NPD Post-Discard: Grandiose, Illogical, and Violent

Narcissists have a delusional expectation of undying eternal loyalty, regardless of how disloyal and abusive they have been to you! Regardless of the relationship status that they actually chose! The narcissist actually expects marital loyalty, months/years after they broke your heart and discarded you.

The narcissist makes it clear that they do not want you anymore. But then sabotages any chance you have of moving on.

Understand that the narc does not want you to be happy- with them or without them. They do not want you to move on with your life after the discard. They want you to be eternally miserable, just like them.

Like every other aspect of being in a relationship with a narcissist, nothing makes any sense. The narc’s behavior after the breakup is equally as confusing and distressing as the relationship was.

I will share a story of how my ex narcissist attempted to interfere with me moving forward after the breakup, in which he treated me worse than shit, dragged my name through the mud, and discarded me.

He callously discarded me. We went two months without talking. Naturally, I thought we were a closed chapter. But I was wrong. As soon as I met someone else, the narcissist reappeared, fuming full of fiery rage.

I used to bartend part-time at an upscale local establishment. It was close to home. I had good relationships with the owners and the local patrons.

One who was a good-looking single guy, my age, nice guy. He showed a lot of promise and I was interested. After all, I was young and single. I had been through an ordeal of drama and grief with my ex narcissist. But that was over. So, why not get to know someone? I was well within my right.

This new guy, we will call Dan, came into the tavern to visit me regularly. We got along great. We were obviously attracted to each other and were slowly getting to know one another. He would come in after work. We would laugh and talk.

At that time, it had been two months since my ex narc had discarded me. I had not heard a word from him. I figured that psycho relationship was over and honestly, what a relief. But then…

One Friday, as I was extremely busy with the afterwork crowd, smiling, and conversing light-heartedly, as I always did.

Unexpectedly, my ex narcissist burst into the tavern. My nervous system went off like a 5 alarm fire.

I immediately began to shiver, as he took a seat at the bar and observed the crowd. He asked me for a beer. I said, “no, you shouldn’t be here. I am working. Please go.”

He began to badger me, asking me which one of these guys is my new man. His voice was harsh with rage. His demeanor was intense and terrifying.

I repeated, “I am at work. I am not going to do this with you here or now. Please go.” And I walked away, trembling.

I tried to carry on, serve customers, and resume conversations, many of which were with Dan. I felt my ex’s cold stare. I felt his dark energy. I was scared.

Dan asked me if that was my boyfriend staring at him. I replied, “no, we broke up.” Dan said, “well, maybe I can take you out on a date sometime.” I smiled and said, “that would be nice.”

My ex jumped up and came over to where Dan was sitting and said, “aren’t you going to introduce me to your new boyfriend?” with rage in his eyes.

I said, “no. I don’t have a boyfriend”, reminding him that I was no longer with him, I was single, therefore free to talk to whomever I please.

My ex stood uncomfortably close to Dan, still visibly seething. Dan’s eyes got wide, as he shifted around in his seat. Dan then excused himself and got up to go to the restroom. My ex followed him.

A few minutes later Dan came back from the restroom, holding his jaw, and said that my ex had attacked him.

My ex had followed him into the bathroom and told him, “you are not going to f#ck her!” To which Dan replied, “what are you talking about?!” And apparently, my ex grabbed him, provoking a fight. Dan resisted, tried to get around him. And my ex hit him.

After Dan told me that, I went into a full-blown anxiety attack. I grabbed the phone and told my ex if he did not leave right this minute, I was going to call the police.

My ex sat down at the bar, smugly stared at me, and said, “go ahead. I’ll put you in jail. I’ll have you fired. You want to go, bitch?!”

As if he had all of this magical power. And as if I deserved any of this.

I called the police. They came and escorted him out. Dan did not press charges. I had to tell the bar owners what had happened. And they were shocked because they had only seen my ex’s mask, pretending to be the bartender’s great boyfriend. They thought we had had an amicable breakup because I did not air my dirty laundry out at work and tell everyone the truth. Plus, I didn’t really understand it myself, at that point.

Needless to say, this was a nightmare of a day. My ex’s behavior was incredibly inappropriate and entirely uncalled for. Unfortunately, this was not an isolated incident. I will write more about that in the near future.

But for now, I want to emphasize the abnormality in these relationship workings. Narcissists will idealize, devalue, discard you…and then stalk you afterward to ensure you have not found any sense of peace or happiness. Narcissists are out to get you, at all costs, and for no reason! This is not love. This is psychopathy.