Best Bikini Bodies, Part 5

On Vocal you can pour your heart into writing a piece of science fiction, or you can bang out a hot girl listicle, again. I've decided to join in with the philistines.

This is part of an ongoing attempt to write the definitive best bikini list. You will probably be able to follow the plot, but to be safe you might want to review the previous lists:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Billie Eilish

The moody singer was originally known for wearing baggy, form hiding clothing, leading to presumptive body shaming. We can see from this shot though that she has nothing to hide. Just hope the tensile strength on that top is up to the job.

Gillian Anderson

I loved X-Files back in the day, though now the concept of "scientist is always proven wrong by a conspiracy theorist" seems less fun. In an amazing career move, Anderson is pivoting to selling extremely horny sodas.

Angie Griffin

I can't seem to pin down exactly how old Griffin is because there are conflicting reports, but she seems to be about 40. There are also conflicting reports about her bust size, which is certainly enormous.

Monica Bellucci

Italian bombshell Bellucci is known for films such as The Ages of Love, where she plays a stripper, How Much Do You Love Me? where she plays a prostitute, Shoot 'Em Up, where she plays a prostitute, and Brotherhood of the Wolf, where she plays a prostitute. Makes it kind of unfortunate that she also portrayed Mary Magdalene, a woman who was probably unfairly labeled a prostitute.

Gal Gadot

Only a complete hack would take a bikini photo of Gadot and caption it "Now there's a a Wonder Woman!"

Tila Tequila

Tequila was a kind of a trailblazer by being one of the first people to become famous for just being a hot girl on social media. Friendster made the error of kicking her off and then she invited her followers over to MySpace, possibly changing the nature of social media in the process. "Pre-Tila, your MySpace friends were mostly people you actually knew. Post-Tila, the biggest game on the site became Who Has the Most Friends, period, whoever they might be."

Lights

The list needed a heavily tattooed girl in the mix. Filling the roll nicely is Canadian indie-electronic alt-rock-pop musician Lights. She's also a comic book author and tattoo artist.

Ariel Winter

Winter got us the answer to the question no one was asking: How much was the media going to write about a teenager's breast reduction surgery?

The answer was a whole lot. Like, everyone had to comment. Or, everyone had to mention it at least once. I could go on...

Maria Fernanda

Oh, she-of-impossible-curves. The Brazilian cosplayer who goes by the handle Fegalvao never met a cosplay she didn't want to do a bikini version of. Bless her heart.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

We all fondly remember the film Splitting Heirs, the British royalty succession comedy. Just kidding, you've never even heard of it. Here's why it's notable: Esquire named Catherine Zeta-Jones the most the most beautiful woman on the planet in 2003. Zeta-Jones appeared bikini bound in Splitting Heirs, a full decade before that.

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Here is the un-cropped photo of Sarah Hyland.

This is an on going project. Is there a name that should be on the list that isn't? Let me know. Be sure to check the other previous editions:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Or don't let me know. Let me wander the void, making a futile attempt to complete this list on my own. Either way works.