pals whose faces i remember at the back of my head, “sorry, however i can't recognize you”, i gave up.

“been right here pretty a long time, it appears, your accent completely british bro”, the smiling stranger stated.

“yeah”, i shrugged my shoulders, “seven years at a stretch. Got here right here as just a venture manager, i’m the ceo right now”, i advertised.

“anything, it’s a shame that you could’t nonetheless don't forget me”, he stated in a taunting tone.

“well, i’m very awful in these guessing games, ”, i was then getting annoyed slowly.

“k, wait, do you remember…”, he advised me her name, sure, she, whom i proposed twelve years returned, after a few damn tuition in a fair extra damned town, whom i cyber stalked for almost 5 years, for whom i wrote memories, whom i…

“searching startled brother?” the stranger endured, “now i guess, you consider me.”

“her boyfriend?” i made a guess.

“turned into”, he spoke back, “her fiance now.”

now he shrugged his shoulders, and i, sure i, the ceo of my enterprise, the rich me, the powerful me, the proud me, went blank for a moment, my mind went totally 0, the whole lot around me were given paused, were given muted. I felt a sharp pinch in my heart. Nonetheless, seven years inside the corporate global did train me a way to get better myself from unwanted situations. I pressured a grin, and an excellent greater forceful “congratulations” became thrust up my throat. He blushed.

“so what are you doing here?” i asked.

“oh, my e-book has been in the top 3 of the best vendor list here for the closing three months, in order that they called me here to felicitate me, and she or he and i have decided to calm down here handiest after getting married.”

we sat down after that. We conversed for a long time, however highly i can’t recall what he said, or what i answered, all that i ought to do not forget, changed into a face, the lovely face of a 18 year vintage lady, honest, oval, deep darkish eyes, a extensive forehead, her hair playing all over her face within the wind. I ought to even odor her fragrance! All i could do not forget, after straining my thoughts turned into of him telling me “concentrate, day after today is her birthday, and i need to present her a surprise, you recognize a marvel as a way to really surprise her, and what could be a extra marvel than placing you up in front of her. I'm sure she’s going to faint on seeing you, in any case, you had been her truest buddy when you wanted her the most.”

i came lower back home and questioned. Yes, i was there when she needed me the most, but became she there once i needed her the maximum? I felt sad, after an extended long time, or to be even greater particular, i felt the way it felt to be sad. However i lifted myself up, i must be happy with myself, how i became successful, mostly on my very own accord, with out a body by means of my facet. But, in the end those attempts to raise my spirits up, i felt type of defeated, of what, or by what, i had no concept, however truly i felt defeated. That night i called my mom after a protracted hole, our courting turned into just constrained to my sending a handsome quantity to my dad and mom at the begin of each month, but at that point, i wanted something more, i desired to talk, informally. The telephone simply rang away. I didn’t visit office nowadays. I awoke overdue, or alternatively i woke up early, as usually, however i stayed past due on mattress. I in no way do that. However today i lied on bed till midday. I felt glad. After all, i'd be meeting her today after such a lot of days. I saved on considering what i would say to her, what to put on, what to do, the way to set up myself in front of her, what to present her, what to say and what now not to, but in reality, the pleasure of meeting her once more became so strong that i could not even positioned my mind together to think. I were given my first-class in shape, really worth seven-hundred pounds, offered an high priced gift, a showpiece, offered the first-class champagne available in london, i took my porsche along, i decided to hold the keys inside the front desk of her house, in order that she may want to realize my position now, so that she would feel responsible of selecting the incorrect man or woman as her existence companion. I reached their place at around 6 in the evening, using a porsche. Well, i need to say, the area wherein they live, you'll rarely name it an higher magnificence region, it was all so shabby and cold, the roads had been narrow, and the way the people dressed there, it became truely a totally middle elegance region. I stored my vehicle in this type of position in order that she will be able to see and respect it. I knocked at the door. She opened it. She couldn’t apprehend me first, but i did.


this was my response on seeing her. I need to point out here i fought clearly difficult to hold returned my tears. She went on a shock as nicely, she stood spellbound on the door along with her arms capped on her mouth. She jumped on me and hugged me. I remembered how it feels to be hugged. I held her in my fingers, for the ones few seconds i wasn’t a dweller of this planet, i used to be some place else, somewhere a long way far from these kinds of din and tension and pollution, i went to somewhere pure. Humorously i take into account, i usually wanted to hug her in early life. It became a small condominium, enough for 2 young enthusiasts even though.

