Got Boundaries?

Boundaries? What’s that? The dictionary definition is a line that marks the limits. We all have limits and boundaries are certainly healthy and necessary ways of establishing those limits.

Narcissists have no respect for boundaries. In fact, they seem to intentionally violate all of them. Rules don’t apply to them. This is a part of their grandiose perception of themselves. They believe they are superbeings; way beyond all of you mere mortals. Their all-or-nothing audacity and their superiority trip often manifests in terrifyingly foolish ways.

Narcs notoriously go way too far, with everything, exceeding all sensible parameters and into an unhealthy place. They spend money way outside of their budget, to regularly spoil themselves or show off so that they can look, feel, and be seen as someone elite. They cannot see past instant gratification.

They cruelly share your personal stories with others, in an effort to embarrass you, or perhaps to beef themselves up. Narcs feel that by putting someone else down, they are lifting themselves up. Their lack of empathy makes this very easy for them to do.

Narcs come and go as they please, with no respect for you or your time. They show up late for important events. Or they make a scene and humiliate you in public. Narcissists do what they want, regardless of the effect on others. And chances are, if it is not all about the narcissist, they will ruin as many big days for you as they can get away with.

This is a part of their selfish soulless condition. Everything is a facade. The narc is playing an ongoing game with reality. They experience no sense of accountability for their behavior. It is very childish, as they don’t perceive obvious repercussions caused by their choices.

Nor do they feel they have to. Because when all of their madness catches up with them it is never his/her fault anyway. Their behavior is never their fault. Not according to their psychosis. Narcs won’t even consider it.

Don’t hold your breath waiting on a narc to apply any sincere reflection or basic self-awareness. They will repeat the same behavior tomorrow and the next day. They see nothing wrong with it. In the narc’s mind, he/she can do as they please, then minimize it, or project and blame you for their behavior until you go completely insane. The narc is fine with that scenario.

Narcissists have no boundaries. Therefore, you must.

Boundaries are critical to your well-being. Without strong boundaries, the narcissist’s poison seeps into their victim, slowly like an IV drip. They will continually test you and the longer you stick around, the worse the ramifications become.

Boundaries come in different forms- time, personal, relationship, financial, etc. The narc will attempt to violate all of them. It is important to be consistent in upholding your boundaries.

Boundaries are a form of self-care.

Figure out where you draw the line. What are your deal-breakers? What are the things you are unwilling to put up with? What are the things you value? What are the things you want to protect?

Know the difference between what is yours to deal with, and what is theirs to deal with. Become fully aware of who you are, what your expectations are, and make them clear to others. Once you set the line of boundary, stick to it.

Don’t overcommit your time or do things you don’t want to do. If you only have an hour to help someone run errands, then make that clear, and do not exceed that hour. You also have a right to say no when you want to say no. Take time to yourself, to re-group, to re-center, to take care of yourself. You matter too.

Strong personal boundaries demonstrate self-respect. Do not accept or tolerate disrespectful behavior. Value your own perspective and experience. If you feel you are not being respected, then speak up. Be assertive. Stop bullies and users right in their tracks. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. And never let someone else dictate your life.

In other words, don’t take any shit.

Boundaries are a healthy, necessary part of personal growth. By structuring boundaries, you are effectively keeping the wrong people and behaviors out of your life. The people meant to be in your life will respect you and your boundaries. Let life weed out the people who don’t respect and value you.

By holding boundaries, you are showing yourself and others that you respect and value you.