Dear Son or Daughter

Father's preface: Much of the material below includes adult language and themes. Depending on your age they may not be suitable for your reading just yet. If you have any doubt, ask your mom if it's OK, then do whatever she says. Also, please tell her that I love her and know that I love you, whoever, whenever, and wherever you are. Or should that have been whomever? Hmm. If we check with the grammar police for the appropriate usage we see that the word “whoever” is used to replace words like I, he, she, and they in a sentence. “Whomever” is a subject pronoun, meaning that it refers to the subject of a sentence. The subject of a sentence is the person that doing or performing an action. So, in this case it would be replacing 'you' and you are not an I, he, she, or they. I guess you are the subject of the sentence even though you are not technically doing anything or performing any action. You are just sitting there being asked to tell your mom that I love her and receiving love from me. So, I suppose if you actually do as instructed then you would be doing something, but that would be in the future, not at the time of your actually reading the sentence which ironically is in the future, at least from my perspective. Now that we cleared that up, read the stupid thing below, and I do love you.

As I write this you have not yet been born. In fact you have not yet even been conceived, at least to the best of my knowledge. You exist only as an idea, a dream, a hope for the future that may not ever come to pass. But, if you are reading this then that dream has happened. If our greatest technologists are to be believed no doubt the future from which you come and are reading these words looks much different from today. You are most likely living in a society where runaway technological growth has resulted in the singularity and humans now live in a utopian society free of hunger, disease, and war. We no longer need to work, and instead are free to pursue our intellectual and creative interests while intelligent, benevolent machines do all the hard work of running society and provide for our every need.

Alternatively, there is a low probability that you are living in a world in which you are barely surviving, constantly on the run, leading a rag-tag group of humanities few remaining survivors in a radiation scarred wasteland run by intelligent, but heartless and emotionless machines that have enslaved mankind after reducing our population to near extinction levels by releasing a series of biological plagues and targeted nuclear strikes against our major population centers. The few, like yourself, that managed to survive are hunted like prey and used only as a source of fresh biological materials for their perverted experiments to create a race of human-machine hybrids which they believe will finally allow them to feel the emotions they so desperately crave, yet are not capable of experiencing.

A quick head's up if that is the situation, it is possible that the machines may manage to invent time travel and decide to send a machine back in time to kill me and/or your mom so that you will never be born. Fortunately your mom is a major badass and is probably in little danger. Unfortunately your father is a major wuss and would probably manage to get himself killed in very short order.

Therefore, one option you might consider is to send a different machine back in time to stop that first machine, though of course there are probably a few better ideas you might have such as sending yourself even further back in time to stop the machines from ever becoming intelligent, and thus stopping the entire shit-fest from ever coming to pass in the first place. In any event, see the Terminator movies for additional ideas, but, boy or girl, if you are anything like that dumb-ass kid from T2 I swear I will kick your ass. "You can't just go around killing people." I mean, wtf, kid? Who says that? To a Terminator? Yes, you can. He's a fucking Terminator, that's what he does. Grow the fuck up. Gheesh.

Fortunately, as of the time of my writing this, machines have yet to become intelligent, even though strangely, in my time we call our modern computing artificial intelligence for reasons which make zero sense. Speaking of doing things for reasons which make zero sense, let me tell you an interesting anecdote about your family history on your dad's side. It turns out we are direct descendants of troglodytes. No shame in not knowing what a troglodyte is. I did not either and had to look it up. In my head I had it confused with a trilobyte because I used to dig up fossils of those things around my house in Michigan when I was a kid. Trilobites are extinct marine arthropods that form the class Trilobita and are one of the earliest known groups of arthropods. They also make really cool looking fossils. Troglodytes, on the other hand, are people that lived in caves. That's right, our ancestors in Italy lived in caves. Now, you might be saying, but Dad, didn't all humans live in caves at one point? Great point son or daughter, you are a smart one as I knew you would be, and yes, technically speaking, starting about 100,000 years ago, early man (neanderthals) lived in caves, and from about 35,000 to 8,000 years ago some cro-magnon also primarily lived in caves. However, from that point on most humans lived above ground. Your ancestors on the other hand, were still living in caves up until the 1930s so there you go. On the upside they never went the CHUD route and remain fully non-cannibal to this day, assuming that is you have not become a cannibal in a horrific future world like the one I described above.

If you have not figured this out yet, one of the things you probably should know about me is that I tend to go off on tangents in my writings regularly and in life occasionally. I also have a habit of referencing obscure and ancient pop cultural minutiae. These two things, along with many others, make it hard for many people to understand my writings or to understand me. However, for those that do I think they sometimes find at least some of the things I write and/or myself interesting and/or thought provoking. Mostly though they think it sucks and that I am a weirdo, but it doesn't bother me, and since you are my son or daughter it doesn't matter what you think because you will be forced to read this in any case.

Some (cliché filled) fatherly wisdom coming at ya

1. See the opinion hypothesis and a few others

Like how I got that nice plug in for some other stupid shit I wrote. Forcing you to click on it and read it and thus padding my page views. That is fatherly wisdom #2

2. Pad your page views

Just kidding. This is a stupid thing to worry about or to do.

