The Bag - The Girl
A Story Every Day in 2024 May 16th 137/366
This story is a continuation of The Bag and The Bag - Jason's Dilemma, where suggestions from readers steer me towards the next instalment. You may want to read those to have context.
*
He doesn't remember who I am. As I left the bag on the train; as I looked directly at him as he banged on the window; as he's facing me right now at the doors to the train.
He has no idea.
I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. Every time I see him, it drains me that little bit more.
I don't know why I feel so connected to him. Maybe because he was there, that night at The Skewered Apple. Maybe because I can sense that he is the sort of person who wants to do the right thing. Maybe because I think he is reachable.
I thought it would be easier than this. I thought I was so clever but appears not. If I hadn't thought of leaving the bag, I don't think he'd have noticed me at all. I've been hanging around him since it happened. Him and the other guys. The others don't have an ounce of intuition between them; Man's meant to have evolved. Don't make me laugh. Actually, do. Do make me laugh. I would love to be able to laugh.
I wonder if he's looked in the notebook? I gave him a big clue there. Mentioned him by name. And the receipts? I wonder if he's looked at those at all. Although, to be fair, he hasn't had the bag for long: my bag.
I thought I had a memorable face. Obviously not. Perhaps if I could speak to him, he might remember my voice from that night. From the bar. It might set a spark alight and cause a trail, like those in Westerns or cartoons, leading to the barrel of gunpowder and causing this whole thing to blow apart.
Because that's what I want. I want this whole thing to be scattered and the pieces to be found and placed back together into a coherent picture so that I can be found. Because I don't like being lost. I don't like where I've found myself.
I want out. And I think that Jason is the man to help me. But I think he needs something more - like another sign.
But what?
***
366 words
So, this is the voice of the girl but who is she and what happened to make her think that Jason can help her?
Love to hear what you come up with and looking forward to reading what this sparks for you.
Thanks for stopping by! If you do read this, please leave a comment as I love to interact with my readers.
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More stories from Rachel Deeming and writers in Fiction and other communities.
A Walk in the Woods
The wide open spaces were calling to her. The linear orderliness of blocks with their rectangular form and regimentation were starting to literally box her in. She felt cramped, encroached upon, her colour bleached by the drudge and the drain of city living.
By Rachel Deeming17 days ago in Fiction
Comments (9)
Love the image of the spark following the gunpowder back to the barrel. Tickles my Looney Toons fancy ;)
At first I thought this was going to be a tale of revenge… but then she wants Jason to help her. Hooked!!! Hurry up and write the next instalment already!
Whatever it is that happened at the bar, she doesn't seem to hold it against Jason, but it must have been something harrowing for her and incidental to him. The first place my mind goes is the worst, what happened to poor Cheryl Ann Araujo in 1983, a fictonalized version of which was portrayed by Jodi Foster in "The Accused" in '88; but I just don't see something that awful not ringing any bells for Jason here. It would be pretty absurd if he didn't remember her face after that situation, and equally absurd if she didn't hold it against him! Another angle is something totally off the wall, as we might see in a novel by Gene Wolfe, one of the great authors of magic realism. That frees you to go anywhere with it. The thing about something like this, though, is that if I make any specific suggestions, it will spoil the surprise. So I offer what I said above as something to rule out, as it won't fit the narrative you've so far built. Otherwise: surprise us! I know it will be, like this one, well-wrought!
Oh my, that is an enticing set up! I mean, my brain is going nuts. I feel like she could be some kind of secret agent, but not really like one county's agent spying on another, more along the "clandestine body of weirdos taking on the world" type of situation.
Very curious about the seemingly sinister thread that links these two! Maybe a combination of her voice with a certain phrase that jogs his memory of their first encounter
You’ve reached full blown narrative rocking mass, with this one, Rachel. I know our job is to help you steer, but I’m loving what your doing with it so much I’m afraid of wrecking the ride!
Are they connected through a virtual reality story? Could that explain how she arrived before he did? She wants out of the story and figures he is the only one likely to help them both escape back to reality? He’s obviously a caring person.
Whoaaa, so they've even spoken before but Jason doesn't recognise her at all and that's truly heartbreaking. I really wanna know who is she!
And interesting twist now that we are in the girl's mind. I'm genuinely out of ideas for what could happen next. Will keep munching on popcorn and keep an eye on what others may come up with.