“i told you, i have a wonder for you”, her fiance chuckled.

“oh, i love you so much”, she stated and collapsed in his arms. A rusted knife pierced my heart.

“we are getting married”, she said, smiling from his arms.

“yeah, i understand”, i stated, combating my tears lower back, “he informed me.”

i sat at the best couch inside the room, they took chairs, however they sat aspect by aspect.

“truly, do you put on formals everywhere?” she requested me.

“oh no” i attempted to snort, “i had workplace.”

“office, office everyday. How do you control it?” he requested me. There were a whole lot of motives, the most important being that i get paid there. However i don’t realize why i couldn’t say something in front of them. I just smiled again. I remembered approximately my automobile keys, how i have practiced to hold them in front of them. I positioned my hand in my coat, felt the bloodless contact of the keys, but couldn’t take them out.

“you need to take off your coat. It’s clearly warm right here.”

i opened the coat and loosened my tie.

“is that for me?” she requested looking on the wrapped box in my hand.

“oh yeah”, i said, “i nearly forgot about it.”

i gave it to her, she opened it. “oh it’s so great of you!” i smiled. “but in which is my chocolate?” she asked, as she got up and placed it at the shelf, along with a few other showpieces.

“chocolate?” i asked, careworn, noticing how atypical my six thousand pound miniature statue of the haghia sofia appeared beside the opposite cheap gadgets round.

“yeah, how can you neglect? Bear in mind, you used to offer me candies on my birthday, in youth.”

“oh i am sorry, i was too busy definitely”, i lied, “wait i’ll order some for you right away.”

“no need for that, he has already were given masses of them for me”, she said smiling in the direction of her fiancee. “have you ever given him a book yet?”

“ah, sorry, wait”, he went internal and came returned within seconds with a rectangular packet in his hand. I opened it:

the black and purple global

it had the photograph of an eye fixed, just a watch, on the the front page.

“it’s actually satisfactory”, i said, “at the least the the front is pretty attractive.”

“you’ll love studying it”, she stated, as he blushed beside her, “this story of his made me recognise how lucky i am, he actually helped me to pop out of all my depressions and concerns.”

“so my tales didn’t, proper?” i screamed interior my damaged self, however outside i disguised my feelings with a fab composure decorating a smiling face.

“what’s it about”, i asked him.

“it’s approximately a boy, shehzad, who lost his eyes and his mother and father in an twist of fate, however nevertheless is going on to live his dream, of travelling round the world, and assembly distinct humans, and experiencing the special adventures of existence. It basically revolves around his childlike innocence and indomitable spirit.

“and wager who recommended the identify, my dear fiancee” he stated as they kissed each different. The knife changed into twisting itself in my heart then.

“well, now not in reality”, she stated, “i just modified it a chunk. He idea of the titling it the unseen international. But then i notion of adding some shades to it, and black and red, the ones are the simplest shades which you can truly see if you are blind.”

“you are nonetheless the same”, i said out of nowhere, “do not forget the way you used to assist me title my stories in our university days.”

“i am an awful lot greater shrewd and mature than both of you taken together”, she chuckled. “by means of the way, how are you doing?” she requested me. My eyes went all wet in a flash, it were ages since anyone asked me how i was doing.

“all very first-class and suitable”, i attempted to be everyday, “quite correct truly, i am the ceo right now of my corporation, were given a brand new apartment, very spacious, 4. 1 million euros, were given a new car”, i pointed to my porsche outdoor, “existence’s been smiling at me”, i laughed.