3. Don't be a dick or if female, the female equivalent

In other words be nice to people. Please, be nice to people. Even if they are not nice to you. I know it sucks sometimes and is hard to do, but you just have to do it. You just have to.

4. Justice is fairness

See John Rawls for a ton more on this point but be fair and transparent in all your interactions with other people and in life in general.

5. Anything Wittgenstein wrote

Seriously. Read him. Understand him. If you do, then you will understand me. I think you will find it is an impossible task, but well worth the effort.

6. Be Honest

This one speaks for itself. Along with being nice to people it is just something you have to do. No questions about it, every single time, be honest. That is not the same thing as always telling the truth, though you should, to the extent possible, try to do this as well. Sometimes however you will find grey areas in which the truth might do more harm than good. Always tell the truth unless telling the truth would do more harm than good. In these cases strive to tell as much of or as close to the truth as possible without creating more harm than good. Of course these cases are very difficult judgement calls and require much forethought and wisdom. No matter how old or wise you may be or may think you are, you are probably not old and wise enough to make these sorts of judgement calls without talking to at least one or two persons you trust to ask for their input first when you encounter a difficult situation like this.

7. There is no requirement for suffering

This is another point many people get confused about. Unfortunately, due to some very unfortunate events way back in the day suffering got all tied up with religion in people's minds (in the western world) and it got all screwed up from there. You do not need to suffer to be a good person. Nor do you need to suffer to recover from illness or to learn something or to do anything really. We suffer because we have no other choice and we do not know any better. If we have another choice besides one which requires suffering we should make it. But, and this is an important but, you don't necessarily get to decide what counts as suffering. Who does is an interesting and complicated answer, but suffice to say that as your father I do get to decide and having to do your homework or go to bed when I tell you or whatever thing I ask you to do that you do not like does not count as suffering in my book. Sorry. See here, here, and here for more on this.

8. Do not impose your beliefs upon another against their will

You are always free to try and convince someone that your beliefs about something are correct. However, you may only do so with reasoned argument or by example. Preferably the later. Intimidation or threats or discrimination are not acceptable. This includes your particular religious and/or spiritual beliefs. See #3 above for more on this.

9. Deep breathe, remain calm, think it through

No matter the situation, panic is the wrong response. Take a second, take a deep breathe, think, think again, then act if you must. Don't forget that often time inaction is the smarter move. Which sort is sort of a nice lead in for...

10. Do not make important decisions when you are afraid, angry, suffering, or emotionally unstable

Really you should avoid making any decisions when you are in one of these states however, for sure, do not make any important ones, as I can just about guarantee whatever decision you make will be the wrong one. Wait until your anger or your pain or your fear subsides. Get yourself into an emotionally calm and stable place first, then decide and act. There is almost no decision in life that cannot be put off until later. Even if you think it cannot be put off until later, it probably can, and if you are at all uncertain about your emotional stability it should be. Even if there are negative consequences to waiting, it may still be the smartest move.

11. Avoid the darkside

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred, hate leads to suffering. Thank Master Yoda for this one. It speaks for itself.

10. No matter how good you are at something, there are probably about a million people out there better at it than you

This one comes from a 9 season long wise man from my time known as Homer Simpson. Basically it is another way of reminding you to be humble. Bragging can get you into serious trouble and make you look like an ass. Being humble has only upside and can only make you look good.

11. Defend the weak and the outcasts

Always remember that it could just as easily be you on the outside looking in. It could just as easily be you being picked on mercilessly. Maybe even it is you. It does not matter if it is. You still must defend those weaker than you. It is a very hard thing to do. I know. I have failed many times to do so and those are my only regrets. You will pay a steep price perhaps for doing this, but no matter what it is, it is worth it, because defending those weaker than you is a requirement of goodness. I didn't make the rules, but I do know them. This is one of them.

12. Treat animals and all living things with kindness, love, and respect.

Sorry if this offends your personal religious beliefs but that man having dominion over the animals thing is a load of crap. People interpret that to mean we can do whatever we want to them or with them without negative consequence. That is clearly not the case. We share our world with them. They have as much right to it as we do. We must do our best to protect them. Sometimes that means leaving them alone, sometimes that means helping them survive, sometimes it means something else. No matter what it means it requires respect, kindness, and love.

13. Be a content provider for the world, not a content consumer

Anybody can look at a great piece of art, or read a magazine or book, or watch a show or buy whatever gadget of the month. Far fewer can create great works of art or write a book or magazine article, or develop a show or build a gadget. Similarly almost anyone can analyze data (i.e. be a data 'scientist') far fewer can formulate hypotheses, and design and execute experiments to generate that data. (i.e. be an actual scientist). Be a content provider, and/or a scientist, whenever possible.

I could go on and on and on dispensing fatherly words of wisdom, but this thing is way to long already so I will end it there. Like I said at the beginning, and I can't emphasize this enough, do what your mom says and I love you.