Stay Safe from Narcissists: Knowledge is Power

Leaving a relationship with a narcissist for good is liberating. You went through hell, you figured things out, you are well aware of the abuse you went through, and you’re done. I think the scariest part of having been a victim of a narcissistic predator is knowing these personality types are out there, disguised as normal men/women.

One who has suffered severe and/or long-term narcissistic abuse will likely experience symptoms of PTSD, having been broken down and deeply traumatized in ways one can never know unless it was their experience. Much like going through a war. It leaves you physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually different than you were before. Narcissistic abuse changes you.

That being said, although we may never be exactly as we were before the abuse, we can heal. We can recapture our sense of self; our inner-being that remains true despite the trauma.

Cognitively understanding narcissistic abuse is imperative. Once you understand what a narcissistic personality is, you have a basis of knowledge to help you come to terms with what happened to you. Knowledge is power.

Narcissists are all frauds. They are all quite the same, playing the same twisted games, with the same bag of tricks, to different degrees, while still having the same fundamental underlying ego issues that lead to such predatory, evil acts of behavior. To know one is to know them all.

This is not to say that one cannot be victimized by more than one narcissist. It happens. But the more you can learn about and recognize narcissistic behavior, the greater your chances are of not going too far down the rabbit hole of manipulation.

Always trust your instincts. Instincts and intuition act as an internal guard dog. When something feels off, or not right for some reason, it likely is. Never forget what you have learned.

I will share a story about a man I dated long after having ended and come to terms with my previous toxic relationship with a narcissist.

I met this new guy at a friend’s Halloween party. He told my friend that he liked me and wanted to ask me out on a date, which he did, and I said yes. A few days later we met for lunch. We had a nice time. He seemed really stressed; high-strung. But I figured maybe he was just nervous or having a day; whatever.

After that first date, he began to call and text several times a day. He was always really calm. Now I have to wonder if he was trying to match my demeanor.

Anyway, at that point, I did not necessarily mind all the attention from this handsome new man. I wanted to get to know him, but slowly. He wanted to text all day. It was a lot.

I noticed he came on really strong. But I liked him, so I remained cautiously optimistic.

He would call me when he was at the grocery store to ask if I needed anything. When he wanted to get together on Halloween and I told him I had to take my daughter trick-or-treating, he asked if he could tag along.

So, he met my daughter. He met a few of my friends. They all liked him. But things were moving really fast.

Again, I remained cautiously optimistic. He seemed too good to be true.

He seemed to want to be involved in all aspects of each other’s lives. But it was so soon. He had recently opened up a barber shop, which he insisted I come by and see. He was in the market to buy a house. He would send me pictures of the ones he liked and asked what I thought. He would make cute little comments about us living there together.

In the back of my head, I knew this was all moving way too fast. But then, I would convince myself maybe my time had come and I finally found my dream guy. He really was way too good to be true.

And as it turned out- it wasn’t true.

Just as fast and hard as he came on, he went off. We had a tift one day. He had told me earlier in the day that he was coming over. As I mentioned, he wanted to see me all the time. I actually was starting to get used to it. So, I made dinner and waited.

He never showed up, nor called me, which was unusual. So, at 7 pm I called him. He denied having said he was coming over today. And a little argument played out, because I insisted he had said that earlier. The conversation was rather frustrating. When we hung up, there was still a cool air between us.

Things stayed tense for the next two days. Somewhat of a silent treatment, with just a few sprinkles of communication, but it felt different. He was pulling away.

Then he broke up with me by text message. It was rather brief: I don’t think we should see each other anymore. His words stung. He did not want to talk about anything or try to work it out. We’d had one small issue and he was breaking up with me.

It was as if he had completely changed overnight and there was nothing I could do about it. I started to wonder how could I be so foolish?!

Not only did he coldly, abruptly break up with me, but he trashed me to our mutual friend. He said I was crazy, argumentative, immature, etc. I was shocked, thinking what the fuck is this guy’s problem?!

And then, it all clicked. All those red flags that I naively ignored. He was a narcissist, no doubt about it. I am so glad I had the awareness to recognize the signs, even though I admittedly willfully ignored them. I did not go down the rabbit hole into terror and trauma.

Instead, it was a brief life lesson to always trust my intuition.

Here’s the thing- narcissists are out there; these toxic, manipulative personalities exist. They don’t come with a cautionary label across their forehead reading: narcissist. Unfortunately, you just have to figure it out.

Learn what you can about narcissistic personality disorder. Make good use of your past experiences to help lead you out of harm's way in the future. Trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. And most of all, forgive yourself for not knowing then what you know now. Abuse is never your fault.