“oh ho!” she sounded disenchanted, “no longer these, you fool, i am asking approximately your dreams, keep in mind? Author, globe-trotter and having a loving and delightful lady friend or wife?”

“yes”, i didn’t recognize what to say, “i’ve been running on those, in no way left them aside.” now, this become the biggest lie of my existence, i had absolutely forgotten approximately them. She gave me a you-can’t-lie-to-me look, and said “see, you’ve been right here for the final five years…”

“seven”, i interrupted her.

“yeah, seven, anything, and you’re wealthy so glaringly you've got been around europe at the least by way of now, why don’t you write about europe then? I'm able to even recommend you a identify, europe via an indian eye. How’s it?”

“oh please prevent which includes this eye element anywhere”, her fiance stated.

“shut up!” she stopped him, “in reality i've a higher concept”, she became to me, “you can have a total quantity of books, books about the locations you visited, and name it the sector thru an indian eye.”

“no, i think he ought to call it saare jahaan hello achha, you know, diverting from saare jahaan se achha.” her fiance recommended.

“no, it sounds very cliche”, she argued. They went on suggesting names for my e book, and updating them! I just sat there quietly, it made no rattling experience in any respect, they have been just wasting their time. All nowadays that i’ve stayed here, i’ve been to big apple two times, and once to each of washington dc and singapore, but enthusiastic about process reason. It became all a totally critical element for them, and a comedy for me!

“and what about your quick stories? You used to write down brief tales, right? Otherwise you used to say, i write diaries”, she stated imitating me.

“diaries?” her fiance requested.

“yes”, she stated, smiling at me, i pressured a grin returned, “you see, he has this precise skills, of entering into someone else’ existence, like, form of, transforming himself into that character, and write approximately the emotions of that man or woman, a few pages, or on occasion just a single web page of that individual’s diary. And agree with me, he expresses emotions so nicely, i can’t let you know, you won’t recognize till you study it yourself. He's a excellent writer.”

“i can’t write anymore”, my heart shouted out, and all i confirmed became only a shy smile.

“won’t you display him your preferred birthday gift?” he instructed her.

“oh, yes, i almost forgot”, she stated, selecting up a document from the table, “see this. He gave to me yesterday middle of the night.”

what? I thought, a file for a birthday present? I suppressed my laughter, what can be interior it? A story? This man is obsessed, actually, i thought and laughed, at the same time as out of doors i wore a severe look. I opened it. Sure, it changed into a story with the name the girl who doubted.

“every other tale”, i laughed.

“yes, guess on whom?” she stated, she become laughing too.

“on a specific female, who doubts very plenty”, i laughed once more.

“and do you realize any this sort of woman?” she asked.

“properly, allow me assume”, maximum of my childhood buddies had been erased from my reminiscence, the few that remained weren’t that doubting, and my colleagues, no, never, they may be all pretty cool, then who, i searched, straining my brain hard, my frowning eyes fell on her, sitting proper in the front of me, the woman who doubted, or instead, the girl who couldn’t trust, the female who took 3 years to consider me, to just accept me as one in every of her true friends. Slowly, my frowning face took a flip toward being an astonished face. She commenced smiling, this smile was a great deal an awful lot greater in comparison to that smile, which she showed when she noticed my gift, this smile was lots more dear, lots greater cherished, this become from the internal self, this became a smile of pride, a grin of love. For a second, i felt extremely happy for her. I smiled too, and returned her the record. She stored it again on the shelf, beside my miniature haghia sofia. Now, it regarded honestly peculiar beside the cherished and cherished matters around it.

“gained’t you examine it? You’ll locate a number of your early life memories in right here” her fiance said.

“positive, i can”, i spoke back as i were given up, “however i don’t need to intervene in some thing which is absolutely yours, and yours”, i said searching at her.

“are you leaving?” she requested me.

“yes”, i stated as i walked closer to the dining table, in which my champagne changed into saved. I took it and went to the door.

“what befell? Is some thing incorrect? Did i say some thing?” her fiance looked worried, so did she.

“no, actually, i also never preferred this champagne very lots. I added it, simplest to…”, i didn’t recognize, however i had started out to cry, i wasn’t used to this, crying, all my efforts to act everyday went in vain.

