🔥 A Day Without Diablo Sauce is like Hell Without Satanshine 🔥

WARNING: The Story You Are About to Read is True.

The names weren't changed to protect the innocent. 🤷‍♂️ Sue me.

So a while back (technically it was four years ago), I went to Taco Bell, as usual, and ordered my Nacho Fries Supreme, as usual. And, naturally, I wanted my Diablo sauce.

As usual.

As fate would have it, I was informed that not only did they not have Diablo sauce, but the window lady intimated that it could be a citywide shortage!!

.... or even worse!!!

Is this the beginning of the End? Are we in the Land that Time Forgot? This is one of the signs of the Apocalypse, isn't it? Something like: 🎼🎵🎶 "first comes Covid, then comes Loss, then comes Scarcity of the Diablo Sauce."

Did you know Taco Bell is the Fresh Place? 🤭 I'm not making this shit up! This a True Story, remember, stated right at the top. Taco Bell is the Fresh Place! Check it! !👇

I'm old enough to recall that commercial ☝️ from when it originally aired. 🤷‍♂️ I remember when there were no Taco Bell sauces! And then it became a binary choice: Mild Sauce and Hot Sauce.

-*(no picture inserted here because I have none of this wimpy shit in the house)*-

The difference in Hot & Mild? The labeling, basically. There was (is) no difference in the taste.

You know how they started putting little slogans on the sauces? The slogan for Hot Sauce should be: "This one's for pussies!"

Hot, schmot. There's no real heat there.

But from those dark, savage, bygone days... the world slowly evolved. Finally: Fire. 🔥 And again, clearly thinking Americans are total pussies, Fire sauce was originally for a limited time and then went away. The Taco Bell Head Honchos thought we couldn't handle it. (Head HONCHOS 👈 see me flaunting my knowledge of Spanish there! 😁)

Eventually Taco Bell made Fire sauce a permanent choice.

And the world was better for this!

Obviously.

But then.... then we moved into a Brave New World. Unlike the black-and-white (all white) existence of long ago, well— we now have double the choice our older selves had! Four! Count them: four options.

DIABLO SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!

And yummy yummy yummy, this stuff finally was good for a cheap endorphin rush! Finally, a real heat factor for my cheap ground-up buzzard-meat. (God, how I miss Meximelts!!! 😭😭)

Check out the ingredients for a knockoff version of Diablo sauce, courtesy of the internet.

• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 2 tbsp unsalted butter
• 6 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
• 1 serrano chile, stemmed, seeded and roughly chopped
• ½ yellow onion, small, roughly chopped
• 1 tbsp dark red chile powder
• 2 tsp brown sugar, packed
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 16 oz tomatoes, (1 can), crushed
• Kosher salt, to taste
• black pepper, freshly ground, to taste

An old girlfriend of mine used to call it "Satan sauce."

The world was waaaaay better for that! This is the long-awaited stuff that is finally hot enough to actually mask the taste of the food!

!🤯🤯🤯!

Brilliant!!!

And now they tell me (technically they told me four years ago; this all comes back to me now because of a Facebook memory that popped this week) that it's all gone?!?!

😮

This is the beginning of some backward slide, isn't it— some de-evolution of society? Do you think aliens are behind this? Or the Russian mob? Is this a precursor to Armageddon?

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ALL THE DIABLO SAUCE!!!??!?!???!!!!

So what do you think?

Tell me in the comments!

Was there a shortage (outage) where you live (four years ago?) Did Diablo sauce mysteriously vanish from your local Taco Bells (four years ago? 😉)

Do you have other current shortages in your area as dire as this one (was)?

Aren't Taco Bell horror stories just the worst?

This post ☝️ should actually be in the Comedy Community.

Oh wait— Vocal has no Comedy Community.

Doesn't it really suck ass that Vocal won't make a Commitment to Comedy?

Vocal, if you're listening, I'll run a Comedy Club for you and I'll only ask for a (very) high five-figure salary for my satirical expertise.

⚡😁👍

Hit that heart button at the top for me and I'd be grateful. Subscribe for more forthcoming wackiness. I thank you for your support!

____Lightning Bolt