“handiest to what?” she asked, there was that identical old care and affection in her voice. I wasn’t used to this too, care and affection, no one has spoken to me with those two special emotions for a while. It got out of my control, i began literally commenced crying, she got here and held me in her fingers, i longed for this moment, from that very lessons day, it all went like a flash in front of me…

“do you have got any boyfriend?” “no.”

“will you be my girlfriend?” “i don’t even realize you.”

“it doesn’t take a great deal time to recognize every other.” “okay allow a few days bypass, then we’ll see.”

“those few days have surpassed”, i told her in a choking voice, “however perhaps i don’t recognize myself as but”, pronouncing this, i ran, ran away from her, like i did that day, nothing modified, i wanted to run from her, from that awkward situation, run as a long way as viable, i ran, don’t understand which way, my coat stayed in conjunction with my automobile keys at their place, my car stayed parked in front of them, i simply ran…

i lower back home late at night, i used to be all white due to the bloodless outdoor, i drank that disgusting champagne full. My extensive spacious rental appeared so small and meager. I sat on my gentle and comfortable couch, yet it didn’t do any excellent to consolation me. I nonetheless felt defeated, no, not by way of her fiance, but via my personal damn self, i've defeated myself, within the hunt for happiness, i had killed the matters that might really give me the real happiness of lifestyles. These days as i noticed her fiance as an established author, with the affection of his life, who additionally cherished him returned with complete loyalty, and their probabilities of traveling around the arena, i didn’t feel jealous, however i felt broken, blue, as at one point in lifestyles, i wished to be at that very role. Those days, which i considered to be the awful days of my life, have been in proper experience, the good days, and the manner i'm residing these days, in the midst of simplest cash and electricity, with no person to speak to, completely on my own, these are the awful. Some of these cash and energy and massive empty homes and automobiles are just opium in my life. I went to my balcony, the whole metropolis glistening within the blackness of the night time pounced on me. I found out i've come to be just some other burden on this already populated and jammed world. But i realize, i am not this. I'm a person else, but glaringly now not the individual i am proper now. I've executed a first rate mistake with myself, so one can gain reward and admire, i've placed myself in a hard knot. However if you want to attain those faux praises and respects i've somewhere, in life, dumped my very own skills, my own very self is lost on this crowd. I had come to be some other shehzad, like in her fiance’s book, only with out that indomitable spirit. Mine is a black and white existence best, without any coloration. All i want is now to leap forward and open myself up, communicate out something is there in my heart. I will stay the existence i want to. I will pick my very own way of dwelling, like i as soon as desired, full of adventure, my street of existence isn't instantly, it's far curved, however it's far mine, it's far how i select to make it. I'm able to stroll these roads till the cease, there are not any knots here, there is handiest freedom. Sure, i am someone else, i am no longer what i am proper now, i haven't any limit, my imaginations are free, i am my very own amusing, i'm my very own sunshine. I'm the one i select to be. I've misplaced many things up to now in my lifestyles, i have lost my writing capabilities, i've lost my love, however now, i don’t have some thing left to lose, i'm a person without a care in the world, i can be fearless without a doubt, i'm fearless, in fact, and being fearless is the nice way to be free. My vice-president’s text broke my trance. It was a reminder approximately the presentation that i needed to positioned up in office these days, and he also brought that, if this presentation went proper the organization could be gaining a big sum, so will i, and he has complete religion in me that i'm going to tug it off beautifully. I opened my laptop, and sat to put together the presentation. No sleep, excessive strain, an entire bottle of a maximum disgusting champagne and all that went over me the day past, made my head heavy. I stared at the display screen for a while, then, almost robotically, a blank phrase web page opened in front of me. I sat, staring at the clean white screen, taking into account some thing to jot down. As usual i couldn’t think about any nice identify. So, after thinking loads, for almost the beyond hours, a thoughts blowing name popped up in my head. I typed it down in formidable:


About the author

Hani Sarma

I am a Writer

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